60 DAYS SOBER

Yesterday, CC "celebrated" 60 days sober by puking all day. Oh yes, my 4th child has come down with the same thing the little ones did. Lovely. I still am amazed how 99% of the time I don't catch what everyone else has even though for the most past I was up to my ass in puke all week. It doesn't seem logical that they catch it from each other so easily and I don't catch it at all... wait a second.. maybe I should shut up, I may jinx myself.

So speaking of CC, its been a rough couple of weeks for him. First of all one day (did I tell you this? mmm. I don't recall, if I did- just nod politely and let me carry on and think I am telling you all something you have never heard before even though you are slightly annoyed that I have no recollection of telling you this before and you really don't want to hear it again- if I haven't on the other hand, well, you'll be learning about something else from my life then won't you?) Anyhoooo, CC had to make a trip to a dentist while he was in the treatment centre because of a tooth ache he had- they put in a temporary filing and told him to see his regular dentist when he got back but that the filing was good for about 6 months.. So one day he wakes up and tell me the tooth with the temp filing was really sore. So I make an appointment for like a few days later and left it at that. Well, the next morning CC woke up and he was not CC- he was the Nutty Professor! The whole side of his face was so swollen it was incredible. I had to laugh- yes I am mean, but I did truly have to laugh- I though he had stuffed something up in his cheeks or something- it was massive! Anyway needless to say his tooth or whatever got infected and we got him to the dentist so they could prescribe antibiotics. So he was on those for a week and then the poor guy ends up having to get a root canal done. Yikes. So during this time- it was like a week in total, he did not go to one meeting. He was in so much pain. I started to get worried because even though there was this underlying issue- things started to get a little too comfortable. Like he was slowly slipping back into his lazy ways- lying around doing nothing- ignoring all of us. I mentioned to him that he should maybe go to a meeting and he shot me down. I knew he wasn't doing anything because he never left the house- so I felt ok with knowing that- but it started to get a little scary to me. So then he starts work Tuesday and he hates it- and now he's got the stomach flu. What a kick in the ass. We had a long talk today and he told me he was a little depressed and emotional the last week or so and he didn't know why. He knows part of it is because he hates the job he is at now. He also said he has been having using dreams. He used to have them a lot when he was in treatment and it scares the shit out of him. Like literally he will dream he is doing blow or whatever and then when he wakes up he is literally hung over or feels like he is coming down from the drug. It's all this psychological shit- pretty scary. So last night he had another and woke up feeling extra bad because on top of that he is sick too right, its crazy shit. So anyway what CC told me was that in treatment they go on about how much your life will change when you are sober and you can live "happy joyous and free" and basically he is waiting for that happy joyous and free feeling. He says home is great- he's been real good with the kids and they ask where he is when he is not here which is a big deal because for months they never asked about him at all. Pickle gets worried when I say he is at work because she automatically thinks he is away for work again so we have to constantly re-assure her that he will be home that night. CC says the main thing is that even though he isn't using anymore and pissing away all the money- we are in so much debt that even though we should have all this extra money because he isn't using, we don't. He only started working a few days ago and the bills are piled high, there seems like no relief in the immediate future and he is having a hard time dealing with that. He knows why we have no money, and he knows he can make a shit load if he wanted to- but he doesn't because that will bring him back to the places people and things that got him into trouble in the first place. I think really he expected that after he got out and came home everything would fall into place and be great and wonderful and a lot of it is, but it all can't be fixed in one day. I see what he is feeling. I kinda feel the same way too. Things are ok don't get me wrong- but the "honeymoon" of his recovery is over- he's not as lovely dovey as he was the first week or so- and that's ok because truthfully it was all a bit nauseating to me, but I can see how our expectations let us down. Bottom line is, he is having trouble adjusting to sober life and not having everything perfect or as perfect as he wants them to. And in the old days he would just get high so he didn't;t have to think about it or deal with it- but now I guess he has to find new ways of dealing with stress and life's up's and down's in general and it is hard for him. I have a little trouble understanding that because all of us "normal" people have been doing that our whole lives and don't need drugs or alcohol to deal with the shit we go through, but then again, we aren't addicts....