MOTHER ON THE EDGE

Where to begin....


This past 6 days have been hell for me- Halloween came, and we were all so excited- and then Curly was not feeling well at school that day- came home and felt worse... fell asleep, and missed Halloween- woke up at 9 p.m. crying that he had missed it- and so I bundled up that little Captain America and we went in search for houses still giving out candy- he managed to get to 4 of them- my heart broke... the next morning Curly was covered in Chicken Pox- 2 days later Pickle came down with them and by far- it was the worst I had ever seen- the pox were so big and she was so sick- she would lie and shake and cry- it was awful... so I have spent that past 6 days bathing 2 pox ridden children twice a day in oatmeal baths, applying anti-itch cream, making soup and patting heads and amusing bored little chicken pox covered children. Curly is a champ though- he is the best patient- he didn't feel badly other than the first day but Pickle, my god was she sick- and the pox were everywhere- between her fingers and toes, even in her cacooch and she cried- "ma, I can't take it anymore!" just awful! And even when Curly had them in his mouth and then they spread inside his eye and I had to rush him into the Dr's to get special drops- he was still a champ about it- he's amazing. So it is winding down now- Curly may be well enough for school by Thursday I am thinking but Pickle- no way not until at least Monday- she is still covered but feeling much much better- and all this while Little Man never got it- he still may of course- because I would love to go through this again in 2 weeks- but so far nothing and he is so good about it- he has to get up every morning and go to school while the other 2 are still snug in their beds- I have a neighbour taking him to and from school because I obviously can't. It's been very rough- exhausting- and of course i have had no help- what else is new huh? So it's been tough...

Tomorrow is my birthday and I will be 36 years old.. the past few days I have felt like 66- maybe this is the year for me- last year at this time CC was still away fucking his girlfriend and partying it up while I was here alone... I don't know what I want anymore- but i know it isn't him and of course that has been my feeling for quite some time now- maybe this year of my life I will finally have the balls to do something about it...