Listen to your whispers

*This is something I wrote years ago- before the last time he got caught- I guess subconsciously I knew- I always knew-



You said I was the one.
You told me unequivocally-
You swore it before God-before everyone we knew.
Aren't I now the fool?
Aren't I the gullible one?
Aren't I now alone?
I am angry
I am saddened.
I am hardened by life's cruel sense of humor.
I am alone.
I still reach for you in bed;
yearning to feel your heartbeat
how that used to soothe me.
I make too much coffee
I am not used to drinking alone.
And I keep buying your favorite foods.
Now even my cupboards are a constant reminder.
You left your cologne when you went.
I want to call you and tell you
But I spray it on my pillow
So I won't forget your smell.
But I hate you.
Sometimes, I even wish that you were dead.
I am furious that you wasted so much of my life,
I am angry because I never loved anyone more,
And I am sad because I may never again.