On October 20, 2009 at approximately 2:00 a.m. my father in law passed away. No glory- no peace- no relief-. He is gone and I am so profoundly sad I cannot explain it. We have gone through the arrangements, the viewing, the funeral, the burial and I have no closure. I have nothing but sadness. And now it seems like I am going through the denial everyone else was going through when he was sick. I just simply cannot believe it or rather I cannot accept it. I am going to miss him so fucken much and I cannot seem to picture anything- any event, any occasion without him. It sickens me to my very core. I hate that he is gone and I want to scream out for him to come back- to please just come back! I have never in my life lost some so close to me and even though I loved my uncle silly- we were not close in that sense- not since I was younger- same with my papa- and even my friend Wendie- I loved her but it just wasn't the same. This sucks so badly and I cannot do a thing about it- I cannot fix this. I have never seen CC like this before- (obviously) he is so broken hearted and sad.. he will look at me and just say "ohhhhh Jen" and nothing else needs to be said- I know what he means, how he feels- he is broken... and sad and scared and he doesn't know how he is ever going to feel better- he too cannot believe it- he too feels helpless. He just wants his daddy back- so do I ...so do we all... that's all I want to say right now-