The times, they are a changin'.... DAMMIT!

T-minus 3 weeks and the house will be gone- It's sold, she found a condo out in Etobicoke, and strangers are moving into my house- her house- Dad's house.. and it is tearing my heart apart. I am so terribly sad about this I cannot even tell you. People say its just a house- but to me it isn't. It is the most stable "home" I have ever known- 20 years of my life it was the safe haven. It is where my babies went to "Nana & Papa's" . Where they had sleep overs and where we had Christmas and Thanksgiving and father's Day and Mother's Day and everything else of significance... And even though they drive me nuts- I will miss being 15 minutes away and I will miss Mamam cooking dinner for us every week and shopping with her every Monday - that I will dearly miss- Maybe I am being overly dramatic- but it feels like dad is dying all over again- in the sense that we will never see him again- now we will never see the house either- his last home- all the things he fixed and did in that house- all the time spent all the memories and laughter and firsts- I had my wedding shower there- and my baby shower.. it all happened there- I hate change so much- and yes I know it is good- but I am not ready for this change .. this sucks ass....

DOWN WITH ASSMEAT!

So here it is- 2011 already and nothing has changed- there was a glimpse- and the hope came back- but that quickly faded - back to the same place I was in years ago- but this time- without dad here to keep me somewhat sane- Assmeat is assmeat and will never be anything other than assmeat- he is a selfish immature asshole and I hate him more and more each day- And this, the year I turn 40 has to be the year I do something- it has to be the year everything changes and I can be happy again- I figure that I have been unhappy about 80% of my adult life- the only happiness deriving from my children of course- the rest just bullshit stress and dealing with him and his antics and self absorption- I do not deserve this and neither do my children- I have completely lost who I used to be in so many ways- this is the year of change- this is my year of renewal - this is MY YEAR- fuck him- fuck him fuck him....