DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY .....

So I found out my uncle - my bestest most favouritest uncle has a form of lung cancer and has been given- basically 2 years to live- Like what the fuck? I don't understand- I cannot wrap my brain around it all- it is absolutely the most horrific thing I have ever been told. Now what? Now, we all go through the guilt- about not calling enough or seeing him enough and the I'm sorry's and the what if's and coulda shoulda woulda's. And we try to convince ourselves he isn't going anywhere and its all a horrible mistake. I cannot help but to feel selfish about it all- I want him here- I Don't want him to die- and meanwhile what he must be thinking- what he must be feeling- I cannot imagine. My stomach hurts- physically- it hurts and I am so scared- he was always going to be there- he is the only family on my father's side that was ever there- even when my father wasn't- which was never by the way- I remember going there for Christmas as a kid and feeling like I belonged there- that that was where I was supposed to be- and wishing that maybe someone mixed us up at birth and Auntie Anne and Uncle Jim were my real parents and one day we would realize it and all have a big laugh about it and I would stay there and never have to worry about the crap that was going on at home again- Anyway now's the time to do what we should have been doing for years and not put things off and say I love you and try to help as much as I can- do anything I can- and try to stop pretending this is all just a dream.