SUICIDE CHUMP

Ok my title today is brutal and maybe even mean but what I have to tell you is no joke and I am very angry right now- sad too yes, and scared-but mostly angry.. On Wednesday night, the 3 little pigs and I went to S's for a "campout" we (well the kids, not us) had a tent up in the back yard, and roasted marshmallows, made smores, hotdogs, the works. S and I even had a couple of drinks togather which we never do- it was a great night. Her daughter slept in the tent with 2 of the 3 little pigs, Curly chickend out without chickening out you know- excuse after excuse, anyway he slept in the house. So, the next morning, we all get up, have a lovely pancake breakfast and the kids had a swim, just took it easy.. I decided to get the kids home relatively early, though the kids wanted to stay, I just felt the need to leave- we were all tired... anyway the kids and I left- probably about noon or close to it- and just hung around at home the rest of the day.. at about 4 or so , S text messaged me about a show she had been watching and for some reason I didn't immediately reply which I normally would have. Instead I waited until about 5:30- 6:00 and then wrote something funny back to her. Literally seconds later she phoned me and I could hear it in her voice- something was terribly wrong..

Here's a little "legend" of names so you can follow the story a bit closer as it goes along...

S- is my very best friend in the whole world- we have known eachother for over 22 years
JGG- Aka Jolly green giant-(he's like 6 foot 2)- my friend who I briefly dated as a teenager- we all hung around together - and have known him as long as I have known S
Party Girl- is S's younger sister- who also hung around all of us throughout the years she ended up marrying JGG and they have been together for about 15 years


So... the story is as follows- now of course I have only gathered all of this information over tens of phone calls and text messages over the past day or so- the evnts I am describing happend Thursday...

We leave S's house, about an hour later, JGG brings over his youngest son for S to babysit while he goes to work- normal occurance- she usually has one or the other or both of Party Girl and JGG's kids while they are off to work. Jgg tells S he has to go to work early for a meeting as he got in trouble for something- and S doesn't think anything of it and goes on with her day. The other son is brought to S & Party Girls' mother & fathers - also a normal occurance. Before any of this trnaspires, Jgg goes to the dr's and gets a prescription for an antidepressant- something he has started taking recently- he has been trying to stop smoking weed and hash and found it very stressful ( I don't get that) but anyway - whatever gets you through- so we know that- we know he went and got a refill on his prescription... after dropping off the kids- we now know that this is what transpired-to the best of everyone's knowledge. Jgg leaves S's house and goes to the liquor and beer store... he goes home, downs a bottle of vodka and 8 beers..he takes a bottle of asprin and the bottle of anti-depressants... he calls into work sick- and the person who took the call thought he wasn't making sense and sounded drunk- he apparently was making comments like "I'm checking out" and things of that nature. The person who took the call hangs up with JGG and calls 911. Jgg tries to make it into his bedroom where he has garbages bags, bungy cords and an art project his oldest son made him. He never makes it there- he passes out, hits the floor face first. Broke his nose, and though it is still uncertain at this point, his hip is most likely broken as well. An undetermined amount of time after he took everything, the police arrive and are unable to get an answer at the door. They try to bust the door down and can't because something is blocking it. The end up breaking out a window, and finding him face down in a pool of blood. They don't know if he had shot himself or what- but have vitals so they get an ambulance there and he is rushed to the hospital. They find a suicide note and the computer is on with pages up about how to kill yourself. All the windows and doors are baracaded with wood and other things to ensure no one would get in or at least have a hard time of it.. Party girl is called as she is on her way home to tell her to go to the hospital. She was about to go and pick up the 2 boys and GO HOME- she calls S of course and tells her all she knows which at that point was nothing- she didn't know if he was dead or alive.. I can't even imagine. S and I kept in contact all night long-he was alive.. and had a breathing tube in- he could not for some unknown reason breath on his own.. it finally came out early this morning. The suicide note did not give any clues as to why other than generalities such as "torment" he had been suffering for 20 years- he started out his note by apologizing for them having to find him like that so he intentionally wanted his wife and 2 small children to find him dead- BULLSHIT. Now, I know JGG had a fucked up childhood- we all did- I had about as fucked up one as you can have and other than regualr teenage blues, never considered shit like that nor did I let my shitty childhood and the things that happend to me stay with me for my whole life.. I fucken moved on ok- so this fucken guy- (I say that like I dont know him from Jack- but I am so mad..) does this shit when he knows his wife and kids are coming home and will find him. Your fucken babies.. I dont understand, I don't understand.. if you wanted to do something like this- go to a hotel room, go somewhere else, not in your home, not where your babies sleep... he is apparently, in a lot of pain right now, still groggy and in and out. It took a long time for him to come to- they still don't know the extent of his injuries because he is too unstable to take him to xray. Party Girl says he mainly just lies there and says nothing, and that it seems pretty apparent that he is disappointed that he was "saved". He only remembers drinking and drinking and blocking the doors off and nothing after. He is not apologetic, and seems terribly sad.. I want to feel bad for him, and I suppose I do in a way but I am so mad- so fucken mad that he would do something this extreme instead of reaching out- running away even, talking- anything! No one had any indication at all that he was capable of this sort of thing - I would never have guessed in a million years- never never never- not him- he was never down or sad he was always the one making us laugh and fooling around.. I dont get it - I don't understand. I can say without doubt he is obviously mnetally ill in whatever way- you have to be to pull shit like that- no question- and we do know there is a family history of this-his father who was a fucked up individual would pull this sort of thing every few years and they would get a call and go rushing off - but his were always (or at least they seemed to be) very half-hearted attempts- but this was so caluculated- and but for that person from his work being smart enough to call 911 - he would without a doubt be dead whether he got that bag on his head or not... and I just don't understand- what is so bad? What cannot be fixed? Party Girl and her mom went back to the house sometime in the middle fo the night. She said the "history" on the computer showed as far back as 5 weeks of him going onto websites about suicide and different methods. I was with him not 3 weeks ago and we had a great time - you would never have known he was thinking about anything remotely close to that- never never never. Poor Party Girl she is so fucked up she doesn't know what to do- what happens when he is released? She will be afraid to leave him alone ever and what is she going to be thinking everytime she walks through that door? He will not be left alone with the kids ever- like what the fuck?? I have this horrible feeling this isn't the end of this- I can feel in my heart that he will find a way and he will do it-we have to get him help and figure out what the fuck is going on in his mind and try to help him.. this is just crazy.. so there you have it... fucken bullshit stupidity... my heart aches... I just don't understand...