THE VERY LONG AND THE SHORT OF IT

Ok Talk about a long recovery from vacation, I know- I have been, shall we say, a little out of sorts lately. Frustrated, sad, hating every moment of every day, tired, unappreciated etc. etc. etc. It seems, this past month has progressively gotten worse.
First things first- Update on vacation- we went to Wasaga beach- about 2 hours away from here- nice place- beautiful beach- kids loved that. I didn't however get a moments peace. The kids were unusually annoying, and "jerkseph" as we often call him was in rare form- freaking out at every opportunity, hitting, whining, and annoying everyone. Anyway- the days where it was nice enough to go to the beach we did just that and spent as much time there as we could - the kids were always good when we were there. CC managed to come up for about 5 out of the 7 days but again- I got no help or relief - but that I suppose goes without saying. Then magically my best friend S came up for 2 days and rented a place, on a whim right behind us- along with little Zack who was also, like mine, in rare form- I felt badly for S and even though I know she is used to it- I guess we all think things will be different because it's "vacation" and some how the kids will actually get it and just be nice and appreciative and loving- WRONG... Anyway at least I got to see her although again between hers and mine- we didn't get to spend the time together doing "our thing" like I would have liked. On another note- my nephew sure surprised me- firstly he is 15 almost 16 and brought his girlfriend with him who I like I suppose- but still there is something about her I don't and I can't put my finger on it- it could be just because I think no one will ever be good enough for him- anyway he and she spend literally 90% of the time in their room doing god knows what- sleeping, video games whatever- but they just hibernated in there the whole time and it really urked me. We actually got into it one night about that but I would rather not get into it- nothing serious really- I think at that point we had all just had enough..... Anyway - there were lots of disappointments on this vacation- but still all in all it was nice having a change of scenery and being at the beach for a few days.....
Since then, CC has been laid off from the job in Windsor and came home last night. He does however start another job on Tuesday this time in Sarnia- pretty much the same distance away which means he won't be here and we'll still be paying for hotel food etc. And mmm...Where do you think CC is now??? NOT HERE! I was out today for 1 hour this morning grocery shopping and he calls me while I am at the check out asking me where I was when I am coming back- he can't take the kids anymore etc etc etc. So the minute I walk in the door he's dressed and ready to go out- He ends up at some friends of ours who recently had twins- boy and a girl who I have yet to see- anyway that I didn't mind- but that was... let's see- 6 hours ago- he has since left there and has gone to another friend of ours. When I found this out I was pissed- I know it won't be a quick drop in- I told him I was not impressed and he commented about how he never gets to see his friends and blah blah blah wah wah wah.. I freaked out- I told him that I don't get to see my friends either- that my life for the past month has been fucken hell with these kids, that I can't even so much as wipe my own ass without a kid knocking on the door, or someone crying or fighting or whining. I told him- you got all freaked out about the kids today and how they were acting- LIVE MY FUCKEN LIFE! I have that 24/7! He doesn't get it- he thinks I'm living the high life here and it is so far from the truth its laughable! Anyway so I am completely annoyed with him- beyond belief- and all the feelings I have been having lately about telling him to come home and not worrying about the money that we will deal with it and do what we have to- and being tired of being alone and all that shit- well fuck it- get the fuck out of here- it'll just go back to the same old shit if he is here anyway and I will be worrying about that all the time- maybe its just better I don't know and let him do whatever the hell it is he does- I just gotta find my niche and create my own life here as a single parent- that which of course, I already am...
Whew...
OK next topic: Kid's go back to school on Wednesday- Sr. Kindergarten.
I am increasingly worried about this - on one hand I don't want them to go- on the other I am counting down the hours... Last year in JK they went every day in the afternoon- this year it has all changed and now they go ALL DAY every other day- well one week its Monday Wednesday- and the Next Monday Wednesday Friday and so on... I think it is confusing for kids and I also think a whole day is too much for them- they are still only 4- they are on the young end of school kids- they started at 3 when most start at 4 (in JK) anyway I think the system stinks and I just don't think its good to send them for a whole day- .. so I am worried about that- and I know my mornings now are just going to be ridiculous- having to get all 3 of them up and dressed and fed and off to school so early in the morning- talk about stress--- I can just see it-. And then of course there is Curly who is still having trouble writing his letters and he has no interest in it at all- it kills him to sit and practice with me- so I am worried about that. They just expect so much in Kindergarten now. When I was in kindergarten all we did was paint, colour, sleep and eat paste! Its just so much now- they are expected to know so much- sigh.. I don't know- I just worry.. Always worry....

What else... well, I dunno- I have just had the toughest few weeks- just crazy- the kids are out of control and I am loosing my fucken mind- I have permanent frown lines in my forehead and a constant headache. They won't listen to me, they have been fighting like cats and dogs, they demand things from me, they are rude and inconsiderate and annoying and just fucken out of their minds and I am really on the verge- like, seriously- all those years ago everyone told me how much easier things get- well that is fucken bullshit- things have gotten progressively worse as the years have gone on- like seriously- just fucken ridiculous- and let me tell ya something- if his mother tells me one more fucken time that "everyone has bad days- they are entitled to have a bad day too" or "well, what do you expect- you do have 3 of them 3X the trouble" or "They are just kids, that's what kids do" or any other of her fucken stupid remarks, I am gonna snap!! They have been over 4 times already since we got back last Saturday and not once did they ever offer to look after them while I get a break- they think that if we go out with the kids to the mall or here or there- that is a big help to me and a break- how the fuck is that a break for me may I ask??? Ok I can't get started on that topic or I will never stop- people are just fucken clueless that is all I can say about that.

Ok I better go- I have vented quite a bit and still have much to say- how about I leave it for tomorrow? Yes, yes, I think I shall leave it for tomorrow and continue my bitchfest then... I need a smoke god, do I need a smoke...