Don't let the door hit you on the way out on THURSDAY

So assmeat is supposed to start working at this job come this Thursday - I cannot even tell you how much I am looking forward to having my days back... not having to share my air with him and find reasons to stay in the basement or go out even though we had no money to buy anything just so I would not have to sit and make small talk with him. So beyond not interested that it is not even funny. Now if this stays as a constant-bonus- but for now- for this Thursday- I am happy and thankful just for that - even if it is for one day- Glorious Glorious Thursday.......

Here's a thought...

I am just trying to pinpoint the exact moment- ok wait let's even say the year that it went from I LOVE YOU to I LOATHE YOU....

Just thinking out loud... carry on.

I think I just puked in my mouth a little...

Ok I think I just inadvertently found out that HE and HER are now expecting and its a boy... I hope I am wrong about this... Maybe its she and he instead... It's bad enough I passed up the opportunity and then HE married HER and is no longer allowed to speak to me.. and now this.. lovely....Think I am bitter? Damn right I am....

And so it shall begin

Ok so.. a couple of things- First- I have/will continue to start my exercise regiment. The other day I did a full 30 minute brisk walk and it felt good and I think it is something I can do. - And then I had my kids home for the weekend and it all went to hell- however I think if I can do that every weekday - it is a great start and I can adjust things as I need to after that. I have an issue with doing anything at home because of assmeat. I would be annoyed if he "caught" me exercising and not interested in his reaction or lack thereof.. and god knows I would not step foot in a gym- so until assmeat gets the fuck out and gets a job , this is my only option at this point- I think it'll be fine for the first little while- gotta start somewhere...

My FIL's cancer is back.. the spot they saw back in January has grown... don't know how bad yet- but it is not big enough to start treating it- so I guess that is good news... Ok, that's all I want to say about that ...

MMMM.... don't think I have mentioned this tid bit of info... Haven't spoken to my mother since the end of July/early August maybe.. the kids and I went up there and she started her irrationally yelling and carrying on about god knows what- so I already conceded to the fact I wasn't going back up there again anytime soon because I simply cannot handle the stress of it- the tip toeing around her in fear she will blow at any little thing- but the straw that broke the camels back was that she proceeded to call my sister u and tell her how awful my children were - talking smack about her own grandchildren- the ones she only sees 3 or 4 times a year- the only ones she saw incidentally because I was the only one stupid enough to drag them up there every couple of months because no one else would take theirs.. Well that just did it for me- I haven't spoken to her since I was up there= I did not call or go there for Christmas or anything- she called- my house- I ignored and she was all Ohh merry Christmas blah blah BULLSHIT- and then just last week she "heard" about Little Man being in the hospital and she was concerned. Again saw her number come up- and again IGNORE- so she is a right off-no one disses my kids- especially those who never see them or take the time to see them and then when they do talk shit about them- and I might add for no reason at all- I don't know what the hell she was talking about anyway- She's fucked- always looking for something to bitch about- not interested.. no time for bullshit and drama... life is too short for that. I have put up with her shit my whole life- I will be damned if she is going to talk about my babies that way and like I said, I am tired of tip toeing around her and trying to figure out what she is so god damned mad about all the time. Done and done....

A-Hole Alert

So I am in a quandary as it were- I thought the drama bullshit ended once I left work and was away from the "women folk" (we all know how that can be). But it seems as though it has reared its ugly head again and I find myself at a loss as to what to do about it. My first instinct is to attack- because that is what I do when I am wounded, but by doing that I may make someone else's life more difficult than it is, so I probably shouldn't, and besides.. I am not that person anymore.. or at least I am trying not to be. Anyway this person is talking shit about me and from what I can gather from the situation, it seems to be out of almost jealousy that this person is being an a-hole to me- saying bad things about me. Because I have never had it out with this person, nothing "happened" and I think I wasn't supposed to know this person was talking shit about me and it just kinda came out- but I know now and I know it wasn't just one little thing said_ I know it is a everyday thing . What bothers me is that this person stands, in a way, between me and someone extra super special to me and it almost makes me want to distance myself from this special person just so the a-hole can see it is not me that is the "problem" but their own doing, their own issues has cause the shit for the a-hole. I dunno- I don't want to make things worse- but I will be damned if I am going to let someone talk shit about me for no good f'ing reason.. I'll have to ponder this for a while...

Just Breathe

So Easter weekend brought with it a series of emotions. The kids had been sick for most of the week prior- but just the usual- runny noses- nothing major. I kept them home from school Tuesday and Wednesday, then Thursday they all went back in the morning because they had a Move-A-Thon which they had been looking forward to for weeks so they went for that and then I kept them home that afternoon- Little Man and Curly had developed a cough and even though it didn't seem too bad- I started Little Man with his puffers and figured he would get past the cold over the weekend. We hadn't- by the way had a problem with Little Man's asthma in almost 2 years- by problem I mean no hospital visits- when he gets a cold we start his puffers and he has been fine - nothing more serious has come of any of his colds no matter how bad they have gotten.... Anyway... By Thursday night I can hear that nasty cough of his getting worse and worse.. And before I know it Little Man is lying in bed beside me moaning and gasping...it all came on so fast... So off we go to the hospital- they take is SATS and he is at 85!!! Bad!!! We don't even wait- we are whisked to a room immediately...

Long story short Little Man is not responding to any treatments- 8 mask treatments, 3 doses of steroids and NO CHANGE. Different Dr's, specialists, respiratory therapists are all coming in and out and no one gets why. we do an X-ray and they discover he has pneumonia in the left lung but still- he should be responding somehow to treatments. This whole time we are in ER by the way, they have him on full oxygen constantly, only to stop it while he is doing his mask treatments. It soon becomes evident we are not going home- The pediatrician- who just so happens to be our pediatrician comes to see him and confirms we will not be going home because his SATS are still too low and that there has been no improvement. Soon we are moved up to the Ped's floor and put in the quarantine room- (I still don't now why- I forgot to ask about that actually) Anyway they tell me straight away that no one else will be in our room and that the bed beside him is for me. I felt so much better- I was so afraid that I would have to go home and leave him here- which of course I wouldn't have done anyway even if it meant I would have stood up leaning against a wall all night. Soon after nurse after nurse and Dr after Dr comes in to see and check and talk- a nurse asks Little Man if he likes the Wii - they bring in a cart with a Wii and 20 games built right into it- Thank god for that- he was so happy-he was like "this is like a hotel!" Which by the way he has never been to a hotel before so I don't know how he would know that.. but anyway I felt better that he felt better. At this point he didn't get that he wasn't going home. Once I told him he broke down and cried- he just wanted to see Curly and Pickle.. it was so sweet/sad. Later that evening Assmeat brought up the other 2 to see him- it was cute- for about 10 minutes and then they all started fighting over the Wii- who was player one- "I don't want to play this game" and the usual sibling stuff..so Little Man settled in for the night and the poor thing- not only did he not sleep the night before either (nor did I ) but now we sure as hell weren't getting any sleep because we had a constant flow of Dr's and nurses checking his vitals, giving him mask treatments- he would just start to fall asleep and someone would come in- then he would get a mask and you can't sleep through that racket- then he would be wired a bit afterwards and watch a little tv- and then the process would start all over again. So we didn't sleep- every once in a a while when I thought he was sleeping I would close my eyes and try to sleep and he would come and crawl into my little tiny non-adjustable cot- and I would bring him back to his bed and re-adjust everything and well what do you know here comes someone else...

Throughout the night the nurses kept telling me his SATS were improving- still on oxygen all the time and doing masks and steroids and added antibiotics for the pneumonia, but things were looking up. So the next day when the nurses came in to give him more meds we were all shocked to see his SATS were down to just as low as they were when we came in- he didn't seem to be struggling to breathe or anything it was weird- they changed machines and everything thinking there must have been a mistake- but no. The pediatrician came in and basically told us there was no way unless something miraculous happened that we would be going home. So there again we get a stream of Dr's and specialists coming and going trying to figure it out- they upped his oxygen and started mask after mask. This went on all day and for some reason, shortly after lunch, they decided to take him off the oxygen and see how he would handle it. He got up to about 94 and stayed there consistently for hours which was awesome and unexpected- after another mask treatment it went even high although shortly after that it came back down- the Dr's concluded that it was the pneumonia in the lung that was making his SATS so low and not the same as it would be if it was just his asthma causing it - so that was good news I guess- it was just a matter of getting the antibiotics into him to get that pneumonia out of his lung- Finally after seeing him not go below 95 the decided he could come home with of course, all the antibiotics and steroids and his puffers to do- but that's ok- we'll take it- so we set off home and as I write this now- he is so much better you would almost never know how bad he was just a couple of days ago- So we celebrated Easter- a day late because you know Mommy had to contact the Easter Bunnies "people" to arrange for him to come a day later because we thought Little Man would still be hospital- no one seemed to mind and I stayed up til the wee hours of the morning writing clues and making de-coders for them to "de-code" the clues and search for their goodies- it went over well- and everyone got a lot of goodies!! I'm so glad my little guy is ok now.. it just goes to show you that you can never tell- you never know when something can go horribly wrong...

No.. No .. Don`t say anything- just go with it...

So its now April- all of these months that have passed since I vowed I would start exercising and yet I have done nothing- At first it was, Oh I will wait til Assmeat gets back to work- and well since that hasn't happened- I wonder what other excuses I will come up with before I start - I don't want to get to summer and think why didn't I do something before? I don't want to be fat again for another summer and never put a bathing suit on or wear shorts or hate every single picture that is taken of me.. I don't wanna!!! Ok there is my rant for the moment... There's a bag of cookies with my name on it waiting to be eaten... just kidding.... Or not....

P.S. Blee Blah Blue......