Tuesday, May 22, 2007
SECRET/SADNESS
Everyone thinks I am such a good mom- I get that all the time. They call me "supermom" and "mother of the year" and "the best mother I know" etc etc. But I am not. I am so far from the best mother that it is scary- and sad. My kids don't like me most of the time. Pickle always comments when I am "nice". Like she will say (in her own dramatic way) " mmm... you're being pretty nice right now. " or " I like it when you are nice mommy." And what kills me is that I try- I really do try. And I know mothers are almost always under appreciated and their kids never know just how much their mom's do for them- from the smallest things- and I do a lot for them- things they will never know about or possibly ever appreciate- but I am not a good mother- and the saddest part is I know why I am not- and I try to put everything else aside- but I let it overwhelm me- and I take it out on them. I don't hit them or anything- but I am not a good mother and I am scared to death they are going to be like me or him for that matter- and it will be because I didn't stop it- I let things go, I said too much, I said too little, I turned the other way- I blocked things out- could have would have should have things to death- I am not a good mother- and I should be. And one day- they will hate me for it....
Thoughts by:
Jenna
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4 comments:
Oh honey! You are not a bad mother...no matter what you say. It is a challenge to be a mom to one little one, but you have three and you are only one person.
As parents we all make mistakes. Yours are beautiful and happy.
HUGS to you!
BULLSHIT! I don't swear much, but your post is crap, and I am saying this with authority, as one who has been in your shoes (Remember I have two ex's). My kids are now old enough to see the truth of the situation, and have great admiration for what I did for them over the years. Your children will see the same when they are old enough to understand.
Just yesterday my youngest was telling me she didn't know why but "I was being particularly anoying to her" (to which I replied that she might be eighteen but I could still wash her mouth out with soap if she didn't watch her sassing). One of our jobs as moms is being the safe secure place where our kids can let off anger and vent, knowing that we are still going to love them when it is over.
Children are also very intelligent and know as well as husbands how to push our buttons and make us respond in certain ways. I think if I heard "mommy you're being nice today," my comment might have been something like, "Well soak it up kid, because we both know it isn't going to last," or "then I guess I'm not doing my job as your mother. Mother's are suppose to be mean to their kids." Interesting that you need to take it on yourself as a failure. NOT SO!
Okay! Getting off the soap box Jenna. Know you are loved and I am not buying your opinion of yourself.
You are a great mom that has overcome a lot in life, and you are providing your children with the best you have, at any given moment, and that is all anyone can ask of themselves.
You are such an ass! I only have one and I get that daily....in fact he told me that he wants to move in with the babysitter because I'm so grumpy...ouch that hurt but I sucked it up and moved on! Try and remember that part of being a kid is whinning about what mom won't let you do or makes you do or "the rules" in general and patty is right....they push buttons because they can. If you weren't a good mom they'd be afraid of you or even worse...indifferent to you which they are not! Passionate and individual personalities you have raised and are doing just fine at it MISSY! Honestly, you're such an ass! Love YA!
You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. From what I know of you from reading your blogs, you are a great mom. Your children will love you unconditionally. I can't say much else because I'm not a mom and don't know what it's like. Although, I have a mom I thought I could live without but once she said she was moving away I started bawling. (And that was like a year ago.) Your human and make mistakes... your children will learn the same.
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