These past few days have just flown by. Wednesday is coming way too fast- and I am not sure I am going to make it. My track record suggests I will, and that in each and every tragedy in my life or crisis I have risen above and switched to another gear shall we say, and gotten through it. I know I will- I know that physically I will "get through it"- I just don't wanna. I mean of course, I don't want to be in the situation of getting through anything- I cannot stop any of this- I am so scared. On one hand I think everything, somehow is going to be fine. But on the other, I have thoughts of the funeral, and have already started putting pictures together of him and the kids. The other day for some reason I was compelled to do so and spent the better part of the day going through all of my cd's of pictures and copying the ones I wanted to my computer. I hate that I was doing it but something made me. I don't know what else to say- we will more Wednesday.....
I took my Christmas tree down today and hated every moment of it. I even took down the Christmas clock. Now there is nothing left of Christmas and that makes me terribly sad. I got choked up just typing that....
Wednesday is also the day that poor little Nikki is being put down. I have wrestled with this the last few days- I know deep down it is the right thing to do but I don't wanna- how can I do this?
I have decided that I no longer wish to be an adult thank you very much. As shitty as my childhood was- I think I would like to go back please.. Being an adult sucks ass...
1 comment:
I love you Jenna, and have my arms tightly around you.
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