WHAT THE???!!!

So the other day, Pickle was invited to a lunch date at her little friends house. So, to forgo any freakshows with the boys, I took them to McDonald's for lunch and we even sat in the van watching a movie while they ate to make it a bit more interesting. So, anyway, I parked in the farthest end of the parking lot, it was empty, got the boys settled and eating and sat in the front seat doing different things to amuse myself like clean out my purse, text messaged a few people etc etc. So after only being there a minute or so, another car parked a few spaces down. It was a middle aged woman I suppose, I couldn't really tell. Irregardless, I glanced at her now and again and was shocked to see that in the 7 minutes she sat there in her car (yes, I timed her- well, I happened to just look at the time when she first drove up) she consumed a big mac, a cheeseburger (could have had bacon, not sure ) a large fry, a coke (probably diet - that drives me nuts!) and an apple pie. 7 Minutes! I was horrified at the rate she was consuming her food- it was crazy.. Anyway she finished, threw the bag in the back seat and hurriedly drove off. Not 2 minutes later another car drove up and almost the exact thing happened- Ok I am not exaggerating here- but in the 45 minutes (maybe ) we sat there- 7 women - all women drove up- and remember we are in the way far back of the lot- harfed down their food in massive quantities and drove off like mad women.. what the hell? Am I missing something? Is this normal? I cannot ever say that I have done that ever- not to say, maybe some were hungry, on a short lunch break, but my guess is, because sadly most of them were on the larger side, that this is perhaps a sneaky thing- go harf down Mickey Dee's before picking the kids up from school and pretend she wasn't cheating on her diet.. I dunno- I was sitting there after a while thinking I was on Candid Camera or something- it was absolutely unreal- just crazy shit.. anyway I thought I would share.....

MY NEW OBSESSION

Tonight at the kids' swimming class I finally saw my new niece- I am still sick so I could not pick her up or touch her- I had to admire her from afar.. but here is my new sweet baby booba - my little Miss Rylee.... I just want to eat her up!

PICKLEISM'S

Ok this chick is too much- everyday it is something else... I don't know where she gets it from - everyone says its me- but yeah no, I disagree- she's one of a kind this girl... OK so to set the scene, I was making a dvd for CC like a video slideshow- you know in case he's missing the kids or whatever he can pop it on - I put pics on there from birth up until now - anyway so I was watching after I made it, and there is a picture of her with me at a friends cottage- she was only about 7 or 8 months old although in the picture she looks only about 3 months old cause she was so small, and anyway she's in a bikini- (I know, can you just picture it? ) anyway she walks in the room as that picture comes up and she says "oh, look at me, aren't I precious in my zucchini!" ... I laughed all night about that... she's so funny...OK I will post the pic- it's very cute. (poor girl with no hair.... )

HIBERNATION WEEKEND

OK I liked the point form thing I did last time- It lets me get out a lot when I don't have a lot of time- so here we go again :

* Ended up at the hospital with Little man on Thursday- his asthma was so bad with him being sick- ended up getting 2 mask treatments and is on steroids for 3 days.. poor little lamb..

* I am now sick too- Boo Hiss!

* Last night at 11:45 p.m. my new baby niece was born- blonde hair blue eyes... Haven't seen her yet and with me being sick now it will be a few days.. I can't wait to squeeze her.

* Been giving a lot of thought to quitting smoking- I know I should have years ago- or better yet never started again after the babies- but I am scared that something will happen to me and where will my babies be then? I have to do it- even though I love it- yes, yes, I do love it so- but I must- I have to - I can do this-

* S and I have decided to spend thanksgiving together this year- she's had it with all the drama with her family and CC most likely will not be here so I think it will be fun- we've planned the whole day doing all the things we love- a little crafty session, lots of food and drink- and just all being thankful... oh that was gay huh? Oh well.. I am...

* Had a dream about S last night (the other one) I didn't remember it when I got up- but I just know he was in it. Still miss him, but it's better this way- I think.

* went through all the kids toys today and got rid of an awful lot. It was disgusting me how much stuff they have. But truly, it is my fault, I cannot help myself- I buy and buy- I always seem to find something for them whenever I am out- it's awful- I guess its because I had fuck all as a kid so I want them to have it all... yah yah.. poor me.. ha

* I was thinking (and if anyone knows a way to do this I would love to hear about it) that there are some people who read my blog that I would rather they did not- not to say that my blog is something special- it is what it is- but I would rather certain people didn't have an insight to what is going on in my life considering they haven't given a shit enough for over 5 years to call me or visit. I think it sucks that they can still find out what is going on with me without getting it from me - you know what I mean? Chicken shit- that's what- anyway I don't even know how these people or person as it may be found out about my blog- maybe by accident- but still I wish I could control who saw it and who didn't.. but I choose to do this for all the world to see, so I guess that's what I get.

* Making up a care package for CC. The kids are making pictures and "letters" for him and I am sending some dvds of the kids and stuff- hope I am not wasting my time. You never know how he will react to things- maybe he will be all happy and emotional- maybe it will be like- " what is this for?" men.. such asses....

* Ok it's after 1 in the morning... I still have toys out everywhere trying to find a place for things ... sigh.. why am I such a packrat?

POINT FORM UPDATES

Ok since I have so much to say and have been so negligent lately- I shall write in point form and if any of it needs clarification you all can ask and I shall elaborate... ok let's go:

* Little man is fine- took him to hospital, they made me feel stupid, I didn't care- got an appointment for a derm. -in NOVEMBER! Clearing up on its own- definitely wasn't what I was told it was originally- poor little man...

* CC came home for one night- starting to work a night shift now- won't see him for at least 5 weeks now for sure. He cried when he left- so did I- it was weird.

* All babies are terribly sick- started today- got worse as the day went on. Pickle had dance class- I didn't want to drag everyone there- she cried and begged to go trying to convince me she was feeling ok. I took her- she fell asleep on the way home and has been out ever since... poor little lamb.

* My uncle has lung cancer- or rather a mass on his lung which is cancerous- don't know if there is a difference. Love him dearly- my heart aches- I am scared and don't know how to approach it all. Again I have been negligent- always- there is never enough time- guilt eats away at me daily. Please let him be ok...

* Sister in law was due last weekend- being induced Friday- another girl- more joy- another baby to squeeze... I miss it terribly- having a baby around all the time- I wish I could have more- I would in a heartbeat- without hesitation.... sigh

* In laws have been here 3-5 times a week- slowly driving me insane- I must make it stop- I cannot deal with them here every day- it is too too much...


* Mr. Zach finally got his treehouse from Make A Wish foundation- he's in love- we have yet to see it- but I hear it is something out of the Hundred Acre Wood... just dreamy

* Curly got his finger slammed in a door (he actually did it himself trying to escape Little Man) it is awful horrible- gross- I cannot take shit like that- poor thing- purple bruised, sore- ouch! Poor baby...

* Literally having a phobia going outside at night- Smoke breaks and stuff you know- and why? Spiders! I have a big big problem with them- but it is getting to the point where I simply cannot bare it- I mean really like I am having a panic attack everytime I open the front door in fear I might see one or have one lowers its nasty self onto me. I know- ridiculous- welcome to the world of me...

* Christmas is coming. I cannot wait- Love it- already started shopping- can't wait to get some paper so I can start wrapping- LOOOOVE doing that ... stores already are stocking shelves with decorations and displays... LOOOOVE IT!

* what I love just as much as Christmas is Halloween- I am so excited to do up the house. It will suck this year because CC won't be here and who will give out the candy? You have to give out candy if your house is done up! It's like the law- so that is stressing me out.. see? why? Because I am me and I need to worry about something- always- might as well be that I guess.....

* cell phone is fucked already- just got it in May- my camera and video camera are all fucked up- like it shows up in night vision almost- hard to explain- bringing it in this week - they will give me a "loaner" and then probably tell me I did something to it or got it wet- WHICH I DID NOT. And I will be stuck with the piece of shit for the next 3 years.... that is my prediction.. we will see- maybe once again I will be pleasantly surprised when I am expecting the worst...

* A conversation overheard just now: Pickle to Curly " You can sit near me but don't touch my juice with your lips- it has germs on it- I'm serious...."

Ok Pickle is up and hungry- will snot running down her face- poor lamb- off to make chicken soup at 10:35 at night....

VECLEMPT ONCE AGAIN- TALK AMONGST YOURSELVES

Someone sent me this today and I almost bawled... get a tissue and read on...

TO MY CHILD

Just for this morning, I am going to
smile when I see your face and laugh
when I feel like crying.
Just for this morning, I will let you
choose what you want to wear,
and smile and say how perfect it is.
Just for this morning, I am going to step
over the laundry and pick you up and take you to
the park to play.
Just for this morning, I will leave the
dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put
that puzzle of yours together.
Just for this afternoon, I will unplug
the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with
you in the backyard and blow bubbles.
Just for this afternoon, I will not yell
once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and
whine for the ice cream truck, and I will buy you one
if he comes by.
Just for this afternoon, I won't worry
about what you are going to be when you grow up, or
second guess every decision I have made where you are
concerned.
Just for this afternoon, I will let you
help me bake cookies, and I won't stand over you
trying to fix them.
Just for this afternoon, I will take us
to McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can
have both toys.
just for this evening, I will hold you in
my arms and tell you a story about how you were
born and how much I love you.
Just for this evening, I will let you
splash in the tub and not get angry.
Just for this evening, I will let you
stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all
the stars.
Just for this evening, I will snuggle
beside you for hours, and miss my favourite TV
shows.
Just for this evening when I run my
finger through your hair as you pray, I will simply be
grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever
given.
I will think about the mothers and
fathers who are searching for their missing children, the
mothers and fathers who are visiting their children's
graves instead of their bedrooms. The mothers
and fathers who are in hospital rooms
watching their children suffer senselessly and screaming
inside that little body
And when I kiss you goodnight I will hold
you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then,
that I will thank God for you, and ask him for
nothing, except one more day.............

SIGH>>>>>

Ok so I have been lagging in my blog entries, returning emails and everything else lately- so if I "owe" you an email- I am sorry- and if you keep checking my blogs and see nothing new, I am sorry about that too. I have been researching the problems my little man has been having and it seems to have consumed me. Those of you who have read my previous blogs will know about the blisters my little man developed all over his fingers and hands last week. Since then we went to a walk in clinic where they were no help and just recently the pediatrician who said he had some strange viral infection with a strange name that basically he could do nothing for. Not only that, but it can last from a month to 2 years and he can spread it to his siblings- I'm told not to worry about infecting others because it would take "prolonged intimate contact" not casual- now.. since hearing this I have been researching it on the net and I beg to differ with this diagnosis- first of all it looks nothing like the pictures I have seen on the net and secondly it is spreading to areas it isn't supposed to if it is what they say . I also can't figure out where the hell he would have picked this up and why the other 2 don't have it- it doesn't make sense at all. I am not comfortable without having a second opinion- not in this case, not when I am not convinced this is what it is. I have asked their Ped to give me a referral for a dematologist, but so far I have heard nothing- I don't know if Dr's get their noses out of joint if someone wants a second opinion, but it urkes me. So I have called about 50 different dermatologist anywhere close to my home and everyone wants a referral. I think my only option at this point is to take him to a hospital and maybe there I can get the answers I need. I feel so sorry for him I could cry- it doesn't seem to bother him but at night when he sleeps I see him trying to itch his fingers and he moans and it oh so heartbreaking.... So bare with me people... Dr. Jen will be back once I figure this shit out...

THE REAL THING -SEE BLOG ENTRY A FEW POSTS BELOW

PICKLE'S CLIP ONS

HAVE TO POST EACH PIC SEPARATELY... GRRRR...

MY OTHER BABIES

Ok so first off, I am not a big "Fish" person- eating it or otherwise but CC has a huge 110 gallon tank which is in our basement. So, to try to get me into the spirit of the tank- which I hate because it is so fucken big, he allowed me to choose the fish that would go into it when we first set it up. So I chose fancy guppies- simple little fish, friendly and the males have beautiful flowing colorful tails. So anyway a couple of months after we had the fish in, I spotted a tiny baby fish and couldn't figure out where it came from. Well, I did some research and found that guppies procreate very easily and often and produce up to 25 fry at a time (that's fish talk don't ya know) so anyway I quickly named my baby fish Nemo because it seemed to be the sole survivor of what could have been 25 babies. Anyway, soon after, Nemo disappeared and it is still unknown whether he was sucked up the filter or eaten by another fish. Since then I have been able to monitor the female fish and figured out when they were about to give birth. I bought a birthing net (yes, I am officially a looser) and was able to get my pregnant fish into it and rescue the fry as she gave birth- the first 2 times I didn't see it happen and woke up the next day to find babies in the birthing net - and the last time I actually video taped the fish giving birth- it was pretty cool. So anyway the last big drop of fish came in May and I bought another small tank to keep all the babies in. So they have all been in the little tank since and oddly enough, there haven't been anymore births since then- none that I have been able to track anyway. So Today I transferred some of the bigger fry into the big tank- I now have 14 babies in the big tank and still 25 in the small tank and I must say I am rather impressed with all the colors coming out on them. Obviously we have no way of knowing which female mates with which male- so just in the past few weeks their colors have started to come out with some amazing results- much nicer than I had even hoped. And they are so so small when they are born and they are just all like see through eh, well, now we are getting some nice looking tail colours as well as some of them having beautiful colours on their bodies.. anyway I tried to take some pics of them, but between the glare of the flash, or being too dark, or too small or everyone fucken moving! (Stay still damn you all!) my pictures didn't turn out very well, I will select a couple and post them just so you can all see.. It's pretty cool. I'm now down to 3 males and 2 females of the original 14 total guppies like 4 months ago- but a couple got sick and some just perished under the stress of the fucken male fish chasing them around trying to get it on all the time.. Typical males... simma down na!!!

VERY DISTURBING

So there other day- I notice my son had what looked like a bug bite on his wrist- never thought anything of it and then yesterday I noticed he had blisters on his fingers- like one whole finger was blistered all the way around almost and then there was one on his palm as well- the one I thought was a bug bite also, now a blister. So I asked him if he had touched something- a lightbulb, anything to make him blister- he didn't say anything - he didn't know. So I touched it- it didn't seem to hurt him and he hasn't been itchy- Anyway I left it alone... But now today he woke up and had them on the other hand- in between his fingers and a few on his arms- now these are not tiny little pin sized blisters- these are like blister blisters- so weird.. so now both hands, mostly his fingers and a couple on each arm- WEIRD WEIRD WEIRD>>>>> so I take him to the walk in clinic today to get him checked out and the Dr is baffled- he says it definitely does not look like that hand foot mouth disease kids sometimes get because he has none on his feet or in his mouth, it isn't sore and it doesn't hurt or itch- so he hasn't a clue- he basically told me to keep an eye on him and if he develops a fever or it gets worse to bring him back but until then he doesn't know what to tell me. All that he could say is that it is extremely unlikely it is anything serious... I dunno man- just freakin weird.....

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL

So the babies (babies... geez, cut the cord already!) went to school on Wednesday- first day of SK! I think I mentioned before- they now go all day every other day as opposed to every day in either morning or afternoon- anyway I hate it- not for me but for them. I think it is too much for them and confusing- it doesn't seem very consistent.... Anyway they seemed to enjoy it- they all did well, although there were only 6 kids there the first day, the rest come in slowly next week where they go all three days... sigh.. Anyway at least I will get some time to myself and be able to get things done.. I dunno- I guess I just worry...

Technical Difficulties

OK my last entry said it was including pictures of little pickle- yet there are no pictures there- don't know why it isn't working- I am aware of the problem and will continue to try to download them.. Thank you for your patience.... ha- aren't I formal.... fuck off- you'll see them when I get around to doing it- dumbasses.... there- sound more like me? HA!

Little Pickle and her "new ears"

So all of a sudden, out of the blue about a week and a half ago Little Pickle decided she "was ready" to get her ears pierced. I always told her when she was ready we could go and have them done. So one day she decided it was time. So Nana and Papa were coming over anyway that night and we decided then, we would go to the mall and have them done. So off we go. So the lady at the store went through everything with her and we picked the earrings out she wanted and got all set to go. As soon as the lady came near her with the gun, she flinched and was like "oh no no..." so the lady asked if she would feel better if she sat on Mommy's knee- so fine we got all ready again, and this time, when the lady came near her- (with a packed store to boot) she very loudly in a very concerned voice says "Mommy! I'm not ready!!" It was just priceless... So needless to say that halted everything- I wasn't going to make her do it- I didn't care if the earrings had to be thrown out that were already in the gun- fuck that I don't care... anyway so she started to get upset and I was just telling her not to worry- it's cool - we don't have to do it- so then she suggests maybe we just get some that just "stick on". So off we went to the display with all the clip on earrings and she picked out 3 pairs and she was happier than a pig in shit- it was sooo adorable.. So later that night CC called and she told him about our little outing and he told her maybe when he was home on the weekend he could take her (because he wears earrings -in one ear ) maybe she would be more receptive if he was with her- I agreed but secretly inside I was thinking yah, like fuck... anyway so when he came home this past weekend- we went and we all talked her through it. They did the first ear and I thought she was going to cry- It did hurt her and scared her I think. So after that she was done- she was all "no, no that's ok, I'm done now" and we were like we have to finish now- you only have one ear done! And she was trying to reason with us eh, it was so funny, she said "That's ok I only want one- Daddy only has one" things like that- I felt sorry for her- but soon enough we convinced her it was the right thing to do and that we had to finish- she gave in- and so now my little precious has pierced ears! Too cute- and of course, she thinks she is all that now- too sweet- so the first picture is the "fake earrings" the clip-ons, and the second one is the real deal... sniff sniff, my baby girl is growing up......

Get Ready to Read

Ok I think finally the slump is over- I have been very down in the dumps lately- I mean really down- my children were just horrific this past few weeks and I was quite seriously at the end of my rope- but good news- for 2 days now, they have been wonderful- still little tifs here and there but if you had only seen them the past while - it has been so bad- and all of them too- not just one of them- so let's hope this is the start of something wonderful again- let's just hope. Ok because I have been so down and stressed and everything else- all the things I have wanted to write about or meant to write about I haven't- so this is officially catch up day so you could see as many as 5 or 6 different blog entries today.. So get comfy- here we gooooooo.....

MAKE A NEW PLAN STAN

Ok so I have decided, after this weekend's events (of which I will fill you in later) that I have to start a new goals list- I have already partially done so with my diet buddies- but that was written in haste and I have many goals other than the diet thing although that will be highest on my list I think... Anyway I have much I would like to do- now, I need to get the motivation to do it all and things will work out just fine. One of the most important things to me which will in return make my life easier all the way around is time management and organization. I am organized in a sense- but I need more...Time management is tre important as I end up leaving things to the last minute and then am stressed and rushed... So we must work on this. Then of course there is the diet thing- got to get on track with that- I would ultimately love to be at my goal by Christmas so that you know you see everyone over the holidays and they are like "wow- look at her- she looks good" you know- so that's important to me- And then of course there is the all important self improvement- like looking into doing a correspondence course- and actually doing it this time- and get that diploma once and for all. There is no reason not to- so I am thinking about things and trying to get myself into a routine and get on it- immediately.... Time to start a new me... A better me- for me- not for anyone else- fuck the world- no one's gonna help me- I'm on my own in oh so many ways- so it's time to take the bull by the horns and go!!! Sounds pretty motivated don't it? Yeah, let's see how it all pans out.. Come on girl! Let's do it! Just do it!

THE VERY LONG AND THE SHORT OF IT

Ok Talk about a long recovery from vacation, I know- I have been, shall we say, a little out of sorts lately. Frustrated, sad, hating every moment of every day, tired, unappreciated etc. etc. etc. It seems, this past month has progressively gotten worse.
First things first- Update on vacation- we went to Wasaga beach- about 2 hours away from here- nice place- beautiful beach- kids loved that. I didn't however get a moments peace. The kids were unusually annoying, and "jerkseph" as we often call him was in rare form- freaking out at every opportunity, hitting, whining, and annoying everyone. Anyway- the days where it was nice enough to go to the beach we did just that and spent as much time there as we could - the kids were always good when we were there. CC managed to come up for about 5 out of the 7 days but again- I got no help or relief - but that I suppose goes without saying. Then magically my best friend S came up for 2 days and rented a place, on a whim right behind us- along with little Zack who was also, like mine, in rare form- I felt badly for S and even though I know she is used to it- I guess we all think things will be different because it's "vacation" and some how the kids will actually get it and just be nice and appreciative and loving- WRONG... Anyway at least I got to see her although again between hers and mine- we didn't get to spend the time together doing "our thing" like I would have liked. On another note- my nephew sure surprised me- firstly he is 15 almost 16 and brought his girlfriend with him who I like I suppose- but still there is something about her I don't and I can't put my finger on it- it could be just because I think no one will ever be good enough for him- anyway he and she spend literally 90% of the time in their room doing god knows what- sleeping, video games whatever- but they just hibernated in there the whole time and it really urked me. We actually got into it one night about that but I would rather not get into it- nothing serious really- I think at that point we had all just had enough..... Anyway - there were lots of disappointments on this vacation- but still all in all it was nice having a change of scenery and being at the beach for a few days.....
Since then, CC has been laid off from the job in Windsor and came home last night. He does however start another job on Tuesday this time in Sarnia- pretty much the same distance away which means he won't be here and we'll still be paying for hotel food etc. And mmm...Where do you think CC is now??? NOT HERE! I was out today for 1 hour this morning grocery shopping and he calls me while I am at the check out asking me where I was when I am coming back- he can't take the kids anymore etc etc etc. So the minute I walk in the door he's dressed and ready to go out- He ends up at some friends of ours who recently had twins- boy and a girl who I have yet to see- anyway that I didn't mind- but that was... let's see- 6 hours ago- he has since left there and has gone to another friend of ours. When I found this out I was pissed- I know it won't be a quick drop in- I told him I was not impressed and he commented about how he never gets to see his friends and blah blah blah wah wah wah.. I freaked out- I told him that I don't get to see my friends either- that my life for the past month has been fucken hell with these kids, that I can't even so much as wipe my own ass without a kid knocking on the door, or someone crying or fighting or whining. I told him- you got all freaked out about the kids today and how they were acting- LIVE MY FUCKEN LIFE! I have that 24/7! He doesn't get it- he thinks I'm living the high life here and it is so far from the truth its laughable! Anyway so I am completely annoyed with him- beyond belief- and all the feelings I have been having lately about telling him to come home and not worrying about the money that we will deal with it and do what we have to- and being tired of being alone and all that shit- well fuck it- get the fuck out of here- it'll just go back to the same old shit if he is here anyway and I will be worrying about that all the time- maybe its just better I don't know and let him do whatever the hell it is he does- I just gotta find my niche and create my own life here as a single parent- that which of course, I already am...
Whew...
OK next topic: Kid's go back to school on Wednesday- Sr. Kindergarten.
I am increasingly worried about this - on one hand I don't want them to go- on the other I am counting down the hours... Last year in JK they went every day in the afternoon- this year it has all changed and now they go ALL DAY every other day- well one week its Monday Wednesday- and the Next Monday Wednesday Friday and so on... I think it is confusing for kids and I also think a whole day is too much for them- they are still only 4- they are on the young end of school kids- they started at 3 when most start at 4 (in JK) anyway I think the system stinks and I just don't think its good to send them for a whole day- .. so I am worried about that- and I know my mornings now are just going to be ridiculous- having to get all 3 of them up and dressed and fed and off to school so early in the morning- talk about stress--- I can just see it-. And then of course there is Curly who is still having trouble writing his letters and he has no interest in it at all- it kills him to sit and practice with me- so I am worried about that. They just expect so much in Kindergarten now. When I was in kindergarten all we did was paint, colour, sleep and eat paste! Its just so much now- they are expected to know so much- sigh.. I don't know- I just worry.. Always worry....

What else... well, I dunno- I have just had the toughest few weeks- just crazy- the kids are out of control and I am loosing my fucken mind- I have permanent frown lines in my forehead and a constant headache. They won't listen to me, they have been fighting like cats and dogs, they demand things from me, they are rude and inconsiderate and annoying and just fucken out of their minds and I am really on the verge- like, seriously- all those years ago everyone told me how much easier things get- well that is fucken bullshit- things have gotten progressively worse as the years have gone on- like seriously- just fucken ridiculous- and let me tell ya something- if his mother tells me one more fucken time that "everyone has bad days- they are entitled to have a bad day too" or "well, what do you expect- you do have 3 of them 3X the trouble" or "They are just kids, that's what kids do" or any other of her fucken stupid remarks, I am gonna snap!! They have been over 4 times already since we got back last Saturday and not once did they ever offer to look after them while I get a break- they think that if we go out with the kids to the mall or here or there- that is a big help to me and a break- how the fuck is that a break for me may I ask??? Ok I can't get started on that topic or I will never stop- people are just fucken clueless that is all I can say about that.

Ok I better go- I have vented quite a bit and still have much to say- how about I leave it for tomorrow? Yes, yes, I think I shall leave it for tomorrow and continue my bitchfest then... I need a smoke god, do I need a smoke...