So this is not intended to be a pity party or a poor me post- just my way of venting even though I should be venting to the very person I am pissed at..
So I have become, or shall I say, I remain, the family doormat- walk all over me please! And make sure and wipe your feet real good too whilst you step on me- just to rub it all in a bit more. I am being and have been and suppose forever will be, taken advantage of by certain members of my family. Other than my sister, no one ever calls me for any reason at all- even birthdays- unless they need something whether it be legal advice (5 years ago BB -before babies-, I was a legal secretary and everyone still seems to think that not only do I keep up with all the changing laws and procedures, but that in fact I am an actual lawyer) or babysitting- which is what my beef is about today. Oh just call Jenna- she doesn't have anything to do all day- she'll babysit- and like a schmuk- I say yes- every fucken time even when I don't want to. BB I used to babysit my niece up to 3 times a week. At the time I was desperate for a baby- and loved nothing more than being with her- but once mine came along- needless to say I had no time or any more hands to babysit other people's kids, yet the requests still came and still come.. Like I don't have enough on my plate!!! How selfish are some people! When my babies were little- and even now I might add- I never got any help from anyone- ever! I didn't get any relatives coming over to help out or to give me a break - not once did they ever call and ask me if I needed a hand with laundry or cooking or god forbid watching a baby for me - I had 3 !!! Anyway I don't want to bring up old shit because that is long past- and they all deserted me when I needed them most and I can say with head held high that I did it alone and I did it well- but any way here again I get a call from one of my relatives asking me to babysit tomorrow-not one, not 2 but 3 of them- so now I will have 6 kids under the age of 7 tomorrow!! Oh but wait- it gets better: Niece #3 who is 1 year old will be here at 8:40- at 8:45 I have to bring my kids to school- so off I go with all 4 of them. At 10:50 I have to take Niece #3 to pick up Niece #2. At 11:40 I take Niece # 2 & 3 to pick up my 3 for lunch- at 12:40 I take Niece # 2 & 3 to bring my kids back to school. At 3:05 I take Niece 2 & 3 to pick up Niece #1 and at 3:35 I take Niece 1, 2 & 3 to pick up my 3 from school.....WTF!!!!!! So there you go- what a fucken idiot I am - no one will do it for me but I am expected to do for everyone else- it sucks so badly- my family are a bunch of selfish people... and one day- oh yes one day very soon- they will be sorry in one way or another- it'll all come back on them ! Ok I know I sound like a little 10 year old right now but i don't care- you'll be sorry! you'll all be sorry you used me and treated me like shit! You'll see!! You will all see!!!! (ok picture me on the floor kicking and screaming because that is exactly what I feel like doing right now!!) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Sunday, September 23, 2007
INCREDIBLE LITTLE YOU
OK I know my kids are smart- and I know all parents think their kids are smart- but get a load of what Little Man said to me just now... it just absolutely amazes me how their minds work- they are so amazing to me...
So for some reason Little Man asks me about who "invented" animals- he asked me that if there were no people yet- where did the first animals come from? And of course I could go into the whole God thing but do we really know that to be true? Could there not be another explanation for it that I could tell him that makes sense and that wouldn't impose on religion in any way? So I paused and instead I just said- you know what, I am not sure, maybe we should investigate and look it up and see what answers we can find... so then he says " I know ma- maybe the sky laid an egg and it fell on the ground and that was the first animal! And I said, you know what? Maybe you are right!
Now isn't it incredible- that a 5 year old little boy could have such deep thoughts about such things- he is right about animals being here first- and well, hey- if there were no people around to "invent them"- how the hell did they get here anyway! I dunno- I just think that was pretty damn clever of a little one to think such things.. my kids RULE!!!!
So for some reason Little Man asks me about who "invented" animals- he asked me that if there were no people yet- where did the first animals come from? And of course I could go into the whole God thing but do we really know that to be true? Could there not be another explanation for it that I could tell him that makes sense and that wouldn't impose on religion in any way? So I paused and instead I just said- you know what, I am not sure, maybe we should investigate and look it up and see what answers we can find... so then he says " I know ma- maybe the sky laid an egg and it fell on the ground and that was the first animal! And I said, you know what? Maybe you are right!
Now isn't it incredible- that a 5 year old little boy could have such deep thoughts about such things- he is right about animals being here first- and well, hey- if there were no people around to "invent them"- how the hell did they get here anyway! I dunno- I just think that was pretty damn clever of a little one to think such things.. my kids RULE!!!!
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Sunday, September 02, 2007
THE WORLD ACCORDING TO PICKLE
So, we are on our way to the mall today to do some back to school shopping and I stupidly say to Pickle "Is that a zit on your chin?" Well she immediately looks in the mirror and starts her usual drama. A zit? A Zit! I don't want a zit! How could this happen? Will it ever go away? Does it look awful? What am I going to do? And on and on... So, not being able to take anymore, I say "Actually, you know what hun, it looks more like a little bug bite" To which Pickle replies (get ready for this): "Actually mom, it looks more like a 3rd nipple!" WTF????!!! I laughed all the way to the mall...... she fucken kills me...
Saturday, September 01, 2007
I WANT TO GO BACK!!!!
So a while back I was going on about FACEBOOK and how much I loved it- well, still do- People are finding me from like kindergarten it's just wild! So anyway a few friends from high school started talking about getting together for a reunion and I thought- ah, maybe I will go- but never thinking it would follow through- cause you know people make plans and other people agree to be a part of it and it never ends up happening. But anyway this time it did- about a week ago and I actually went. Now I wasn't popular in school- I wouldn't say- not one of those snobby girls or anything- I had my niche of friends and was quite happy that way- people new who I was by the way I dressed and stuff but I didn't associate with a lot of them by choice- not my cup of tea ya know.. anyway so I was hesitant abut going- didn't want to be judged by people or compared or anything- but I was pissed at CC for one and felt the need to be out amongst people you now- so I went. And let me tell you I am so glad I did- I had the best time. I didn't drink a lick of anything- (I think I was the only one there who wasn't drinking) and I saw so many people I hadn't seen in years- it was great- It really took me back- I loved school- yeah I hated the teachers and the homework and getting up every morning to go- but I really loved being at school around friends - that was my only escape from all the bullshit at home when I was younger- school was my out you know- like my way to forget about home and my mother and all the fucken crap- even when we lived in a trailer (oh yes did that for a long time) and I would have to leave at 5 a.m. just to get to school- I went every fucken day so I didn't have to be there. I wish I had an out like that again- ya think they would let me back in high school? I really miss it and I really miss alot of people from that time and hopefully now that we have all reconnected, we can get together and spend some time catching up.. it was awesome... 
THE OTHER WEDDING
So, before the meth-head, trailer trash, brutal wedding, there was another wedding I have yet to tell you about. My daughter was married August 12, 2007- Oh yes, my little Pickle has wed. Her "boyfriend" Who has been in their class every year and who lives up the street and whom all my children just adore and vice versa called and decided that enough was enough- he and Pickle must marry! So what else could I do? I sent my only girl off to wed. I made a wedding video but can't seem to upload it here with this new video feature (sucks) I'll continue trying but in the meantime, I will put some pictures here for you to see- it was just precious- of course it only last about 45 seconds because the novelty wore off, but it was cute as hell!! 
REWIND>>>>>
Ok so I know I have yet to blog about the wedding and well, anything else that has happened in the last 2 weeks so here it goes...
Bottom line, I got a dress, which I didn't get to try on because they were locking the doors so I took a chance and bought it anyway and got one like 2 sizes too big and even though it was kinda cute, the way the dress is cut- and the size of my enormous jugs, I think I looked pregnant, like it was like a maternity dress or something... anyway at that point I didn't care. So off we went, got to the hotel and changed and shit and listened to the MIL go on about this and that as usual. The ceremony was short and odd, I thought, but whatever- then we quickly went back to the hotel and MIL had a costume change (like what are you?A celebrity? You have to wear a different outfit at the reception? How vain!) anyway then before the reception started we went to CC's aunt and uncles (the parents of the bride) Now these people have some serious cash man- they have like 15 horses, stables, acres and acres of land- the whole bit- just gorgeous. I think though, they are the type of people who have money but have no money you know? Anyway it was nice, and I interacted with all of his relatives and stuff, but the talk was all about how much this costs and that was this much and OHHH I HATE that- I think it is rude anyway to talk about such things- but they just do it I guess to show off- So we took some family pictures and stuff, ate some whorederves and was even served by a handsome strapping young man at the "bar" so then off we go to the reception and I was slightly confused when I walked in - It looked like a school gym- honestly, down to the basketball outlines on the floor- I was shocked- I expected to enter a palace for christ sakes with the way they went on.. Anyway whatever- so we get seated with some other cousins- seemed cool at first - and I tried to have a good attitude and go with the flow- so I started drinking.. I got about 4 into me which is a lot for me (out of plastic beer cups to boot don't ya know- tacky!) and then they announce that dinner will be served soon and that the bar will be closed during dinner- that's cool I can handle that- but then they say- After dinner, the bar will reopen as a CASH BAR!!! Ok I know it is expensive for booze at a wedding- I know mine was but first of all if you are going to have a cash bar- then you have to warn people ahead of time- there was a scattering of people flooding out onto the streets looking for bank machines- ridiculous... Secondly- if you are going to brag about how much money this was and how you special ordered this from this country and flaunt your horses and mansion for everyone too see- you don't then have a cash bar at your daughter's wedding- Sorry- you just don't - brutal!! So they put wine on the tables-( which I do not drink) and we all waited for dinner- and waited and waited- by the time dinner was over- it had been 3 hours since the bar was closed and I was beyond drinking at that point. CC on the other had was not- along with the beers before dinner and the rye and gingers, he and another guy at our table polished off 3 full bottles of wine during dinner and then I found out he also went out and smoked a joint with one of his trailer trash cousins- (note: remember earlier I had said I thought they were cool "AT FIRST") So anyway I went out at one point and smoked one too- ok when I say smoked by the way, I don't mean I smoked a whole joint- I had a drag, and for me, that does it- I had a drag and I am good to go. As the evening progressed, things got worse, CC was hammered and talkative- annoyingly talkative- but it wasn't with me so I guess it shouldn't matter but he gets like annoying- where you can tell the person he is talking to is trying to be polite and listen but they really don't want to be there anymore and he just keeps talking- ugg I hate that- so he's off talking to relatives, trapping people and I am sure repeating himself a million times which he also always does. At this point, I have been "trapped" by one of his aunt's at least a dozen times when I had gone out for a smoke- at first I didn't mind- she was and is the black sheep of the family- a drug addict, always the one in trouble, not a tooth in her head looser etc etc- so apparently this is the first family function she had been invited to in years because no one wants anything to do with her- she had been clean for a while- and maybe that is why she was invited this time, but man alive- she sure wasn't clean that night- At first I could tell she had a lot to drink- whatever- get it in ya - but then as the night wore on I could see it was much more than that- typical Meth-head characteristics for sure- what a fucken freak. She was literally making me gag just to look at her- and she found me wherever I was- smoking, the bathroom, anywhere! And she was just like CC in that she repeated herself constantly and would not let me leave! I was so uncomfortable, and she was making me sick and every time someone came out for a smoke whether I knew them or not I looked at them with those eyes- you know the "CAN YOU HELP ME PLEASE" eyes- and no one did- especially not CC- he is the worst "date" ever- I know he hadn't seen some of these people in years and years and he was drunk- but never thought to see where I was or what I was doing or if I was ok or anything- but that is CC what do you expect- so anyway meth head kept touching me and hugging me and holding onto me and I couldn't talk- no no- she wouldn't let me finish a sentence- if I excused myself to go the bathroom she followed and waited outside my stall- she cried on me and started telling me stuff I don't want to know about- I don't care- and I just felt dirty, I wanted to go and take a shower every time I finally got away from her- And she would say things like " I love hugging you because I love the smell of your hair" Or asking me to lift up my dress a bit so she could look at my legs and shit like that- just dirty druggie nasty comments, I hated it-. So soon it became apparent that CC was hammered beyond anything else... it was just after midnight and he started asking me if we could leave- well thank god... I went and got his dad and got him to drive us back to the hotel- So on our way to the car- his 2 cousins, the ones who we sat with, trapped us in the parking lot and it was just vile. They were both pissed drunk and started hugging CC and taking his wallet and phone and just like all over him and I was like hello people COUSINS- you nastys! It just bothers me when people get like that- like simma down na- you are fucken related and you are like groping him and shit- and then of course CC was loving it- anything for attention from women cousins or not I guess- so we finally get out of there and get back to the hotel and we (or at least I ) was starving so I ordered a pizza- CC passed out within seconds of course and I ended up staying up for 2 more hours waiting for the fucken pizza to come and then they fucked up my order and forgot half of it and I had to wait up another hour for the rest of it so i didn't get to sleep until after 3 a.m. I was tuckered. The next morning we went back to the aunt's house for "brunch" which was nice actually and we stayed for a few hours. Oh, did I mention that at the wedding his uncle hit on me? Oh yes, talk about awkward- his married 50 some odd year old uncle asked me to dance, he is like well over 6 foot tall and I am well, not and so anyway we were dancing and small talking and then we go back to the table wherein he has his hand on my thigh and telling me how beautiful I am and how we really really need to spend more time together and get to know each other more.... ewwwwwwwwww..... and again.. no one saved me... so the moral of this story is- just when you think your family is bad- take an intimate look at someone elses' !! It was ok thought- more or less, I just enjoyed being out you know- but I hope no one else in his family is getting married anytime soon.....
Bottom line, I got a dress, which I didn't get to try on because they were locking the doors so I took a chance and bought it anyway and got one like 2 sizes too big and even though it was kinda cute, the way the dress is cut- and the size of my enormous jugs, I think I looked pregnant, like it was like a maternity dress or something... anyway at that point I didn't care. So off we went, got to the hotel and changed and shit and listened to the MIL go on about this and that as usual. The ceremony was short and odd, I thought, but whatever- then we quickly went back to the hotel and MIL had a costume change (like what are you?A celebrity? You have to wear a different outfit at the reception? How vain!) anyway then before the reception started we went to CC's aunt and uncles (the parents of the bride) Now these people have some serious cash man- they have like 15 horses, stables, acres and acres of land- the whole bit- just gorgeous. I think though, they are the type of people who have money but have no money you know? Anyway it was nice, and I interacted with all of his relatives and stuff, but the talk was all about how much this costs and that was this much and OHHH I HATE that- I think it is rude anyway to talk about such things- but they just do it I guess to show off- So we took some family pictures and stuff, ate some whorederves and was even served by a handsome strapping young man at the "bar" so then off we go to the reception and I was slightly confused when I walked in - It looked like a school gym- honestly, down to the basketball outlines on the floor- I was shocked- I expected to enter a palace for christ sakes with the way they went on.. Anyway whatever- so we get seated with some other cousins- seemed cool at first - and I tried to have a good attitude and go with the flow- so I started drinking.. I got about 4 into me which is a lot for me (out of plastic beer cups to boot don't ya know- tacky!) and then they announce that dinner will be served soon and that the bar will be closed during dinner- that's cool I can handle that- but then they say- After dinner, the bar will reopen as a CASH BAR!!! Ok I know it is expensive for booze at a wedding- I know mine was but first of all if you are going to have a cash bar- then you have to warn people ahead of time- there was a scattering of people flooding out onto the streets looking for bank machines- ridiculous... Secondly- if you are going to brag about how much money this was and how you special ordered this from this country and flaunt your horses and mansion for everyone too see- you don't then have a cash bar at your daughter's wedding- Sorry- you just don't - brutal!! So they put wine on the tables-( which I do not drink) and we all waited for dinner- and waited and waited- by the time dinner was over- it had been 3 hours since the bar was closed and I was beyond drinking at that point. CC on the other had was not- along with the beers before dinner and the rye and gingers, he and another guy at our table polished off 3 full bottles of wine during dinner and then I found out he also went out and smoked a joint with one of his trailer trash cousins- (note: remember earlier I had said I thought they were cool "AT FIRST") So anyway I went out at one point and smoked one too- ok when I say smoked by the way, I don't mean I smoked a whole joint- I had a drag, and for me, that does it- I had a drag and I am good to go. As the evening progressed, things got worse, CC was hammered and talkative- annoyingly talkative- but it wasn't with me so I guess it shouldn't matter but he gets like annoying- where you can tell the person he is talking to is trying to be polite and listen but they really don't want to be there anymore and he just keeps talking- ugg I hate that- so he's off talking to relatives, trapping people and I am sure repeating himself a million times which he also always does. At this point, I have been "trapped" by one of his aunt's at least a dozen times when I had gone out for a smoke- at first I didn't mind- she was and is the black sheep of the family- a drug addict, always the one in trouble, not a tooth in her head looser etc etc- so apparently this is the first family function she had been invited to in years because no one wants anything to do with her- she had been clean for a while- and maybe that is why she was invited this time, but man alive- she sure wasn't clean that night- At first I could tell she had a lot to drink- whatever- get it in ya - but then as the night wore on I could see it was much more than that- typical Meth-head characteristics for sure- what a fucken freak. She was literally making me gag just to look at her- and she found me wherever I was- smoking, the bathroom, anywhere! And she was just like CC in that she repeated herself constantly and would not let me leave! I was so uncomfortable, and she was making me sick and every time someone came out for a smoke whether I knew them or not I looked at them with those eyes- you know the "CAN YOU HELP ME PLEASE" eyes- and no one did- especially not CC- he is the worst "date" ever- I know he hadn't seen some of these people in years and years and he was drunk- but never thought to see where I was or what I was doing or if I was ok or anything- but that is CC what do you expect- so anyway meth head kept touching me and hugging me and holding onto me and I couldn't talk- no no- she wouldn't let me finish a sentence- if I excused myself to go the bathroom she followed and waited outside my stall- she cried on me and started telling me stuff I don't want to know about- I don't care- and I just felt dirty, I wanted to go and take a shower every time I finally got away from her- And she would say things like " I love hugging you because I love the smell of your hair" Or asking me to lift up my dress a bit so she could look at my legs and shit like that- just dirty druggie nasty comments, I hated it-. So soon it became apparent that CC was hammered beyond anything else... it was just after midnight and he started asking me if we could leave- well thank god... I went and got his dad and got him to drive us back to the hotel- So on our way to the car- his 2 cousins, the ones who we sat with, trapped us in the parking lot and it was just vile. They were both pissed drunk and started hugging CC and taking his wallet and phone and just like all over him and I was like hello people COUSINS- you nastys! It just bothers me when people get like that- like simma down na- you are fucken related and you are like groping him and shit- and then of course CC was loving it- anything for attention from women cousins or not I guess- so we finally get out of there and get back to the hotel and we (or at least I ) was starving so I ordered a pizza- CC passed out within seconds of course and I ended up staying up for 2 more hours waiting for the fucken pizza to come and then they fucked up my order and forgot half of it and I had to wait up another hour for the rest of it so i didn't get to sleep until after 3 a.m. I was tuckered. The next morning we went back to the aunt's house for "brunch" which was nice actually and we stayed for a few hours. Oh, did I mention that at the wedding his uncle hit on me? Oh yes, talk about awkward- his married 50 some odd year old uncle asked me to dance, he is like well over 6 foot tall and I am well, not and so anyway we were dancing and small talking and then we go back to the table wherein he has his hand on my thigh and telling me how beautiful I am and how we really really need to spend more time together and get to know each other more.... ewwwwwwwwww..... and again.. no one saved me... so the moral of this story is- just when you think your family is bad- take an intimate look at someone elses' !! It was ok thought- more or less, I just enjoyed being out you know- but I hope no one else in his family is getting married anytime soon.....
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
Is it just me or does anyone else have the same attitudes about going back to school? It's kinda like new years all over again. I remember when I was in school I was like ok this year I am going to keep my notebooks neat and not write all over my binders and do all my homework and do really well-it was like a chance to start over- like people get at New Years you know- So here I am almost 20 years since I have been out of school and I feel like it is "New Years" again- I am making all these plans - quit smoking (no, still haven't done that) loose weight, (nope, that never happened either) exercise (what the hell is exercise again?) SO HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!! Time for some major changes. . . . .
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