Classic example of how "gay" (am I the only person left in the world that uses that term?- not that there is anything wrong with it... ha) my daughter is....
I don't remember exactly what the conversation was but I was doing something CC should have been doing (ohh surprise surprise) and Pickle says to me
"Why doesn't Daddy do it?"
So I say:
"Because daddy works all day and he is tired when he gets home" (yeah yeah isn't he a fucken hero- oops did I say that out loud? !)
and then Pickle says ... wait for the gayness now....
"ohh that's right, he has to work to make money for our family (cue patriotic music now) and for our country."
HA! For our country? WTF??!!! I just about choked....
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
NEW "SEGMENT"
OK, got something else I can most definitely post about often and it will never be the same... seeing as though my children are so damn funny- oh yes they are- and well, OK annoying too- and seeing as though they "say the darnedest things" I have decided to add a new segment entitled : THE WORLD ACCORDING TO..... and I will fill in the appropriate name obviously - I'll just give brief little stories about cute shit they have said or whatever and yeah OK- I know it is much like what I do normally anyway- but I have decided to give it it's own segment- so sue me.... stay tuned...
NOT GONNA DO IT
I will not send you a happy birthday message... I will not send you a happy birthday message.. I will not send you a happy birthday message.... even though I have done every single year no matter if we were in contact or not- for the last 21 years.. this year I will not send you a happy birthday message and I will not feel bad about it... I will not. There is only a half hour left in this day- Jenna you have made it this far- 30 minutes ... 29.........
Sunday, July 22, 2007
MOVING ON WITH LIFE
Ok so I know you all want to know more about JGG and how he is, I have talked about it so much the past few days I almost don't want to anymore but I will give a brief update:
He is still in intensive care but doing much much better today- S went to see him finally and she and I both are glad that she did. He is starting to come around - not talking all that shit like how he should have done it this way or why didn't it work or things like that- he seems, I am told a bit embarrassed and ashamed and has stated he just wants to feel happy again and is willing to do what it takes to get that feeling back again. He is being transferred to the psych ward tomorrow- and is not happy about it- but let's hope something clicks with him and he starts to see the sunshine again...
So... before the storm hit, I was telling you all about the camp out at S's we had (well the kids really) so I wanted to post some pics from that night... it's sad you know, but because this has all hit S and her family so hard, it has taken over their lives and will do so for quite some time. I feel for the kids- all of them because their summer now is going to be known as "the summer when..." instead of having all those fun memories to look back on.. we had such plans for the rest of the summer- not big- just outings and things here and there-0 but those little things are the very things that memories are made of.. I just hope EVERYONE can move on with this and not let all of this consume them.. as we all know- life is too short for that shit...
GRATEFUL
After everything that has been going on the past few days with my friend (more of which I will get into later) I thought I should take a moment and share what I am grateful for- right now, today...
I am grateful for my babies- and all the joy that they bring to me every day.
I am grateful that even though we are still going through some tough financial times, we have managed to stay afloat and are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel (even though we had a set back with CC's car- it ended up costing $3,200- pretty much double the amount we were initially told)
I am grateful for my friends- especially S for being such an inspiration to me.
I am grateful that I am not stupid enough to fall for the tricks that people can pull on you- you know when someone pretends to like you or be interested in things you have to say when all the while there is an ulterior motive and when that motive is not realized, you are tossed aside like a piece of trash. I am grateful that my true, real friends offer advice and support when I need it instead of running away from it or pretending that they don't know I am in pain or in need of a hug or a phone call or just a friendly word. I am grateful that my true friends would never do things like that to me -
I am grateful that I am not as naive as I used to be.
I am grateful that I was able to get past the things that haunted me as a child- I am grateful I no longer hold the anger within me that I used to towards my parents. I am grateful that I can be a better person than what they set me up to be- and even though everything was stacked against me in every way possible- I got over that wall and moved on and can be proud of who I am today and never had to do anything stupid or illegal or hurt anyone to get where I am.
So there ya go.. that is all I have right now.. It's been a long day..
I am grateful for my babies- and all the joy that they bring to me every day.
I am grateful that even though we are still going through some tough financial times, we have managed to stay afloat and are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel (even though we had a set back with CC's car- it ended up costing $3,200- pretty much double the amount we were initially told)
I am grateful for my friends- especially S for being such an inspiration to me.
I am grateful that I am not stupid enough to fall for the tricks that people can pull on you- you know when someone pretends to like you or be interested in things you have to say when all the while there is an ulterior motive and when that motive is not realized, you are tossed aside like a piece of trash. I am grateful that my true, real friends offer advice and support when I need it instead of running away from it or pretending that they don't know I am in pain or in need of a hug or a phone call or just a friendly word. I am grateful that my true friends would never do things like that to me -
I am grateful that I am not as naive as I used to be.
I am grateful that I was able to get past the things that haunted me as a child- I am grateful I no longer hold the anger within me that I used to towards my parents. I am grateful that I can be a better person than what they set me up to be- and even though everything was stacked against me in every way possible- I got over that wall and moved on and can be proud of who I am today and never had to do anything stupid or illegal or hurt anyone to get where I am.
So there ya go.. that is all I have right now.. It's been a long day..
Friday, July 20, 2007
SUICIDE CHUMP
Ok my title today is brutal and maybe even mean but what I have to tell you is no joke and I am very angry right now- sad too yes, and scared-but mostly angry.. On Wednesday night, the 3 little pigs and I went to S's for a "campout" we (well the kids, not us) had a tent up in the back yard, and roasted marshmallows, made smores, hotdogs, the works. S and I even had a couple of drinks togather which we never do- it was a great night. Her daughter slept in the tent with 2 of the 3 little pigs, Curly chickend out without chickening out you know- excuse after excuse, anyway he slept in the house. So, the next morning, we all get up, have a lovely pancake breakfast and the kids had a swim, just took it easy.. I decided to get the kids home relatively early, though the kids wanted to stay, I just felt the need to leave- we were all tired... anyway the kids and I left- probably about noon or close to it- and just hung around at home the rest of the day.. at about 4 or so , S text messaged me about a show she had been watching and for some reason I didn't immediately reply which I normally would have. Instead I waited until about 5:30- 6:00 and then wrote something funny back to her. Literally seconds later she phoned me and I could hear it in her voice- something was terribly wrong..
Here's a little "legend" of names so you can follow the story a bit closer as it goes along...
S- is my very best friend in the whole world- we have known eachother for over 22 years
JGG- Aka Jolly green giant-(he's like 6 foot 2)- my friend who I briefly dated as a teenager- we all hung around together - and have known him as long as I have known S
Party Girl- is S's younger sister- who also hung around all of us throughout the years she ended up marrying JGG and they have been together for about 15 years
So... the story is as follows- now of course I have only gathered all of this information over tens of phone calls and text messages over the past day or so- the evnts I am describing happend Thursday...
We leave S's house, about an hour later, JGG brings over his youngest son for S to babysit while he goes to work- normal occurance- she usually has one or the other or both of Party Girl and JGG's kids while they are off to work. Jgg tells S he has to go to work early for a meeting as he got in trouble for something- and S doesn't think anything of it and goes on with her day. The other son is brought to S & Party Girls' mother & fathers - also a normal occurance. Before any of this trnaspires, Jgg goes to the dr's and gets a prescription for an antidepressant- something he has started taking recently- he has been trying to stop smoking weed and hash and found it very stressful ( I don't get that) but anyway - whatever gets you through- so we know that- we know he went and got a refill on his prescription... after dropping off the kids- we now know that this is what transpired-to the best of everyone's knowledge. Jgg leaves S's house and goes to the liquor and beer store... he goes home, downs a bottle of vodka and 8 beers..he takes a bottle of asprin and the bottle of anti-depressants... he calls into work sick- and the person who took the call thought he wasn't making sense and sounded drunk- he apparently was making comments like "I'm checking out" and things of that nature. The person who took the call hangs up with JGG and calls 911. Jgg tries to make it into his bedroom where he has garbages bags, bungy cords and an art project his oldest son made him. He never makes it there- he passes out, hits the floor face first. Broke his nose, and though it is still uncertain at this point, his hip is most likely broken as well. An undetermined amount of time after he took everything, the police arrive and are unable to get an answer at the door. They try to bust the door down and can't because something is blocking it. The end up breaking out a window, and finding him face down in a pool of blood. They don't know if he had shot himself or what- but have vitals so they get an ambulance there and he is rushed to the hospital. They find a suicide note and the computer is on with pages up about how to kill yourself. All the windows and doors are baracaded with wood and other things to ensure no one would get in or at least have a hard time of it.. Party girl is called as she is on her way home to tell her to go to the hospital. She was about to go and pick up the 2 boys and GO HOME- she calls S of course and tells her all she knows which at that point was nothing- she didn't know if he was dead or alive.. I can't even imagine. S and I kept in contact all night long-he was alive.. and had a breathing tube in- he could not for some unknown reason breath on his own.. it finally came out early this morning. The suicide note did not give any clues as to why other than generalities such as "torment" he had been suffering for 20 years- he started out his note by apologizing for them having to find him like that so he intentionally wanted his wife and 2 small children to find him dead- BULLSHIT. Now, I know JGG had a fucked up childhood- we all did- I had about as fucked up one as you can have and other than regualr teenage blues, never considered shit like that nor did I let my shitty childhood and the things that happend to me stay with me for my whole life.. I fucken moved on ok- so this fucken guy- (I say that like I dont know him from Jack- but I am so mad..) does this shit when he knows his wife and kids are coming home and will find him. Your fucken babies.. I dont understand, I don't understand.. if you wanted to do something like this- go to a hotel room, go somewhere else, not in your home, not where your babies sleep... he is apparently, in a lot of pain right now, still groggy and in and out. It took a long time for him to come to- they still don't know the extent of his injuries because he is too unstable to take him to xray. Party Girl says he mainly just lies there and says nothing, and that it seems pretty apparent that he is disappointed that he was "saved". He only remembers drinking and drinking and blocking the doors off and nothing after. He is not apologetic, and seems terribly sad.. I want to feel bad for him, and I suppose I do in a way but I am so mad- so fucken mad that he would do something this extreme instead of reaching out- running away even, talking- anything! No one had any indication at all that he was capable of this sort of thing - I would never have guessed in a million years- never never never- not him- he was never down or sad he was always the one making us laugh and fooling around.. I dont get it - I don't understand. I can say without doubt he is obviously mnetally ill in whatever way- you have to be to pull shit like that- no question- and we do know there is a family history of this-his father who was a fucked up individual would pull this sort of thing every few years and they would get a call and go rushing off - but his were always (or at least they seemed to be) very half-hearted attempts- but this was so caluculated- and but for that person from his work being smart enough to call 911 - he would without a doubt be dead whether he got that bag on his head or not... and I just don't understand- what is so bad? What cannot be fixed? Party Girl and her mom went back to the house sometime in the middle fo the night. She said the "history" on the computer showed as far back as 5 weeks of him going onto websites about suicide and different methods. I was with him not 3 weeks ago and we had a great time - you would never have known he was thinking about anything remotely close to that- never never never. Poor Party Girl she is so fucked up she doesn't know what to do- what happens when he is released? She will be afraid to leave him alone ever and what is she going to be thinking everytime she walks through that door? He will not be left alone with the kids ever- like what the fuck?? I have this horrible feeling this isn't the end of this- I can feel in my heart that he will find a way and he will do it-we have to get him help and figure out what the fuck is going on in his mind and try to help him.. this is just crazy.. so there you have it... fucken bullshit stupidity... my heart aches... I just don't understand...
Here's a little "legend" of names so you can follow the story a bit closer as it goes along...
S- is my very best friend in the whole world- we have known eachother for over 22 years
JGG- Aka Jolly green giant-(he's like 6 foot 2)- my friend who I briefly dated as a teenager- we all hung around together - and have known him as long as I have known S
Party Girl- is S's younger sister- who also hung around all of us throughout the years she ended up marrying JGG and they have been together for about 15 years
So... the story is as follows- now of course I have only gathered all of this information over tens of phone calls and text messages over the past day or so- the evnts I am describing happend Thursday...
We leave S's house, about an hour later, JGG brings over his youngest son for S to babysit while he goes to work- normal occurance- she usually has one or the other or both of Party Girl and JGG's kids while they are off to work. Jgg tells S he has to go to work early for a meeting as he got in trouble for something- and S doesn't think anything of it and goes on with her day. The other son is brought to S & Party Girls' mother & fathers - also a normal occurance. Before any of this trnaspires, Jgg goes to the dr's and gets a prescription for an antidepressant- something he has started taking recently- he has been trying to stop smoking weed and hash and found it very stressful ( I don't get that) but anyway - whatever gets you through- so we know that- we know he went and got a refill on his prescription... after dropping off the kids- we now know that this is what transpired-to the best of everyone's knowledge. Jgg leaves S's house and goes to the liquor and beer store... he goes home, downs a bottle of vodka and 8 beers..he takes a bottle of asprin and the bottle of anti-depressants... he calls into work sick- and the person who took the call thought he wasn't making sense and sounded drunk- he apparently was making comments like "I'm checking out" and things of that nature. The person who took the call hangs up with JGG and calls 911. Jgg tries to make it into his bedroom where he has garbages bags, bungy cords and an art project his oldest son made him. He never makes it there- he passes out, hits the floor face first. Broke his nose, and though it is still uncertain at this point, his hip is most likely broken as well. An undetermined amount of time after he took everything, the police arrive and are unable to get an answer at the door. They try to bust the door down and can't because something is blocking it. The end up breaking out a window, and finding him face down in a pool of blood. They don't know if he had shot himself or what- but have vitals so they get an ambulance there and he is rushed to the hospital. They find a suicide note and the computer is on with pages up about how to kill yourself. All the windows and doors are baracaded with wood and other things to ensure no one would get in or at least have a hard time of it.. Party girl is called as she is on her way home to tell her to go to the hospital. She was about to go and pick up the 2 boys and GO HOME- she calls S of course and tells her all she knows which at that point was nothing- she didn't know if he was dead or alive.. I can't even imagine. S and I kept in contact all night long-he was alive.. and had a breathing tube in- he could not for some unknown reason breath on his own.. it finally came out early this morning. The suicide note did not give any clues as to why other than generalities such as "torment" he had been suffering for 20 years- he started out his note by apologizing for them having to find him like that so he intentionally wanted his wife and 2 small children to find him dead- BULLSHIT. Now, I know JGG had a fucked up childhood- we all did- I had about as fucked up one as you can have and other than regualr teenage blues, never considered shit like that nor did I let my shitty childhood and the things that happend to me stay with me for my whole life.. I fucken moved on ok- so this fucken guy- (I say that like I dont know him from Jack- but I am so mad..) does this shit when he knows his wife and kids are coming home and will find him. Your fucken babies.. I dont understand, I don't understand.. if you wanted to do something like this- go to a hotel room, go somewhere else, not in your home, not where your babies sleep... he is apparently, in a lot of pain right now, still groggy and in and out. It took a long time for him to come to- they still don't know the extent of his injuries because he is too unstable to take him to xray. Party Girl says he mainly just lies there and says nothing, and that it seems pretty apparent that he is disappointed that he was "saved". He only remembers drinking and drinking and blocking the doors off and nothing after. He is not apologetic, and seems terribly sad.. I want to feel bad for him, and I suppose I do in a way but I am so mad- so fucken mad that he would do something this extreme instead of reaching out- running away even, talking- anything! No one had any indication at all that he was capable of this sort of thing - I would never have guessed in a million years- never never never- not him- he was never down or sad he was always the one making us laugh and fooling around.. I dont get it - I don't understand. I can say without doubt he is obviously mnetally ill in whatever way- you have to be to pull shit like that- no question- and we do know there is a family history of this-his father who was a fucked up individual would pull this sort of thing every few years and they would get a call and go rushing off - but his were always (or at least they seemed to be) very half-hearted attempts- but this was so caluculated- and but for that person from his work being smart enough to call 911 - he would without a doubt be dead whether he got that bag on his head or not... and I just don't understand- what is so bad? What cannot be fixed? Party Girl and her mom went back to the house sometime in the middle fo the night. She said the "history" on the computer showed as far back as 5 weeks of him going onto websites about suicide and different methods. I was with him not 3 weeks ago and we had a great time - you would never have known he was thinking about anything remotely close to that- never never never. Poor Party Girl she is so fucked up she doesn't know what to do- what happens when he is released? She will be afraid to leave him alone ever and what is she going to be thinking everytime she walks through that door? He will not be left alone with the kids ever- like what the fuck?? I have this horrible feeling this isn't the end of this- I can feel in my heart that he will find a way and he will do it-we have to get him help and figure out what the fuck is going on in his mind and try to help him.. this is just crazy.. so there you have it... fucken bullshit stupidity... my heart aches... I just don't understand...
Monday, July 16, 2007
I MAY AS WELL RENT A ROOM THERE...
So what Sunday would not be complete without a trip to the local hospital- that seems to be a constant with me lately- this time I am happy to say, it was not serious.. So Saturday little Pickle was feeling sniffly and ended up, as she always does when she is not feeling well, have a nappy noodle. So she slept and slept until about 10 at night and then awoke, still stuffy, but hungry and of course wide awake. Now because I am a night owl, I was up with her until at least 3 a.m. I got her dinner, gave her a dose of Advil or Tylenol or something like that and went to bed... at 10 the next morning, I get a tap on my shoulder, and no it wasn't the ghost, but little Pickle. She said nothing and when I turned around I saw her face and jumped right out of bed. Even CC jumped up- her eye was swollen, and I mean swollen right shut- What happened? I asked her- she didn't know- she had not a clue but it didn't hurt and it didn't itch... bizarre. So I got up and got dressed, and dressed her- and off we went to the walk-in clinic.. Of course there was the regular drama- "But that was my best eye"! "Am I going to die?" "Will I have to get my eye cut off?" "What if it never goes away" "I look awful!" and on and on... When we saw the Dr. he looked overly concerned. I thought for sure he would tell me it was a bug bite (although we hadn't even left the house on Saturday) or something was in her eye- or it was allergies or from her cold or something.. but he kept humming and hawing.. looking and looking again.. So then he tells me he thinks it would be a good idea if we went to the hospital. So I am like What?? What do you mean? So basically, because there was no evidence of a bite- he suspected that it was something more serious called " periorbital cellulitis" or something like that that can really fuck you up- something about it sending signals to the brain or that it blocks signals to the brain or something- really weird.. so anyway it is quite serious apparently and he sent us to the hospital for further evaluation..So we go to the hospital and now Pickle is getting even more dramatic.. she tries to convince me- now get this- that the reason that her eye is puffy is because she was trying so hard to sniff up her boogies that they went to her eye!! The night before she was incredibly frustrated because she couldn't breathe through her nose- she tried to sniff I mean she tried so heard her eyes were bulging out and I convinced her sniffing wouldn't help and that she had to blow instead- so she thought that when she could finally sniff, she sniffed all the boogies into her eye making it puffy! Hilarious!?? Yes! But, pretty smart too I think.. I mean I know it couldn't happen- but her thought process is just incredible... anyway the Dr. finally sees her and determines no, it is not that freaky eye thing and that regardless of what it is, it should be gone in 24 hours... No antibiotics, no nothing.. and we go home.. and sure enough today it is about 90% better with very little evidence of the swelling at all- Her best eye is saved!!! I'll post a pick her of her eye - this is after the swelling went down enough that she could see out of it- and she was very happy as you can see.. ohhh.. my life is so interesting isn't it?? Geeezzz.....
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
THE GHOST AND MRS. CHICKEN
So, did I tell you that I have a ghost in my house? Oh yes, I think I do- and can I tell you that if there is one more incident that I will not be one of those stupid white people that stays to find out who or what the fuck it is? Oh no, not me... So here's the situation.. a few years ago, my friend died- the Christmas after her death some weird shit started happening- like every time I walked into a room this particular Christmas ornament would go off and start playing a tune. Ok so some could say I walked too close to it or whatever- NOT- it was only me- only when I walked into a room did this happen. Thereafter, when all my Christmas stuff was packed away in the basement before it was finished, the same ornament would go off every time I went down there to do laundry... ok weird.. but I put it off to just that- weirdness.... So over the past couple of months a stupid toy Becca has, has been doing the same thing- only me- if anyone else is down here it doesn't do it- but when I am alone down here- especially late at night- it goes off every time- it's pretty freaky shit.. So about 3 nights ago was the kicker for me that something is amiss. So I am lying in bed- and kinda awake and asleep- you know how you can sleep but still be aware of everything that is going on?Anyway minutes before "the incident", Curly came into my room and said he couldn't sleep so I led him back to bed and lied back down and closed my eyes... I started to drift, but again was aware of everything around me- waiting for Curly to come back in I guess. So anyway I am lying there trying to sleep and I feel someone or something (dun dun daaaaa) hold onto my arm... so I roll over and expect to see Curly standing there- but no- there is no one.. so I was like WTF.. but figured I was drifting into a deep sleep and just ignored it... so I roll back over and like 2 seconds later the same thing- someone is holding onto my arm- and my hair on my arm- only one arm- starts sticking up and I get goose bumps- ONLY ON MY ONE ARM!!!! Do you hear me people ??!!! There is a fucken ghost or some shit like that in my house and it likes my ARM!!!! I could puke- so of course I couldn't go back to sleep and I had the heebie jeebies - it was just awful... So there you have it- if one more thing happens, I am moving into the Howard Johnson's- fuck this shit....
Friday, July 06, 2007
FUN IN THE SUN
So... I have actually had a pretty good week- other than Monday, when CC's car's transmission fell out when he was in bumfuck Idaho golfing and it cost over $200 to get it towed back here and now we need to pay out to fix it... But other than that I have had a really nice 5 days- Sunday went to S's for Canada Day and we had a great time- then Tuesday we all went with my sis and her fam to Ontario Place for the day and it was amazing- it was so dead- we actually though it was closed at first. No line ups for anything- which with 3, 5 year olds is a blessing because you know how impatient they can be.. so yeah it was a really great day and everyone had a blast. The yesterday I went up to S's again to meet up with one of our friends that we used to hang around with 20 years ago- we hadn't seen him in years and years and he was infamous for taking pictures constantly so he brought tons of pics and we sat there all afternoon looking at old pics and laughing and reminiscing.. it was nice. So now today- I clean- and clean some more- and then Sunday I have to go to the MIL's cause it's her birthday- sigh... anyway so far the summer has been not too shabby- the key is keeping them busy busy busy... let's hope we don't have a repeat of last year or I will surely go nuts....
Monday, July 02, 2007
THE GRADUATE(s)
A couple of days after Curly's surgery- it was graduation day. The triplets graduated from Kindergarten and it was the cutest thing ever.. I'm going to try to upload the movie I made about that day...
THE LONG AND WINDING ROAD
Ok sorry all.. been lacking in my blogging once again and I see my last entry was before Curly's surgery and I have much to catch up on.. sorry to leave you all hanging..
Let's start with the surgery.. It was by far the hardest day for me as a mother, other than leaving all the babies at the hospital when they were born, not being able to take them home right away.. Anyway- we had to wake the poor soul up early- very early and be at the hospital at the crack of dawn. We waited in the Pead unit first and then about an hour later we were sent to wait in the surgery waiting area.. I could see Curly was a bit nervous, but I think mostly tired. He was so small looking, in his little hospital gown and all, and my stomach ached the whole time we sat there. So soon, it was his turn to go in. I couldn't go through the doors with him or wait til they put him under- they took him in a little wagon and as they walked away Curly turned back to look at me and I could see he was on the verge of tears.. I was beside myself. The surgeon told us not to go to the regular waiting area because the procedure would only be about 15 minutes so just to wait there and he would come right back out.. So fine, we sat and sat and sat some more.. I must of looked at that clock about every 30 seconds. At one point, I saw people coming in and out of the operating room he was in and I knew something was up, I felt it in my heart. We kept justifying how long it was taking by saying, oh maybe they didn't get started right away or maybe he wouldn't fall asleep- but I knew something else was up.. I started pacing, and I am sure annoying everyone there, and finally, after about an hour and 10 minutes out comes the surgeon and instead of coming up to us and talking, he motions for us to come into this office- my heart sank. So he starts out by telling us that he is ok "now" and then proceeds to tell us that they had complications and that after they did the procedure and started to sew him up, that the beeding wouldn't stop. They first tried to remove all the stitches and then try again and still it wouldn't stop. He was very concerned. He said of all the literally hundreds upon hundreds of procedures he has done like this, he has never ever seen anyone bleed so much and for so long. He said that it was about 5 minutes away from being extremely serious and that we had better get someone to check him out because he suspects he has some kind of blood disorder and that no one should beeld that much from what they did. I was horrified- my poor baby! So they then took him to recovery- and I had to go wait in another area for them to call me into the room. After about 10 mintes they did and the nurse was leading me down the hall and I could hear him crying. I stated runnning and the nurse is calling after me and I just ignored her and was running in and out of rooms trying to find the right one.. And there he was my poor little lamb- just beside himself and crying and shaking and scared and in a tremendous amount of pain. I ran to the bed and told him I was here and he just grabbed me around the neck and wouldn't let go and he was telling me "make it stop ma, make it stop" They told me that they had just given him morphine and it hadn't kicked in yet plus waking up from anesthesia is like brutal for kids so he was out of it too and confused and cold and the whole bit. So we lifted him off the bed and I sat in a rocker and we put warm blankets on him and he cried and hung on tight.. It was the worst thing ever- I felt so bad for him yet could do nothing. It was awful. So this went on for about an hour. And then I guess once the medicine really kicked in he settled a bit and we were able to bring him up to the Pead's unit for the rest of the recovery time. The doctor had since told us we would have to stay longer so they could watch him more in case he started bleeding again. So they put me in a wheelchair and he sat on me and they wheeled us up. Once we got into the room CC was allowed in and he was actually really good with him- it's weird to see him so compassionate and loving and that with them because it is so rare I guess- anyway we made him comfortable and put a movie on and got him juice and then the nurse told us besides the usual waiting time, we wouldn't be allowed to leave with him until he peed. I knew this was going to be an issue. They left the IV in as well to pump up his fluids and he didn't know that it was a needle or there would have been tears I tell you. Anyway after a while CC convinced him to try to pee- so off we go to the washroom, the first couple of time we carried him and pushed the IV cart but after that he walked. The poor baby- he was so afraid to go pee.. he knew it was going to hurt but even the nurse said it was better to get him to go now while the drugs were still in his system because the pain may not be as bad. So he tried, and he cried, and there was blood- but not a lot- it was just torture for me- there was nothing I could do to help him.. not a thing... Anyway after about 7 or 8 times to the washroom he finally peed a little and it hurt oh yes, it hurt the poor baby but he did it and soon after we were allowed to go home. when we got home I had to go right away and get him some pain killers and special cream so CC and his dad stayed home and I went with the MIL. Uggggg she drives me nuts.. Anyway, get back and have to pick up the other 2 from school- the whole class had made Curly get better cards and Little Man says to Curly "You are famous! look at all the mail you got!" The reunion was quite endearing- and of course the drama just spilled out of Pickle... " is he going to be ok? Is he bleeding? Does it hurt? Will he die?" and on and on... So we set him up in his room- videos and video games and he seemed quite comfortable for the most part- but when it was time to pee- that was another story.. it was awful, grueling.. terribly sad because it hurt him so much and he knew it was going to - and he would hold it as long as he could- but eventually he would have to and it was just heart breaking. CC when he was home would go in with him and was really good about it- one night I hear Curly saying to CC: "Dad, I wish you could change penis' with me. " Just heart breaking.. Anyway we had some scary moments after we got home like the fact that his pee was coming out harder and thicker yes, but like a sprinkler- seriously- for a week I would go into the washroom with him and put a toilet paper roll over it so it wouldn't spray all over the walls or him every time he peed. So it was a tough couple of weeks- I am happy to report that as of right now today- it looks so much better and he is peeing, for the most part straight with not much spray- I think that once the rest of the stitches dissolve, that will solve that problem. He is quite happy though that for the first time in his life he can "pee like a racehorse".
Let's start with the surgery.. It was by far the hardest day for me as a mother, other than leaving all the babies at the hospital when they were born, not being able to take them home right away.. Anyway- we had to wake the poor soul up early- very early and be at the hospital at the crack of dawn. We waited in the Pead unit first and then about an hour later we were sent to wait in the surgery waiting area.. I could see Curly was a bit nervous, but I think mostly tired. He was so small looking, in his little hospital gown and all, and my stomach ached the whole time we sat there. So soon, it was his turn to go in. I couldn't go through the doors with him or wait til they put him under- they took him in a little wagon and as they walked away Curly turned back to look at me and I could see he was on the verge of tears.. I was beside myself. The surgeon told us not to go to the regular waiting area because the procedure would only be about 15 minutes so just to wait there and he would come right back out.. So fine, we sat and sat and sat some more.. I must of looked at that clock about every 30 seconds. At one point, I saw people coming in and out of the operating room he was in and I knew something was up, I felt it in my heart. We kept justifying how long it was taking by saying, oh maybe they didn't get started right away or maybe he wouldn't fall asleep- but I knew something else was up.. I started pacing, and I am sure annoying everyone there, and finally, after about an hour and 10 minutes out comes the surgeon and instead of coming up to us and talking, he motions for us to come into this office- my heart sank. So he starts out by telling us that he is ok "now" and then proceeds to tell us that they had complications and that after they did the procedure and started to sew him up, that the beeding wouldn't stop. They first tried to remove all the stitches and then try again and still it wouldn't stop. He was very concerned. He said of all the literally hundreds upon hundreds of procedures he has done like this, he has never ever seen anyone bleed so much and for so long. He said that it was about 5 minutes away from being extremely serious and that we had better get someone to check him out because he suspects he has some kind of blood disorder and that no one should beeld that much from what they did. I was horrified- my poor baby! So they then took him to recovery- and I had to go wait in another area for them to call me into the room. After about 10 mintes they did and the nurse was leading me down the hall and I could hear him crying. I stated runnning and the nurse is calling after me and I just ignored her and was running in and out of rooms trying to find the right one.. And there he was my poor little lamb- just beside himself and crying and shaking and scared and in a tremendous amount of pain. I ran to the bed and told him I was here and he just grabbed me around the neck and wouldn't let go and he was telling me "make it stop ma, make it stop" They told me that they had just given him morphine and it hadn't kicked in yet plus waking up from anesthesia is like brutal for kids so he was out of it too and confused and cold and the whole bit. So we lifted him off the bed and I sat in a rocker and we put warm blankets on him and he cried and hung on tight.. It was the worst thing ever- I felt so bad for him yet could do nothing. It was awful. So this went on for about an hour. And then I guess once the medicine really kicked in he settled a bit and we were able to bring him up to the Pead's unit for the rest of the recovery time. The doctor had since told us we would have to stay longer so they could watch him more in case he started bleeding again. So they put me in a wheelchair and he sat on me and they wheeled us up. Once we got into the room CC was allowed in and he was actually really good with him- it's weird to see him so compassionate and loving and that with them because it is so rare I guess- anyway we made him comfortable and put a movie on and got him juice and then the nurse told us besides the usual waiting time, we wouldn't be allowed to leave with him until he peed. I knew this was going to be an issue. They left the IV in as well to pump up his fluids and he didn't know that it was a needle or there would have been tears I tell you. Anyway after a while CC convinced him to try to pee- so off we go to the washroom, the first couple of time we carried him and pushed the IV cart but after that he walked. The poor baby- he was so afraid to go pee.. he knew it was going to hurt but even the nurse said it was better to get him to go now while the drugs were still in his system because the pain may not be as bad. So he tried, and he cried, and there was blood- but not a lot- it was just torture for me- there was nothing I could do to help him.. not a thing... Anyway after about 7 or 8 times to the washroom he finally peed a little and it hurt oh yes, it hurt the poor baby but he did it and soon after we were allowed to go home. when we got home I had to go right away and get him some pain killers and special cream so CC and his dad stayed home and I went with the MIL. Uggggg she drives me nuts.. Anyway, get back and have to pick up the other 2 from school- the whole class had made Curly get better cards and Little Man says to Curly "You are famous! look at all the mail you got!" The reunion was quite endearing- and of course the drama just spilled out of Pickle... " is he going to be ok? Is he bleeding? Does it hurt? Will he die?" and on and on... So we set him up in his room- videos and video games and he seemed quite comfortable for the most part- but when it was time to pee- that was another story.. it was awful, grueling.. terribly sad because it hurt him so much and he knew it was going to - and he would hold it as long as he could- but eventually he would have to and it was just heart breaking. CC when he was home would go in with him and was really good about it- one night I hear Curly saying to CC: "Dad, I wish you could change penis' with me. " Just heart breaking.. Anyway we had some scary moments after we got home like the fact that his pee was coming out harder and thicker yes, but like a sprinkler- seriously- for a week I would go into the washroom with him and put a toilet paper roll over it so it wouldn't spray all over the walls or him every time he peed. So it was a tough couple of weeks- I am happy to report that as of right now today- it looks so much better and he is peeing, for the most part straight with not much spray- I think that once the rest of the stitches dissolve, that will solve that problem. He is quite happy though that for the first time in his life he can "pee like a racehorse".
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