So... yes, it has been a while hasn't it ? Sorry- Life has become unexpectedly busy- this is supposed to be my quiet time- the kids are in school all day every day and yet I am finding it harder to get things done around the house -I just have so much to do all the time running here and there doing this and that- I guess I have 5 years of errands to make up for I don't know, it's strange. Mondays- the boys having skating lessons, Tuesday is Pickle's ballet, and Thursday they are all in swimming class. I find though, that we have been hibernating over the weekends- literally- if there is not a plan set - we rent movies and video games and just stay in all weekend- I must say though, I like it- as much as they drive me nuts- I love having them home on the weekends. It's the least lonely part of my week.
SO let's get started then...
I will begin with an explanation of the title of this post- Last week- Tuesday, I quit smoking. I didn't even really build up to it- didn't prepare for it, didn't cut down first or anything. Just decided (after having a lingering nagging gross cough for 2 weeks prior mind you ) that it was time and considering I had the free patches sitting on my dining room tab;e for the past 5 months and they were due to expire that it was time- Just fricken do it you know. So I did- I put the patch on Monday night actually before bed- people had told me that they got wicked nightmares from wearing it at night- so I was prepared- but that didn't happen- Monday night I could not sleep at all. I was wired! So, at 4 a.m. I decided to take the patch off and reapply when I got up. So I woke up, and even though I usually have a smoke before I do anything else, I didn't feel like one- so I quickly put another patch on and went about my morning had my coffee, did everything else like I normally do- except for smoking. I did catch myself going for the door every now and again out of pure habit of course- But I did well- I think I had a drag literally once throughout the day more so I think because I felt lost without it almost- but that was about it- and then again I took it off at night. So the next could of nights- I fell asleep downstairs on the couch so I didn't end up taking the patch off at all and let me tell you what- no nightmares, but the weirdest freakiest dreams I have ever had- I won't even get into it- but it was all so twisted and bizarre that it felt like, well, it felt like I was high having those fucken up stoner dreams- very cool- and the casts of characters in them- my god- people I hadn't thought about in years- people I would never talk to if you paid me- just weirdness- but I like it- Oh yes, I do and so I shall continue patching at night.. I like it- I like it a- lot!! So there ya go, I am a week into it and doing fine- I do have a drag here or there every now and again- but other than that I am doing very well! It is much easier than I thought it would be but then again I am not what you would call a non-smoker yet- so I better save that comment for when I am... so far so good. And for those of you wondering- no, I do not feel any better, my taste buds are no more ramped then they were and I can't smell any better yet- I don't think anyway- but my cough is gone and that is good enough for me right now...
I am worried about Pickle. During her kindergarten years Pickle was the queen of kindergarten- everyone loved her, they would call from their little gated area when they saw us walking down the street= the girls would fight over who sat next to her- And then there was Hunter- Hunter and Pickle were 2 peas in a pod- 2 little princesses - just adored each other- they were inseparable. Hunter moved away over the summer- far away- and even though Pickle is not shy- and is still as bubbly as ever- Pickle has yet to bond with any of the girls in her class- there are only 4 girls- yes 4 of them in the whole class and the other 3 were all in the same class last year so Pickle is kinda the outsider but even still she has no trouble making friends and getting in there you know- but for some reason she hasn't. I asked her if they were being mean to her or anything and she says no- but she always just plays with her brothers and her "husband" who is not in their class at recess and at lunch- she never plays with any girls. I worry- I don't want her to be alone- or feel left out and I don't know if she actually is feeling that way ( I seriously doubt it) but is it normal for her to be just playing with boys? She is such a girly girl yo know- it surprises me- and I am scared for her- maybe I am being over protective and worried about nothing... I hope so-
CC has been working a lot- I mean a lot- he doesn't usually get home until 9 or 10 at night. Most of the time I don't care- really- but I must admit- I am terribly lonely- and I miss Shell.....
I don't know if it has anything to do with not smoking- but I have been over the to emotional for the past week- like I think I have cried every day this week- maybe it is my body grieving for cigarettes (ha!) maybe its the loneliness, maybe it is the worry I feel for Pickle and the other 2 on a daily basis - ( I worry constantly- always, about everything- what if what if what if... ) I don;t know what the hell it is- am I depressed? I don;t know- I just know that anything and every thing has made me cry this week- oh... see.. I am getting veclempt just writing about it... ok enough of that ....
Anyway I know there is a million other things I wanted to write about tonight but I am terribly tired, so I will sign off for now and try to get back here tomorrow to finish the update _ I must tell you all about some of the misadventures we have had at school- already... sigh.. Speaking of- their first school trip is this Friday- to a farm to pick a pumpkin, have a wagon ride etc- and of course I am going !! Damn right- no one is taking my babies on a bus to a farm where I cannot spy on them! Nope, still haven't cut the cord!! And you can't make me!! HA!