WHERE'S A VIDEO CAMERA WHEN YOU NEED ONE?

Ok as I was typing the heading to this post it suddenly occurred to me that directly across the street my neighbour just recently installed video security cameras and there is a camera right outside his door, and one on the garage door both facing the vicinity of his driveway which is directly across from mine- keep this in mind as you read this:
So tomorrow is garbage/recycling/compost day so as the man of the house it is my duty to get it all together and put out to the curb the night before. And of course I always leave it for the last moment - right before I go to bed. So, being that as it may, I am already in jammies and so whilst I was taking stuff out to the curb, I just throw on a pair of slip on shoes and a sweatercoat even though the temperature out there right now is a balmy 2o below zero- no shit. So anyway I get all the shit from the house and put it out and then open the garage with my remote (because the keypad does not work when it is even remotely cold out) and I gather all the shit from in there running the whole time because it is fucken cold out- and then I go to click the doorbell from inside the garage which also shuts it and it starts to close but then stops and goes back up which usually means something is in the way of the sensors- so I move everything way way back and try and try and try and nothing- it won't go down. So I try the remote which will not work at all- so this goes on now for about 15 minutes and I am fucken cold and frustrated. What do I do? Do I call someone? Unlikely because this is now 11:30 at night and who the fuck wants to get a call from a chick who can't get her garage closed on the coldest night of the season? Anyway.. so I am trying to come up with options here and the only thing I could think of is if I go inside the garage and close it with the doorbell thing and do an Indiana Jones move and roll out just as the door is almost closed. So I try this- several times and yeah just not fast enough I am afraid because it gets to a certain point and then starts opening again- this in itself is enough to make me want to cry now and so I figure the only option is to let the door close as close to the floor as I can and stop it so I can squeeze out. So I do this and get out and realize- yeah no, this is not good- the garage is way to open and anyone could walk along and come and take my shit. So I'm on the outside now and I think maybe if I try the remote now it will close all the way- yeah no.. it opens again so I am now back in the garage letting it close only so far and rolling out on the cold hard ground. And again it is way to open and I press the remote and again it goes back up- so I try it this time giving myself as little possible space as I can- I mean I had to suck every orfus of my body in - but no- sadly I am not quite that thin- so I go to open it a bit more (I'm on the inside remember) and this time it closes - and I press the button and NOTHING! It will not do anything. I am on the inside of the garage and I am stuck and the door will not open and my babies are inside and I am half dressed and cold. So I try and try and try- I would say only about 10 minutes went by but it felt like an hour I swear- I could barely move my hands and my feet were so fucken cold. I decided I would press the button one more time before I started screaming for help. I did and it worked (obviously or I would not be typing this now would I?) so I got the fuck out of there and the left the fucken garage open... great - now I will not sleep because I will be afraid someone will come in and take my stuff- or maybe animals will camp out in there- shit man there are skunks out all over the place the night before garbage day- that's what I need- a family of skunks in my garage....- holy shit- what a fucken crap night......At least my neighbours will have a good laugh when they review their footage... Somehow I picture them sitting in front of a tv with popcorn howling as they watched me roll around on the floor... great.. can you say LOOSER?!