I NEED A VACATION....

So here it is the night before Curly's surgery- ok well, morning of.. its abut 1:00 a.m. by now and guess who's still awake?? Well, there's me- and Curly wouldn't ya know- he picks tonight of all nights to pull one of his night owl nights. Anyway the long and short of this week is CC was off since like Tuesday of last week because of the labourer's strike- they had to shut down because of unsanitary conditions or some shit like that so anyway I figured- you're off work- well then - you will fucken work here boy- none of this holding the couch down all week shit so, we re-did my bedroom - new floors, (which kicked our asses) paint, curtains, the works- and it has taken a good 5 days no make that more like 7- between getting everything out and getting rid of clothes and painting BLACK trim, and the floors which was a killer and everything- anyway it is done and it looks good.. in the meanwhile however- the rest of the house went to hell and now I suffer for it because the MIL is coming tomorrow at 6 a.m. to look after the other 2 and get them ready for school etc while we are at the hospital. So today I guess everything caught up with me and I wasn't feeling good at all- and so CC leaves work early to come home and "help" me tidy up for the inspector tomorrow- and even though he did change some switch plates and help me carry the dressers back in- the rest of the day he did fucken nothing- put his feet up and just fucken sat there whilst I did everything else- got everyone dinner, cleaned- ALL day (and still cleaning) did about 6 loads of laundry- got every one's stuff ready for tomorrow because the MIL is helpless; went out and rented some of Curly's favourite movies for when he gets home from hospital- cleaned some more- and then some more- bathed the children- got them into bed- and still, everyone else in this house just sat there and watched me do it- so at 10:30 when I started freaking out on CC- he asks me- what do you want me to do???? LOOK AROUND ASSHOLE!! So I end up telling him to go in and try and get Curly to sleep because he was still up- about 3 seconds later CC is sleeping and I thought Curly was too- but no- an hour later he comes down asking me to get CC out of his bed. So I wake up the lazy fucker- send him to bed and tell Curly to go lie in my bed- which he does- I figured for sure he would go to sleep- nope- he just came down a minute ago and asked me what I was up to... so I sent him crying (yes I am mean) back to his own room- you blew it buddy... so I thought I would take a break and write for a second. I have got at least another hour of cleaning to do - and then maybe I will be able to sleep too. I am incredibly nervous about tomorrow- I know he will be fine- but I am so scared for him. I don't want him to be in any pain... my poor little man....

How did you find me?
I have been hiding under this rock for so long
hoping
waiting
fading.
How did you know to look for me here?
I have not walked the regular paths-
I’ve veered in so many directions
I’ve traveled so far.
I was lost.
I was in need
of touch
and kindness.
How did you know?
How did you know just what to say?
To bring the smile back on my face that had been vacant.
How did you know to kiss me that way?
To touch me-
to hold me so tightly I could feel your chest beating onto mine?
How did you know I needed that?
Who sent you?
Who told you?
Who cares…

IT'S OFFICIAL- MY FRONT DOOR SMELLS LIKE FOOT

Ok, it's been a few hours since the paint has dried and now if you stand at the front door it still smells of foot.. Nice- welcome to my home- please enjoy the odor of foot whilst you wait for me to answer the door.... shame...

ARE FIRST IMPRESSIONS REALLY THAT IMPORTANT???

Ok so today, my little chickens had their first pizza-day at school so I had the whole day to myself- and I had plans- big plans... So first on my list was to paint my front door. We changed the hardware on the door months ago and you could see the outline of the old handle and shit- so anyway, years ago, I had mistakenly bought exterior paint - so I thought well, I will just use that right..... so first of all, I had to stir it for like an hour to get it mixed up after all its been 7 years... yes, 7 year old paint.. So I get started and realize quickly that the paint smells- I mean it reeks- and not just like that paint smell- an odd smell- a disturbing smell- like the smell of dirty feet.. oh yes that is what I got to smell all morning- dirty feet- great...So I go about my business.. painting- with a paint brush- bad idea- should have used a roller.. but anyway here I am painting so I have the front door open.. but my back is facing out- I am wearing hoochie mama shorts- you know like old short shorts so I don't ruin yet more clothing when painting.. and I am going to town painting...totally oblivious to everything around me.. Just then, as I am bent over- with hoochie mama shorts on, I hear "HELLO THERE!" I screamed, dropped the paintbrush and swung around too see a man standing at my fence staring at me. So I say, while still in shock "Jesus boy- you scared the shit out of me" and right after it left my mouth I shrank to about 2 inches tall... The hello was from my new neighbour (my old neighbours just moved out Friday) who I had not yet met.. and- now here's the kicker.. he is, um.. shall we say, a person of color and I said "JESUS BOY!" So just so we have this straight- I use the word boy as some would use dude I say it all the time.. but not usually to people of color or while wearing hoochie mama shorts or while talking to my new neighbours.. I apologized right away- he laughed and we introduced ourselves.. but fuck was I ever embarrassed..So I can just tell- MY NEW NEIGHBOURS JUST LOVE ME!!! HA!!

So anyway- being a looser like I am.. instead of just letting the children have their lunch at school and going about my day- I showed up at lunch to make sure they were all happy and eating- I KNOW- looser- cut the cord already! But they've never eaten at school before- I was worried.. I got in trouble by the teacher and quickly was sent home... and no.. I didn't not wear my hoochie mama shorts to school...

BRINGING CHRISTMAS BACK BABY!!!

Ok did I tell you all that a few weeks ago I put up my gazebo on the deck there, just like every year and this year (well ok, just like every year too) I put Christmas lights up in it like on the "ceiling" of it. Ohh and it looks so lovely.. and it reminds me of Christmas! So there ya go.. the clock is gone, but the lights are back!!! And fuck anyone who has something to say about it... even if it does look tacky... so there!

CARNIVALS AND CAROUSELS

So tonight the in-laws came over with the intention to take the kids to the park etc and get them out of my hair for a while- and of course CC had more important things to do like GOLF- so I had a couple of hours to myself but sadly had nothing to do! Always the way huh? So anyway I ended up going over to this video game store and bought the boys a couple of new video games which are really for them- not for me.. no.. certainly not for me! So afterwards I went over to this shoe store and even though I HATE Shoe shopping which has got to be some kind of genetic abnormality, I got myself a new pair of shoes. Just like summer slip on runners you know- nothing fancy- So it just so happens while I am at said shoe store I look up and see before me a CARNIVAL!!! Yee ha! I love carnivals- I don't know what it is about them- I am not big on rides- like scary rides ( I used to be but that vanished very quickly the older I got) its just the whole feel of it- the atmosphere. Now, I know what you are thinking- and no- I did not ever nor will I ever wish to be a carnie- no no.. not me- but I just love being around the noise and the smell of popcorn and candy apples and the nice nice rides like the Ferris wheel and such- I don't like the games or anything- but anyway unimportant.. so there I sat- in the parking lot and just stared at the carnival and drank my Timmies coffee and smiled.. I remember when I was like 12 or 13 when my dad first came back into the picture, he took me to a carnival at Morningside Mall and he won me a Duran Duran mirror and even though I hated Duran Duran and still do, I pretended that I loved them because he had won it for me- I still have it too- that was a fun night... shame.. Anyway- that was the extent of my evening and now I am trapped in video game hell with my boys and it is almost 11 and I must get them off so they can go to bed... Good night to all.. I will be dreaming of the carnival and cotton candy and carousels....

FORGOT TO TELL YOU

So we went to the urologist (side note * the night before we went- I could hear Curly telling the other two that "when he went to the penis Dr....." so I interrupt him and told him that he wasn't exactly a penis Dr., he was called a UROLOGIST. So later on when again he was discussing the matter with the other two I hear him say "Ah, guys, tomorrow when I go to the ARCHAEOLOGIST, I won't have to go to school..." Archaeologist! Hilarious!)
Anyway off Curly and I go- and pretty much immediately he knew what the problem was. Basically, his little pee pee hole is virtually non-existent. It is so small and narrow the Dr. was amazed he was able to pee at all. So then he tells me this cannot be fixed with creams or medicines- surgery is the only way this can be remedied. So my heart sunk and I tried not to cry (this whole time of course my crotch is killing me as he was describing the procedure.) So yeah, he has to have surgery so they can pretty much cut him a new pee pee hole- my poor little man. So they wanted to know if I wanted to wait or get it done ASAP so of course I want it done immediately so then they tell me JUNE 20!! So it's like 2 weeks away- I don't know if I can be mentally prepared by then... ohhh my poor little lamb. He will be sore of course and will need stitches but it really isn't that big of a deal but of course surgery is surgery and he will be under so that is scary in itself.. I have told him that after this is all done he will be able to pee normally and he will feel so much better.. he seems fine with it but of course, he doesn't know any better... my heart aches..

BUSY BUSY DAY

So.. this morning I was off to the school because Pickle got an award at the assembly today- she had no idea she was getting one and it was cute as hell too see the look on her face when she got it - she was all jumping up and down and holding her "star". Of course, the boys were upset "how come she got one and we didn't?". It's hard for them sometimes to understand because I try to make sure everything is equal with them but that really isn't how life is- so I guess I have to stop that. Anyway after the long long assembly- got home, went and got my Timmies- (ohhh I needed that) and then sat for a minute before it was time to go back and get them for lunch. Got them home- made lunch- and then had to go back to the school because it was Scientist in the School day and I was volunteered to be a scientist. So there I am all afternoon being a scientist with all the little kiddies- it wasn't that bad though actually but for the little shits in their class getting on my nerves- there is like 2 of them that just irk me- anyway right after we rush home because I get the call that both Pickle and Little Man's glasses are ready so we scoot over there to pick them up and I will tell you what- Little Man looks fucken cute!! Anyway he has a semi fit because he doesn't like any of the cases they have there and then of course Curly is so upset because now both of them have glasses and he doesn't. So the Dr. pulls me aside and tells me they can sell me a pair with just glass in them so he can think he has real glasses too- SOLD... so there are the 3 of them looking at themselves in the mirror comparing- admiring- it was just precious.. so now I have all 3 of them in "glasses" and now we are off to the mall to find Little Man a new case so he doesn't have a fit for the rest of the night- boot around the mall- find one- race back home to get Pickle's dance outfit because now I realize how late it is. Drop the boy's off with CC race to ballet- we are late- get her changed- off she goes.. she's done- get home, every one's whining they are hungry- start making salad, potatoes, and get the BBQ going - make steak and burgers (yuk and yuk) everyone eats- I eat salad and potatoes.. sigh- and now I finally get a minute to myself although all I really want to do is go up and have a nice long bath.... I'm tired....

LETTERS NEVER SENT 2

Dear ___________;


Hi you! I bet you never expected to hear from me again. Or maybe you did. Maybe all of this time you have been waiting for me to contact you or to call or write- and maybe you've wanted to also- so many times- but you were afraid of how I would react so you didn't. Or maybe, you haven't thought twice about it- maybe it never even crossed your mind. Maybe the things that you used to say reminded you of me don't anymore- maybe when you look up and see the moon you don't wonder if I am looking at it too- or maybe when you hear a Prince song- it is just another song to you- maybe it doesn't make you think of me anymore. As much as I have grown up in the past few years and realized you and I were not meant to be as much as we both thought we were or hoped we were- I still think about you a lot. I think about the fun we used to have. I could really sit and talk with you- for hours, about anything - and I never ran out of things to say. I still catch myself thinking Oh my God I have to call ______ and tell him about that. But I don't- and you don't either- and maybe it is better this way- but I do miss you terribly- and I wish things didn't go the way they did- I wish you didn't have to turn away- because there is so many things I have to tell you and I am sure a million more we should have laughed about. But that's ok- I have my box full of memories- and I guess I can always visit you through them- I hope you are well- and I hope that sometimes.. just every once in a while you think of me... just a little...

WORRY WORY AND MORE WORRY /SECRET

So tomorrow I take Curly to the urologist to find out what the deal is with him. He is still having problems and I am so scared he's going to need some invasive procedure. I have had nightmares about it for a week now. He's only 5 and I am afraid I am going to get some crusty old man Dr. who has lost every ounce of his compassion and is just mean and bitter and will want to do something to him that will cause him pain.. I know it sounds silly- and everyone knows I would never allow it- but I just don't want him to be traumatized or fear Dr.'s or anything- all it takes is one bad apple.... I speak from experience... Anyway I will update you on that.

On another note, Little Man does in fact need glasses.I kind of figured as much- he has really been squinting lately- but I tell you what- he looks absolutely adorable with glasses- not geeky adorable- just goddamn freaking adorable.. we should get them next week sometime.. wait til you see.. just wait til you see him... just precious... of course Curly is heartbroken because he doesn't need them... I was exactly the same way when I was a kid- I prayed I would I prayed and prayed.. but nope.. not until I was 12 or so I got them and even though I was having a bit of trouble.. I think I exaggerated during my vision test to make sure I got glasses... isn't that awful??? I still have those glasses and have never had another pair since- nor have I needed them... silly little girl...

PRETTY AS A PICTURE

Ok so I took Pickle to get her photos done in her costume- I'll post them when we get them back- but here are the ones I took- she's too much- such a poser! I love it!!

UP AND DOWN THE MERRY GO ROUND

So the last couple of days have been just lovely. I mean really. I don't know what it was exactly- but all of us- all 5 of us spent yesterday and the day before all together- just hanging out. The weather has been hot hot hot so we were outside 90% of the day- and yesterday I took Pickle for her dance photos and CC took the 2 boys to the golf range and then afterwards we had a big barbecue and hung out in the back yard all evening and it was nice. On Friday night CC and I even sat out and played Yahtzee together for like 2 hours-- It was just a really nice couple of days... just refreshing...