This is a conversation with my almost 5 year old daughter as I am tucking her in tonight
ME: " Why are you wearing your clip on earrings? You don't need to now because you have real ones."
PICKLE: "So I can remember Daddy- Is he not going to live here anymore?"
ME: "I Don't know honey"
PICKLE: " But what happened to your love?" (I swear to God- this is the drama queen remember)
ME: "It's because Daddy doesn't love me anymore"
PICKLE: "He hates you?"
ME: "Yeah, I think he does"
PICKLE: " Is it because you yelled at him on the phone? I heard you yell at him on our way to dance class?" (My heart sinks and I start to cry)
ME: "No baby, Daddy just doesn't love Mommy anymore"
PICKLE " I still love you Mama"
And then I almost loose it and kiss her quickly and run out of the room. I am sure what I said to her wasn't right- but what am I supposed to say- God knows what I want to say - but I can't do that to them even if he is an asshole.
2 comments:
My eyes tear up while reading what you have written...it isn't right to have to be left alone to raise three little children. It wasn't right that he cheated on you, it isn't right that you are left to suffer for his weakness...but unfortunately its where you are now and what counts is what you are going to do now. Becuase whatever you do, your children will remember it and will either bless you or curse you for it later on. Life is hard but no matter how dark the cloud, there is always a silver lining. I really hope and pray things work out for you and your children!! Never doubt your ability as their mother to look after them, though. And God always looks out for those who trust Him.
Oh Baby! My heart bleeds for you...I can't stop crying wishing I could help you. Remember that you have family near and far who love you and are here for you....and believe in the kids love as it is pure, unconditional and true
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