Ok so briefly I will update you on the chaos of my life. 2 weeks almost to the day that Curly and Pickle came down with the chicken pox, Little man did as well and with a fucken vengeance I tell you- he got them twice as much as Pickle and three times as much as Curly.. it has been awful- and Little Man is not like the other 2- not a good patient... and that's all I have to say about that. We missed going to my dear Shell's for her towns Christmas parade and a day of Christmas crafts and well, just being with her.. he missed CC's work Christmas party. I ended up taking the other 2 whilst CC stayed home with him-poor dear.. Hopefully by Thursday he should be ready to go back to school and then my 22 day run of being home bound and constantly with at least one child will be over and I can get back to my routine- my sad, lonely boring routine.. but you know what right now I will take that any day over looking after another child with chicken pox- fucken A.
So despite my set backs of late and not starting off the "holidays" as I wanted and not being able to start shopping or decorating or anything else, I am trying desperately to get into the Christmas spirit- to somehow overdo and make up for last year- anything has to be better than last year. And here I find myself typing this blog when I should in fact be cleaning the rest of this basement which I put on my list of things to do today and which at this point has not been completed and which I cannot cross off my list- I should be doing another load of laundry- which is also on my list, or a hundred other things- but I am sitting here - stalling I guess- I am wiped out emotionally and physically just wiped- I have given every ounce of patience and nurtured and comforted all I can and I am tired- anyway so here I sit listening to Christmas music while I waste away the hours and wonder why I am so tired in the morning.
Anyway speaking of Christmas- I will tell you what- O HOLY NIGHT has got to be I think my favourite song of all time. Not just Christmas songs- all songs. I have every version of any person who ever sang this song from Celine Dion to Cartman from South Park. I am not a religious person ( no really?!) but this song just gets to me. I can any day, any time of year put this song on and it always does one of 2 things to me- makes me cry- like sob- down from the pit of my stomach bawl or gives me an overwhelming sense of calmness and peace. It's that one part especially that gets to me- that some can sing with such power and conviction it sends chills through me- "Fall on your knees... hear the angel voices...." fuck I love that part.
Tonight, it makes me cry. Tonight, I think about how so many Christmas' past have been filled with such sorrow and hurt- and wonder if this year somehow it will be different and if I can live up to my expectations of it all- tonight I wonder what lurks around the corner for me because surely something will happen to unravel me again. Surely I will find myself broken, and crumpled in a ball on the kitchen floor crying from the depths of my stomach and feeling that ache in my heart just like so many Christmas' before. It always makes me wonder why I love Christmas so much- so many terrible things have happened at Christmas- enough to turn ya off completely - but I have hope that one day it will be my magic Christmas- we'll see...
Anyway- I better get back to work. Tomorrow is another day and the days go by so quickly- how the hell is almost the end of November already anyway ? WTF?
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
POOR ME
Yes.. I'll say it- poor me I feel sorry for me.. there ya go- I do and I don't care who thinks what about it...
Pickle has now come down with the stomach flu on top of still having chicken pox- been cleaning up puke all day.. lovely...
MY husband is an asshole- ok.. that is no different from any other day but still- had to point it out.. he got pissed off at me because I didn't have dinner ready when he got home.. he worked all day don't ya know and I sat here and did nothing .... whatever- asshole...
It is my birthday. I have 2 parents still alive- and 2 brothers and 2 sisters- out of my whole family- my sister called to wish me a happy birthday.. ONE sister ---the rest of my family couldn't be bothered I guess... and yet- now get this- my best friend from over 25 years ago- whom I have seen once in about 17 years sent me a bouquet of flowers- granted I hate flowers- but still, she took the time to send me a bouquet of flowers on my birthday-isn't that just the sweetest.... my family sucks ass... except you Moe......
Pickle has now come down with the stomach flu on top of still having chicken pox- been cleaning up puke all day.. lovely...
MY husband is an asshole- ok.. that is no different from any other day but still- had to point it out.. he got pissed off at me because I didn't have dinner ready when he got home.. he worked all day don't ya know and I sat here and did nothing .... whatever- asshole...
It is my birthday. I have 2 parents still alive- and 2 brothers and 2 sisters- out of my whole family- my sister called to wish me a happy birthday.. ONE sister ---the rest of my family couldn't be bothered I guess... and yet- now get this- my best friend from over 25 years ago- whom I have seen once in about 17 years sent me a bouquet of flowers- granted I hate flowers- but still, she took the time to send me a bouquet of flowers on my birthday-isn't that just the sweetest.... my family sucks ass... except you Moe......
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
MOTHER ON THE EDGE
Where to begin....
This past 6 days have been hell for me- Halloween came, and we were all so excited- and then Curly was not feeling well at school that day- came home and felt worse... fell asleep, and missed Halloween- woke up at 9 p.m. crying that he had missed it- and so I bundled up that little Captain America and we went in search for houses still giving out candy- he managed to get to 4 of them- my heart broke... the next morning Curly was covered in Chicken Pox- 2 days later Pickle came down with them and by far- it was the worst I had ever seen- the pox were so big and she was so sick- she would lie and shake and cry- it was awful... so I have spent that past 6 days bathing 2 pox ridden children twice a day in oatmeal baths, applying anti-itch cream, making soup and patting heads and amusing bored little chicken pox covered children. Curly is a champ though- he is the best patient- he didn't feel badly other than the first day but Pickle, my god was she sick- and the pox were everywhere- between her fingers and toes, even in her cacooch and she cried- "ma, I can't take it anymore!" just awful! And even when Curly had them in his mouth and then they spread inside his eye and I had to rush him into the Dr's to get special drops- he was still a champ about it- he's amazing. So it is winding down now- Curly may be well enough for school by Thursday I am thinking but Pickle- no way not until at least Monday- she is still covered but feeling much much better- and all this while Little Man never got it- he still may of course- because I would love to go through this again in 2 weeks- but so far nothing and he is so good about it- he has to get up every morning and go to school while the other 2 are still snug in their beds- I have a neighbour taking him to and from school because I obviously can't. It's been very rough- exhausting- and of course i have had no help- what else is new huh? So it's been tough...
Tomorrow is my birthday and I will be 36 years old.. the past few days I have felt like 66- maybe this is the year for me- last year at this time CC was still away fucking his girlfriend and partying it up while I was here alone... I don't know what I want anymore- but i know it isn't him and of course that has been my feeling for quite some time now- maybe this year of my life I will finally have the balls to do something about it...
This past 6 days have been hell for me- Halloween came, and we were all so excited- and then Curly was not feeling well at school that day- came home and felt worse... fell asleep, and missed Halloween- woke up at 9 p.m. crying that he had missed it- and so I bundled up that little Captain America and we went in search for houses still giving out candy- he managed to get to 4 of them- my heart broke... the next morning Curly was covered in Chicken Pox- 2 days later Pickle came down with them and by far- it was the worst I had ever seen- the pox were so big and she was so sick- she would lie and shake and cry- it was awful... so I have spent that past 6 days bathing 2 pox ridden children twice a day in oatmeal baths, applying anti-itch cream, making soup and patting heads and amusing bored little chicken pox covered children. Curly is a champ though- he is the best patient- he didn't feel badly other than the first day but Pickle, my god was she sick- and the pox were everywhere- between her fingers and toes, even in her cacooch and she cried- "ma, I can't take it anymore!" just awful! And even when Curly had them in his mouth and then they spread inside his eye and I had to rush him into the Dr's to get special drops- he was still a champ about it- he's amazing. So it is winding down now- Curly may be well enough for school by Thursday I am thinking but Pickle- no way not until at least Monday- she is still covered but feeling much much better- and all this while Little Man never got it- he still may of course- because I would love to go through this again in 2 weeks- but so far nothing and he is so good about it- he has to get up every morning and go to school while the other 2 are still snug in their beds- I have a neighbour taking him to and from school because I obviously can't. It's been very rough- exhausting- and of course i have had no help- what else is new huh? So it's been tough...
Tomorrow is my birthday and I will be 36 years old.. the past few days I have felt like 66- maybe this is the year for me- last year at this time CC was still away fucking his girlfriend and partying it up while I was here alone... I don't know what I want anymore- but i know it isn't him and of course that has been my feeling for quite some time now- maybe this year of my life I will finally have the balls to do something about it...
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds
So... yes, it has been a while hasn't it ? Sorry- Life has become unexpectedly busy- this is supposed to be my quiet time- the kids are in school all day every day and yet I am finding it harder to get things done around the house -I just have so much to do all the time running here and there doing this and that- I guess I have 5 years of errands to make up for I don't know, it's strange. Mondays- the boys having skating lessons, Tuesday is Pickle's ballet, and Thursday they are all in swimming class. I find though, that we have been hibernating over the weekends- literally- if there is not a plan set - we rent movies and video games and just stay in all weekend- I must say though, I like it- as much as they drive me nuts- I love having them home on the weekends. It's the least lonely part of my week.
SO let's get started then...
I will begin with an explanation of the title of this post- Last week- Tuesday, I quit smoking. I didn't even really build up to it- didn't prepare for it, didn't cut down first or anything. Just decided (after having a lingering nagging gross cough for 2 weeks prior mind you ) that it was time and considering I had the free patches sitting on my dining room tab;e for the past 5 months and they were due to expire that it was time- Just fricken do it you know. So I did- I put the patch on Monday night actually before bed- people had told me that they got wicked nightmares from wearing it at night- so I was prepared- but that didn't happen- Monday night I could not sleep at all. I was wired! So, at 4 a.m. I decided to take the patch off and reapply when I got up. So I woke up, and even though I usually have a smoke before I do anything else, I didn't feel like one- so I quickly put another patch on and went about my morning had my coffee, did everything else like I normally do- except for smoking. I did catch myself going for the door every now and again out of pure habit of course- But I did well- I think I had a drag literally once throughout the day more so I think because I felt lost without it almost- but that was about it- and then again I took it off at night. So the next could of nights- I fell asleep downstairs on the couch so I didn't end up taking the patch off at all and let me tell you what- no nightmares, but the weirdest freakiest dreams I have ever had- I won't even get into it- but it was all so twisted and bizarre that it felt like, well, it felt like I was high having those fucken up stoner dreams- very cool- and the casts of characters in them- my god- people I hadn't thought about in years- people I would never talk to if you paid me- just weirdness- but I like it- Oh yes, I do and so I shall continue patching at night.. I like it- I like it a- lot!! So there ya go, I am a week into it and doing fine- I do have a drag here or there every now and again- but other than that I am doing very well! It is much easier than I thought it would be but then again I am not what you would call a non-smoker yet- so I better save that comment for when I am... so far so good. And for those of you wondering- no, I do not feel any better, my taste buds are no more ramped then they were and I can't smell any better yet- I don't think anyway- but my cough is gone and that is good enough for me right now...
I am worried about Pickle. During her kindergarten years Pickle was the queen of kindergarten- everyone loved her, they would call from their little gated area when they saw us walking down the street= the girls would fight over who sat next to her- And then there was Hunter- Hunter and Pickle were 2 peas in a pod- 2 little princesses - just adored each other- they were inseparable. Hunter moved away over the summer- far away- and even though Pickle is not shy- and is still as bubbly as ever- Pickle has yet to bond with any of the girls in her class- there are only 4 girls- yes 4 of them in the whole class and the other 3 were all in the same class last year so Pickle is kinda the outsider but even still she has no trouble making friends and getting in there you know- but for some reason she hasn't. I asked her if they were being mean to her or anything and she says no- but she always just plays with her brothers and her "husband" who is not in their class at recess and at lunch- she never plays with any girls. I worry- I don't want her to be alone- or feel left out and I don't know if she actually is feeling that way ( I seriously doubt it) but is it normal for her to be just playing with boys? She is such a girly girl yo know- it surprises me- and I am scared for her- maybe I am being over protective and worried about nothing... I hope so-
CC has been working a lot- I mean a lot- he doesn't usually get home until 9 or 10 at night. Most of the time I don't care- really- but I must admit- I am terribly lonely- and I miss Shell.....
I don't know if it has anything to do with not smoking- but I have been over the to emotional for the past week- like I think I have cried every day this week- maybe it is my body grieving for cigarettes (ha!) maybe its the loneliness, maybe it is the worry I feel for Pickle and the other 2 on a daily basis - ( I worry constantly- always, about everything- what if what if what if... ) I don;t know what the hell it is- am I depressed? I don;t know- I just know that anything and every thing has made me cry this week- oh... see.. I am getting veclempt just writing about it... ok enough of that ....
Anyway I know there is a million other things I wanted to write about tonight but I am terribly tired, so I will sign off for now and try to get back here tomorrow to finish the update _ I must tell you all about some of the misadventures we have had at school- already... sigh.. Speaking of- their first school trip is this Friday- to a farm to pick a pumpkin, have a wagon ride etc- and of course I am going !! Damn right- no one is taking my babies on a bus to a farm where I cannot spy on them! Nope, still haven't cut the cord!! And you can't make me!! HA!
SO let's get started then...
I will begin with an explanation of the title of this post- Last week- Tuesday, I quit smoking. I didn't even really build up to it- didn't prepare for it, didn't cut down first or anything. Just decided (after having a lingering nagging gross cough for 2 weeks prior mind you ) that it was time and considering I had the free patches sitting on my dining room tab;e for the past 5 months and they were due to expire that it was time- Just fricken do it you know. So I did- I put the patch on Monday night actually before bed- people had told me that they got wicked nightmares from wearing it at night- so I was prepared- but that didn't happen- Monday night I could not sleep at all. I was wired! So, at 4 a.m. I decided to take the patch off and reapply when I got up. So I woke up, and even though I usually have a smoke before I do anything else, I didn't feel like one- so I quickly put another patch on and went about my morning had my coffee, did everything else like I normally do- except for smoking. I did catch myself going for the door every now and again out of pure habit of course- But I did well- I think I had a drag literally once throughout the day more so I think because I felt lost without it almost- but that was about it- and then again I took it off at night. So the next could of nights- I fell asleep downstairs on the couch so I didn't end up taking the patch off at all and let me tell you what- no nightmares, but the weirdest freakiest dreams I have ever had- I won't even get into it- but it was all so twisted and bizarre that it felt like, well, it felt like I was high having those fucken up stoner dreams- very cool- and the casts of characters in them- my god- people I hadn't thought about in years- people I would never talk to if you paid me- just weirdness- but I like it- Oh yes, I do and so I shall continue patching at night.. I like it- I like it a- lot!! So there ya go, I am a week into it and doing fine- I do have a drag here or there every now and again- but other than that I am doing very well! It is much easier than I thought it would be but then again I am not what you would call a non-smoker yet- so I better save that comment for when I am... so far so good. And for those of you wondering- no, I do not feel any better, my taste buds are no more ramped then they were and I can't smell any better yet- I don't think anyway- but my cough is gone and that is good enough for me right now...
I am worried about Pickle. During her kindergarten years Pickle was the queen of kindergarten- everyone loved her, they would call from their little gated area when they saw us walking down the street= the girls would fight over who sat next to her- And then there was Hunter- Hunter and Pickle were 2 peas in a pod- 2 little princesses - just adored each other- they were inseparable. Hunter moved away over the summer- far away- and even though Pickle is not shy- and is still as bubbly as ever- Pickle has yet to bond with any of the girls in her class- there are only 4 girls- yes 4 of them in the whole class and the other 3 were all in the same class last year so Pickle is kinda the outsider but even still she has no trouble making friends and getting in there you know- but for some reason she hasn't. I asked her if they were being mean to her or anything and she says no- but she always just plays with her brothers and her "husband" who is not in their class at recess and at lunch- she never plays with any girls. I worry- I don't want her to be alone- or feel left out and I don't know if she actually is feeling that way ( I seriously doubt it) but is it normal for her to be just playing with boys? She is such a girly girl yo know- it surprises me- and I am scared for her- maybe I am being over protective and worried about nothing... I hope so-
CC has been working a lot- I mean a lot- he doesn't usually get home until 9 or 10 at night. Most of the time I don't care- really- but I must admit- I am terribly lonely- and I miss Shell.....
I don't know if it has anything to do with not smoking- but I have been over the to emotional for the past week- like I think I have cried every day this week- maybe it is my body grieving for cigarettes (ha!) maybe its the loneliness, maybe it is the worry I feel for Pickle and the other 2 on a daily basis - ( I worry constantly- always, about everything- what if what if what if... ) I don;t know what the hell it is- am I depressed? I don;t know- I just know that anything and every thing has made me cry this week- oh... see.. I am getting veclempt just writing about it... ok enough of that ....
Anyway I know there is a million other things I wanted to write about tonight but I am terribly tired, so I will sign off for now and try to get back here tomorrow to finish the update _ I must tell you all about some of the misadventures we have had at school- already... sigh.. Speaking of- their first school trip is this Friday- to a farm to pick a pumpkin, have a wagon ride etc- and of course I am going !! Damn right- no one is taking my babies on a bus to a farm where I cannot spy on them! Nope, still haven't cut the cord!! And you can't make me!! HA!
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
THE WELCOME MAT
So this is not intended to be a pity party or a poor me post- just my way of venting even though I should be venting to the very person I am pissed at..
So I have become, or shall I say, I remain, the family doormat- walk all over me please! And make sure and wipe your feet real good too whilst you step on me- just to rub it all in a bit more. I am being and have been and suppose forever will be, taken advantage of by certain members of my family. Other than my sister, no one ever calls me for any reason at all- even birthdays- unless they need something whether it be legal advice (5 years ago BB -before babies-, I was a legal secretary and everyone still seems to think that not only do I keep up with all the changing laws and procedures, but that in fact I am an actual lawyer) or babysitting- which is what my beef is about today. Oh just call Jenna- she doesn't have anything to do all day- she'll babysit- and like a schmuk- I say yes- every fucken time even when I don't want to. BB I used to babysit my niece up to 3 times a week. At the time I was desperate for a baby- and loved nothing more than being with her- but once mine came along- needless to say I had no time or any more hands to babysit other people's kids, yet the requests still came and still come.. Like I don't have enough on my plate!!! How selfish are some people! When my babies were little- and even now I might add- I never got any help from anyone- ever! I didn't get any relatives coming over to help out or to give me a break - not once did they ever call and ask me if I needed a hand with laundry or cooking or god forbid watching a baby for me - I had 3 !!! Anyway I don't want to bring up old shit because that is long past- and they all deserted me when I needed them most and I can say with head held high that I did it alone and I did it well- but any way here again I get a call from one of my relatives asking me to babysit tomorrow-not one, not 2 but 3 of them- so now I will have 6 kids under the age of 7 tomorrow!! Oh but wait- it gets better: Niece #3 who is 1 year old will be here at 8:40- at 8:45 I have to bring my kids to school- so off I go with all 4 of them. At 10:50 I have to take Niece #3 to pick up Niece #2. At 11:40 I take Niece # 2 & 3 to pick up my 3 for lunch- at 12:40 I take Niece # 2 & 3 to bring my kids back to school. At 3:05 I take Niece 2 & 3 to pick up Niece #1 and at 3:35 I take Niece 1, 2 & 3 to pick up my 3 from school.....WTF!!!!!! So there you go- what a fucken idiot I am - no one will do it for me but I am expected to do for everyone else- it sucks so badly- my family are a bunch of selfish people... and one day- oh yes one day very soon- they will be sorry in one way or another- it'll all come back on them ! Ok I know I sound like a little 10 year old right now but i don't care- you'll be sorry! you'll all be sorry you used me and treated me like shit! You'll see!! You will all see!!!! (ok picture me on the floor kicking and screaming because that is exactly what I feel like doing right now!!) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I have become, or shall I say, I remain, the family doormat- walk all over me please! And make sure and wipe your feet real good too whilst you step on me- just to rub it all in a bit more. I am being and have been and suppose forever will be, taken advantage of by certain members of my family. Other than my sister, no one ever calls me for any reason at all- even birthdays- unless they need something whether it be legal advice (5 years ago BB -before babies-, I was a legal secretary and everyone still seems to think that not only do I keep up with all the changing laws and procedures, but that in fact I am an actual lawyer) or babysitting- which is what my beef is about today. Oh just call Jenna- she doesn't have anything to do all day- she'll babysit- and like a schmuk- I say yes- every fucken time even when I don't want to. BB I used to babysit my niece up to 3 times a week. At the time I was desperate for a baby- and loved nothing more than being with her- but once mine came along- needless to say I had no time or any more hands to babysit other people's kids, yet the requests still came and still come.. Like I don't have enough on my plate!!! How selfish are some people! When my babies were little- and even now I might add- I never got any help from anyone- ever! I didn't get any relatives coming over to help out or to give me a break - not once did they ever call and ask me if I needed a hand with laundry or cooking or god forbid watching a baby for me - I had 3 !!! Anyway I don't want to bring up old shit because that is long past- and they all deserted me when I needed them most and I can say with head held high that I did it alone and I did it well- but any way here again I get a call from one of my relatives asking me to babysit tomorrow-not one, not 2 but 3 of them- so now I will have 6 kids under the age of 7 tomorrow!! Oh but wait- it gets better: Niece #3 who is 1 year old will be here at 8:40- at 8:45 I have to bring my kids to school- so off I go with all 4 of them. At 10:50 I have to take Niece #3 to pick up Niece #2. At 11:40 I take Niece # 2 & 3 to pick up my 3 for lunch- at 12:40 I take Niece # 2 & 3 to bring my kids back to school. At 3:05 I take Niece 2 & 3 to pick up Niece #1 and at 3:35 I take Niece 1, 2 & 3 to pick up my 3 from school.....WTF!!!!!! So there you go- what a fucken idiot I am - no one will do it for me but I am expected to do for everyone else- it sucks so badly- my family are a bunch of selfish people... and one day- oh yes one day very soon- they will be sorry in one way or another- it'll all come back on them ! Ok I know I sound like a little 10 year old right now but i don't care- you'll be sorry! you'll all be sorry you used me and treated me like shit! You'll see!! You will all see!!!! (ok picture me on the floor kicking and screaming because that is exactly what I feel like doing right now!!) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, September 23, 2007
INCREDIBLE LITTLE YOU
OK I know my kids are smart- and I know all parents think their kids are smart- but get a load of what Little Man said to me just now... it just absolutely amazes me how their minds work- they are so amazing to me...
So for some reason Little Man asks me about who "invented" animals- he asked me that if there were no people yet- where did the first animals come from? And of course I could go into the whole God thing but do we really know that to be true? Could there not be another explanation for it that I could tell him that makes sense and that wouldn't impose on religion in any way? So I paused and instead I just said- you know what, I am not sure, maybe we should investigate and look it up and see what answers we can find... so then he says " I know ma- maybe the sky laid an egg and it fell on the ground and that was the first animal! And I said, you know what? Maybe you are right!
Now isn't it incredible- that a 5 year old little boy could have such deep thoughts about such things- he is right about animals being here first- and well, hey- if there were no people around to "invent them"- how the hell did they get here anyway! I dunno- I just think that was pretty damn clever of a little one to think such things.. my kids RULE!!!!
So for some reason Little Man asks me about who "invented" animals- he asked me that if there were no people yet- where did the first animals come from? And of course I could go into the whole God thing but do we really know that to be true? Could there not be another explanation for it that I could tell him that makes sense and that wouldn't impose on religion in any way? So I paused and instead I just said- you know what, I am not sure, maybe we should investigate and look it up and see what answers we can find... so then he says " I know ma- maybe the sky laid an egg and it fell on the ground and that was the first animal! And I said, you know what? Maybe you are right!
Now isn't it incredible- that a 5 year old little boy could have such deep thoughts about such things- he is right about animals being here first- and well, hey- if there were no people around to "invent them"- how the hell did they get here anyway! I dunno- I just think that was pretty damn clever of a little one to think such things.. my kids RULE!!!!
Sunday, September 09, 2007
Sunday, September 02, 2007
THE WORLD ACCORDING TO PICKLE
So, we are on our way to the mall today to do some back to school shopping and I stupidly say to Pickle "Is that a zit on your chin?" Well she immediately looks in the mirror and starts her usual drama. A zit? A Zit! I don't want a zit! How could this happen? Will it ever go away? Does it look awful? What am I going to do? And on and on... So, not being able to take anymore, I say "Actually, you know what hun, it looks more like a little bug bite" To which Pickle replies (get ready for this): "Actually mom, it looks more like a 3rd nipple!" WTF????!!! I laughed all the way to the mall...... she fucken kills me...
Saturday, September 01, 2007
I WANT TO GO BACK!!!!
So a while back I was going on about FACEBOOK and how much I loved it- well, still do- People are finding me from like kindergarten it's just wild! So anyway a few friends from high school started talking about getting together for a reunion and I thought- ah, maybe I will go- but never thinking it would follow through- cause you know people make plans and other people agree to be a part of it and it never ends up happening. But anyway this time it did- about a week ago and I actually went. Now I wasn't popular in school- I wouldn't say- not one of those snobby girls or anything- I had my niche of friends and was quite happy that way- people new who I was by the way I dressed and stuff but I didn't associate with a lot of them by choice- not my cup of tea ya know.. anyway so I was hesitant abut going- didn't want to be judged by people or compared or anything- but I was pissed at CC for one and felt the need to be out amongst people you now- so I went. And let me tell you I am so glad I did- I had the best time. I didn't drink a lick of anything- (I think I was the only one there who wasn't drinking) and I saw so many people I hadn't seen in years- it was great- It really took me back- I loved school- yeah I hated the teachers and the homework and getting up every morning to go- but I really loved being at school around friends - that was my only escape from all the bullshit at home when I was younger- school was my out you know- like my way to forget about home and my mother and all the fucken crap- even when we lived in a trailer (oh yes did that for a long time) and I would have to leave at 5 a.m. just to get to school- I went every fucken day so I didn't have to be there. I wish I had an out like that again- ya think they would let me back in high school? I really miss it and I really miss alot of people from that time and hopefully now that we have all reconnected, we can get together and spend some time catching up.. it was awesome... 
THE OTHER WEDDING
So, before the meth-head, trailer trash, brutal wedding, there was another wedding I have yet to tell you about. My daughter was married August 12, 2007- Oh yes, my little Pickle has wed. Her "boyfriend" Who has been in their class every year and who lives up the street and whom all my children just adore and vice versa called and decided that enough was enough- he and Pickle must marry! So what else could I do? I sent my only girl off to wed. I made a wedding video but can't seem to upload it here with this new video feature (sucks) I'll continue trying but in the meantime, I will put some pictures here for you to see- it was just precious- of course it only last about 45 seconds because the novelty wore off, but it was cute as hell!! 
REWIND>>>>>
Ok so I know I have yet to blog about the wedding and well, anything else that has happened in the last 2 weeks so here it goes...
Bottom line, I got a dress, which I didn't get to try on because they were locking the doors so I took a chance and bought it anyway and got one like 2 sizes too big and even though it was kinda cute, the way the dress is cut- and the size of my enormous jugs, I think I looked pregnant, like it was like a maternity dress or something... anyway at that point I didn't care. So off we went, got to the hotel and changed and shit and listened to the MIL go on about this and that as usual. The ceremony was short and odd, I thought, but whatever- then we quickly went back to the hotel and MIL had a costume change (like what are you?A celebrity? You have to wear a different outfit at the reception? How vain!) anyway then before the reception started we went to CC's aunt and uncles (the parents of the bride) Now these people have some serious cash man- they have like 15 horses, stables, acres and acres of land- the whole bit- just gorgeous. I think though, they are the type of people who have money but have no money you know? Anyway it was nice, and I interacted with all of his relatives and stuff, but the talk was all about how much this costs and that was this much and OHHH I HATE that- I think it is rude anyway to talk about such things- but they just do it I guess to show off- So we took some family pictures and stuff, ate some whorederves and was even served by a handsome strapping young man at the "bar" so then off we go to the reception and I was slightly confused when I walked in - It looked like a school gym- honestly, down to the basketball outlines on the floor- I was shocked- I expected to enter a palace for christ sakes with the way they went on.. Anyway whatever- so we get seated with some other cousins- seemed cool at first - and I tried to have a good attitude and go with the flow- so I started drinking.. I got about 4 into me which is a lot for me (out of plastic beer cups to boot don't ya know- tacky!) and then they announce that dinner will be served soon and that the bar will be closed during dinner- that's cool I can handle that- but then they say- After dinner, the bar will reopen as a CASH BAR!!! Ok I know it is expensive for booze at a wedding- I know mine was but first of all if you are going to have a cash bar- then you have to warn people ahead of time- there was a scattering of people flooding out onto the streets looking for bank machines- ridiculous... Secondly- if you are going to brag about how much money this was and how you special ordered this from this country and flaunt your horses and mansion for everyone too see- you don't then have a cash bar at your daughter's wedding- Sorry- you just don't - brutal!! So they put wine on the tables-( which I do not drink) and we all waited for dinner- and waited and waited- by the time dinner was over- it had been 3 hours since the bar was closed and I was beyond drinking at that point. CC on the other had was not- along with the beers before dinner and the rye and gingers, he and another guy at our table polished off 3 full bottles of wine during dinner and then I found out he also went out and smoked a joint with one of his trailer trash cousins- (note: remember earlier I had said I thought they were cool "AT FIRST") So anyway I went out at one point and smoked one too- ok when I say smoked by the way, I don't mean I smoked a whole joint- I had a drag, and for me, that does it- I had a drag and I am good to go. As the evening progressed, things got worse, CC was hammered and talkative- annoyingly talkative- but it wasn't with me so I guess it shouldn't matter but he gets like annoying- where you can tell the person he is talking to is trying to be polite and listen but they really don't want to be there anymore and he just keeps talking- ugg I hate that- so he's off talking to relatives, trapping people and I am sure repeating himself a million times which he also always does. At this point, I have been "trapped" by one of his aunt's at least a dozen times when I had gone out for a smoke- at first I didn't mind- she was and is the black sheep of the family- a drug addict, always the one in trouble, not a tooth in her head looser etc etc- so apparently this is the first family function she had been invited to in years because no one wants anything to do with her- she had been clean for a while- and maybe that is why she was invited this time, but man alive- she sure wasn't clean that night- At first I could tell she had a lot to drink- whatever- get it in ya - but then as the night wore on I could see it was much more than that- typical Meth-head characteristics for sure- what a fucken freak. She was literally making me gag just to look at her- and she found me wherever I was- smoking, the bathroom, anywhere! And she was just like CC in that she repeated herself constantly and would not let me leave! I was so uncomfortable, and she was making me sick and every time someone came out for a smoke whether I knew them or not I looked at them with those eyes- you know the "CAN YOU HELP ME PLEASE" eyes- and no one did- especially not CC- he is the worst "date" ever- I know he hadn't seen some of these people in years and years and he was drunk- but never thought to see where I was or what I was doing or if I was ok or anything- but that is CC what do you expect- so anyway meth head kept touching me and hugging me and holding onto me and I couldn't talk- no no- she wouldn't let me finish a sentence- if I excused myself to go the bathroom she followed and waited outside my stall- she cried on me and started telling me stuff I don't want to know about- I don't care- and I just felt dirty, I wanted to go and take a shower every time I finally got away from her- And she would say things like " I love hugging you because I love the smell of your hair" Or asking me to lift up my dress a bit so she could look at my legs and shit like that- just dirty druggie nasty comments, I hated it-. So soon it became apparent that CC was hammered beyond anything else... it was just after midnight and he started asking me if we could leave- well thank god... I went and got his dad and got him to drive us back to the hotel- So on our way to the car- his 2 cousins, the ones who we sat with, trapped us in the parking lot and it was just vile. They were both pissed drunk and started hugging CC and taking his wallet and phone and just like all over him and I was like hello people COUSINS- you nastys! It just bothers me when people get like that- like simma down na- you are fucken related and you are like groping him and shit- and then of course CC was loving it- anything for attention from women cousins or not I guess- so we finally get out of there and get back to the hotel and we (or at least I ) was starving so I ordered a pizza- CC passed out within seconds of course and I ended up staying up for 2 more hours waiting for the fucken pizza to come and then they fucked up my order and forgot half of it and I had to wait up another hour for the rest of it so i didn't get to sleep until after 3 a.m. I was tuckered. The next morning we went back to the aunt's house for "brunch" which was nice actually and we stayed for a few hours. Oh, did I mention that at the wedding his uncle hit on me? Oh yes, talk about awkward- his married 50 some odd year old uncle asked me to dance, he is like well over 6 foot tall and I am well, not and so anyway we were dancing and small talking and then we go back to the table wherein he has his hand on my thigh and telling me how beautiful I am and how we really really need to spend more time together and get to know each other more.... ewwwwwwwwww..... and again.. no one saved me... so the moral of this story is- just when you think your family is bad- take an intimate look at someone elses' !! It was ok thought- more or less, I just enjoyed being out you know- but I hope no one else in his family is getting married anytime soon.....
Bottom line, I got a dress, which I didn't get to try on because they were locking the doors so I took a chance and bought it anyway and got one like 2 sizes too big and even though it was kinda cute, the way the dress is cut- and the size of my enormous jugs, I think I looked pregnant, like it was like a maternity dress or something... anyway at that point I didn't care. So off we went, got to the hotel and changed and shit and listened to the MIL go on about this and that as usual. The ceremony was short and odd, I thought, but whatever- then we quickly went back to the hotel and MIL had a costume change (like what are you?A celebrity? You have to wear a different outfit at the reception? How vain!) anyway then before the reception started we went to CC's aunt and uncles (the parents of the bride) Now these people have some serious cash man- they have like 15 horses, stables, acres and acres of land- the whole bit- just gorgeous. I think though, they are the type of people who have money but have no money you know? Anyway it was nice, and I interacted with all of his relatives and stuff, but the talk was all about how much this costs and that was this much and OHHH I HATE that- I think it is rude anyway to talk about such things- but they just do it I guess to show off- So we took some family pictures and stuff, ate some whorederves and was even served by a handsome strapping young man at the "bar" so then off we go to the reception and I was slightly confused when I walked in - It looked like a school gym- honestly, down to the basketball outlines on the floor- I was shocked- I expected to enter a palace for christ sakes with the way they went on.. Anyway whatever- so we get seated with some other cousins- seemed cool at first - and I tried to have a good attitude and go with the flow- so I started drinking.. I got about 4 into me which is a lot for me (out of plastic beer cups to boot don't ya know- tacky!) and then they announce that dinner will be served soon and that the bar will be closed during dinner- that's cool I can handle that- but then they say- After dinner, the bar will reopen as a CASH BAR!!! Ok I know it is expensive for booze at a wedding- I know mine was but first of all if you are going to have a cash bar- then you have to warn people ahead of time- there was a scattering of people flooding out onto the streets looking for bank machines- ridiculous... Secondly- if you are going to brag about how much money this was and how you special ordered this from this country and flaunt your horses and mansion for everyone too see- you don't then have a cash bar at your daughter's wedding- Sorry- you just don't - brutal!! So they put wine on the tables-( which I do not drink) and we all waited for dinner- and waited and waited- by the time dinner was over- it had been 3 hours since the bar was closed and I was beyond drinking at that point. CC on the other had was not- along with the beers before dinner and the rye and gingers, he and another guy at our table polished off 3 full bottles of wine during dinner and then I found out he also went out and smoked a joint with one of his trailer trash cousins- (note: remember earlier I had said I thought they were cool "AT FIRST") So anyway I went out at one point and smoked one too- ok when I say smoked by the way, I don't mean I smoked a whole joint- I had a drag, and for me, that does it- I had a drag and I am good to go. As the evening progressed, things got worse, CC was hammered and talkative- annoyingly talkative- but it wasn't with me so I guess it shouldn't matter but he gets like annoying- where you can tell the person he is talking to is trying to be polite and listen but they really don't want to be there anymore and he just keeps talking- ugg I hate that- so he's off talking to relatives, trapping people and I am sure repeating himself a million times which he also always does. At this point, I have been "trapped" by one of his aunt's at least a dozen times when I had gone out for a smoke- at first I didn't mind- she was and is the black sheep of the family- a drug addict, always the one in trouble, not a tooth in her head looser etc etc- so apparently this is the first family function she had been invited to in years because no one wants anything to do with her- she had been clean for a while- and maybe that is why she was invited this time, but man alive- she sure wasn't clean that night- At first I could tell she had a lot to drink- whatever- get it in ya - but then as the night wore on I could see it was much more than that- typical Meth-head characteristics for sure- what a fucken freak. She was literally making me gag just to look at her- and she found me wherever I was- smoking, the bathroom, anywhere! And she was just like CC in that she repeated herself constantly and would not let me leave! I was so uncomfortable, and she was making me sick and every time someone came out for a smoke whether I knew them or not I looked at them with those eyes- you know the "CAN YOU HELP ME PLEASE" eyes- and no one did- especially not CC- he is the worst "date" ever- I know he hadn't seen some of these people in years and years and he was drunk- but never thought to see where I was or what I was doing or if I was ok or anything- but that is CC what do you expect- so anyway meth head kept touching me and hugging me and holding onto me and I couldn't talk- no no- she wouldn't let me finish a sentence- if I excused myself to go the bathroom she followed and waited outside my stall- she cried on me and started telling me stuff I don't want to know about- I don't care- and I just felt dirty, I wanted to go and take a shower every time I finally got away from her- And she would say things like " I love hugging you because I love the smell of your hair" Or asking me to lift up my dress a bit so she could look at my legs and shit like that- just dirty druggie nasty comments, I hated it-. So soon it became apparent that CC was hammered beyond anything else... it was just after midnight and he started asking me if we could leave- well thank god... I went and got his dad and got him to drive us back to the hotel- So on our way to the car- his 2 cousins, the ones who we sat with, trapped us in the parking lot and it was just vile. They were both pissed drunk and started hugging CC and taking his wallet and phone and just like all over him and I was like hello people COUSINS- you nastys! It just bothers me when people get like that- like simma down na- you are fucken related and you are like groping him and shit- and then of course CC was loving it- anything for attention from women cousins or not I guess- so we finally get out of there and get back to the hotel and we (or at least I ) was starving so I ordered a pizza- CC passed out within seconds of course and I ended up staying up for 2 more hours waiting for the fucken pizza to come and then they fucked up my order and forgot half of it and I had to wait up another hour for the rest of it so i didn't get to sleep until after 3 a.m. I was tuckered. The next morning we went back to the aunt's house for "brunch" which was nice actually and we stayed for a few hours. Oh, did I mention that at the wedding his uncle hit on me? Oh yes, talk about awkward- his married 50 some odd year old uncle asked me to dance, he is like well over 6 foot tall and I am well, not and so anyway we were dancing and small talking and then we go back to the table wherein he has his hand on my thigh and telling me how beautiful I am and how we really really need to spend more time together and get to know each other more.... ewwwwwwwwww..... and again.. no one saved me... so the moral of this story is- just when you think your family is bad- take an intimate look at someone elses' !! It was ok thought- more or less, I just enjoyed being out you know- but I hope no one else in his family is getting married anytime soon.....
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
Is it just me or does anyone else have the same attitudes about going back to school? It's kinda like new years all over again. I remember when I was in school I was like ok this year I am going to keep my notebooks neat and not write all over my binders and do all my homework and do really well-it was like a chance to start over- like people get at New Years you know- So here I am almost 20 years since I have been out of school and I feel like it is "New Years" again- I am making all these plans - quit smoking (no, still haven't done that) loose weight, (nope, that never happened either) exercise (what the hell is exercise again?) SO HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!! Time for some major changes. . . . .
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Question/Secret/Sadness
Have you ever been in a situation wherein you have been a part of some one's life for more than half of yours- and look at them one day and think- holy fuck- I don't even know you?! I find myself in this "predicament" and it is awful unsettling. Like I look at this person and think- who the fuck are you? I know nothing about you- everything I thought I knew about you is a lie or is something that I made myself believe to combat the reality of a given situation.. it's fucken wild, and sad, and stupid... all at once...
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Insomniacs ramblings....
It's almost 3.m.- another night that I can't sleep. This is getting out of control. I am actually crying right now - like seriously. Yo know why I can't sleep tonight? Well, on Saturday, I am going to a wedding out of town, CC's cousin. And the other day the kids went for a play day at their friend's and I spent 3 hours in a store trying on dresses - trying to find one that didn't make me look fat or short or fat, and I finally thought I found one and then tonight I tried it on again, with heels, and it turns out it looks awful on me and I don't know what possessed me to buy it in the first place because I am not like that- I will not buy any thing just for the sake of it- not unless I really like it- but here I am - 3 days until the wedding, nothing to where and no opportunity to go out and try again. And the fact is that I hate dresses- I fucken hate them and the only ting I hate more than shopping for dresses is shopping for bathing suits and so anyone who knows me knows that I must hate it an awful lot. And so while I was trying to sleep, all I kept thinking about is how I was going to manage taking the 3 little ones with me to the mall tomorrow to find a dress without them running and hiding in racks or chasing each other up and down isles. And I already know that tomorrow night we have to go to find a suit for CC because he tried his on tonight and they don't fit- HA! At least I am not the only one, but still- we will all go, and I will pick them out for him and keep the kids occupied whilst he tries them on and then he will be good to go and I will be shafted as usual. And then I was thinking about the fact that I will be so incredibly tired tomorrow that I will be mean to them and it's not their fault, and the summer is almost over and I have not done anything with them - nothing meaningful, nothing that they can go to school in September and say Oh we did this over the summer- or whatever- worry worry worry.. that's all I seem to do now and it is literally taking over- I am always worried about something. I spent about 2 hours on the net tonight trying to define my body type and figure out the best style of dress to wear, the right color, the right shoes accessories etc- and why? Why the hell do I care about these people who I have met maybe twice in my life and that most I cannot stand anyway - why the hell do I care what they think of me and how I am dressed... that is so like the MIL.... sickening...
Sunday, August 12, 2007
It's Almost Over
So the summer is so quickly coming to an end and I am not ready!!! Everyone keeps telling me "oh how nice it will be when the kids are back to school all day every day" well I don't think it will be so nice. I am not looking forward to it at all- not one bit- if I had it my way I would never have sent them to Jr Kindergarten 2 years ago and waited an extra year to put them in school- they are to young to go all day- they aren't ready- ok, ok I am not ready- and yes the time I will have will be nice- but that novelty will wear off very quickly I am sure- and then what will I be? What will I do? I am so scared for them- what if they have a mean teacher? What if there are mean kids in the class- what if they are hungry? No more snack time - they have to go out for recess in the big yard and their school goes up to grade 8!!! I am worried sick and scared to death for them and for myself... I am a mother- that is what I do- what will I do without them all day?? I will not cut the cord- I will not cut the cord- AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!!!
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE
Ok, I know I am delayed in this review.. but I never get to watch movies and god forbid CC should take me to a movie or that we have anyone to watch the kids while we go anyway- BUT ANYWAY I finally saw Little Miss Sunshine last night (after staying up til 3 a.m. to watch it) and I would just like to say that I fucken loved this movie- and I am officially putting it on my favourite movies of all time list- what a great movie- just great- if you haven't seen it yet- do so...
That is all....
That is all....
SECRET
I let my kids stay up as late as they want so I am not alone. Even though CC is not away, and my kids are with me all the time, I feel incredibly lonely all the time....
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
THE WORLD ACCORDING TO PICKLE
Classic example of how "gay" (am I the only person left in the world that uses that term?- not that there is anything wrong with it... ha) my daughter is....
I don't remember exactly what the conversation was but I was doing something CC should have been doing (ohh surprise surprise) and Pickle says to me
"Why doesn't Daddy do it?"
So I say:
"Because daddy works all day and he is tired when he gets home" (yeah yeah isn't he a fucken hero- oops did I say that out loud? !)
and then Pickle says ... wait for the gayness now....
"ohh that's right, he has to work to make money for our family (cue patriotic music now) and for our country."
HA! For our country? WTF??!!! I just about choked....
I don't remember exactly what the conversation was but I was doing something CC should have been doing (ohh surprise surprise) and Pickle says to me
"Why doesn't Daddy do it?"
So I say:
"Because daddy works all day and he is tired when he gets home" (yeah yeah isn't he a fucken hero- oops did I say that out loud? !)
and then Pickle says ... wait for the gayness now....
"ohh that's right, he has to work to make money for our family (cue patriotic music now) and for our country."
HA! For our country? WTF??!!! I just about choked....
NEW "SEGMENT"
OK, got something else I can most definitely post about often and it will never be the same... seeing as though my children are so damn funny- oh yes they are- and well, OK annoying too- and seeing as though they "say the darnedest things" I have decided to add a new segment entitled : THE WORLD ACCORDING TO..... and I will fill in the appropriate name obviously - I'll just give brief little stories about cute shit they have said or whatever and yeah OK- I know it is much like what I do normally anyway- but I have decided to give it it's own segment- so sue me.... stay tuned...
NOT GONNA DO IT
I will not send you a happy birthday message... I will not send you a happy birthday message.. I will not send you a happy birthday message.... even though I have done every single year no matter if we were in contact or not- for the last 21 years.. this year I will not send you a happy birthday message and I will not feel bad about it... I will not. There is only a half hour left in this day- Jenna you have made it this far- 30 minutes ... 29.........
Sunday, July 22, 2007
MOVING ON WITH LIFE
Ok so I know you all want to know more about JGG and how he is, I have talked about it so much the past few days I almost don't want to anymore but I will give a brief update:
He is still in intensive care but doing much much better today- S went to see him finally and she and I both are glad that she did. He is starting to come around - not talking all that shit like how he should have done it this way or why didn't it work or things like that- he seems, I am told a bit embarrassed and ashamed and has stated he just wants to feel happy again and is willing to do what it takes to get that feeling back again. He is being transferred to the psych ward tomorrow- and is not happy about it- but let's hope something clicks with him and he starts to see the sunshine again...
So... before the storm hit, I was telling you all about the camp out at S's we had (well the kids really) so I wanted to post some pics from that night... it's sad you know, but because this has all hit S and her family so hard, it has taken over their lives and will do so for quite some time. I feel for the kids- all of them because their summer now is going to be known as "the summer when..." instead of having all those fun memories to look back on.. we had such plans for the rest of the summer- not big- just outings and things here and there-0 but those little things are the very things that memories are made of.. I just hope EVERYONE can move on with this and not let all of this consume them.. as we all know- life is too short for that shit...
GRATEFUL
After everything that has been going on the past few days with my friend (more of which I will get into later) I thought I should take a moment and share what I am grateful for- right now, today...
I am grateful for my babies- and all the joy that they bring to me every day.
I am grateful that even though we are still going through some tough financial times, we have managed to stay afloat and are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel (even though we had a set back with CC's car- it ended up costing $3,200- pretty much double the amount we were initially told)
I am grateful for my friends- especially S for being such an inspiration to me.
I am grateful that I am not stupid enough to fall for the tricks that people can pull on you- you know when someone pretends to like you or be interested in things you have to say when all the while there is an ulterior motive and when that motive is not realized, you are tossed aside like a piece of trash. I am grateful that my true, real friends offer advice and support when I need it instead of running away from it or pretending that they don't know I am in pain or in need of a hug or a phone call or just a friendly word. I am grateful that my true friends would never do things like that to me -
I am grateful that I am not as naive as I used to be.
I am grateful that I was able to get past the things that haunted me as a child- I am grateful I no longer hold the anger within me that I used to towards my parents. I am grateful that I can be a better person than what they set me up to be- and even though everything was stacked against me in every way possible- I got over that wall and moved on and can be proud of who I am today and never had to do anything stupid or illegal or hurt anyone to get where I am.
So there ya go.. that is all I have right now.. It's been a long day..
I am grateful for my babies- and all the joy that they bring to me every day.
I am grateful that even though we are still going through some tough financial times, we have managed to stay afloat and are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel (even though we had a set back with CC's car- it ended up costing $3,200- pretty much double the amount we were initially told)
I am grateful for my friends- especially S for being such an inspiration to me.
I am grateful that I am not stupid enough to fall for the tricks that people can pull on you- you know when someone pretends to like you or be interested in things you have to say when all the while there is an ulterior motive and when that motive is not realized, you are tossed aside like a piece of trash. I am grateful that my true, real friends offer advice and support when I need it instead of running away from it or pretending that they don't know I am in pain or in need of a hug or a phone call or just a friendly word. I am grateful that my true friends would never do things like that to me -
I am grateful that I am not as naive as I used to be.
I am grateful that I was able to get past the things that haunted me as a child- I am grateful I no longer hold the anger within me that I used to towards my parents. I am grateful that I can be a better person than what they set me up to be- and even though everything was stacked against me in every way possible- I got over that wall and moved on and can be proud of who I am today and never had to do anything stupid or illegal or hurt anyone to get where I am.
So there ya go.. that is all I have right now.. It's been a long day..
Friday, July 20, 2007
SUICIDE CHUMP
Ok my title today is brutal and maybe even mean but what I have to tell you is no joke and I am very angry right now- sad too yes, and scared-but mostly angry.. On Wednesday night, the 3 little pigs and I went to S's for a "campout" we (well the kids, not us) had a tent up in the back yard, and roasted marshmallows, made smores, hotdogs, the works. S and I even had a couple of drinks togather which we never do- it was a great night. Her daughter slept in the tent with 2 of the 3 little pigs, Curly chickend out without chickening out you know- excuse after excuse, anyway he slept in the house. So, the next morning, we all get up, have a lovely pancake breakfast and the kids had a swim, just took it easy.. I decided to get the kids home relatively early, though the kids wanted to stay, I just felt the need to leave- we were all tired... anyway the kids and I left- probably about noon or close to it- and just hung around at home the rest of the day.. at about 4 or so , S text messaged me about a show she had been watching and for some reason I didn't immediately reply which I normally would have. Instead I waited until about 5:30- 6:00 and then wrote something funny back to her. Literally seconds later she phoned me and I could hear it in her voice- something was terribly wrong..
Here's a little "legend" of names so you can follow the story a bit closer as it goes along...
S- is my very best friend in the whole world- we have known eachother for over 22 years
JGG- Aka Jolly green giant-(he's like 6 foot 2)- my friend who I briefly dated as a teenager- we all hung around together - and have known him as long as I have known S
Party Girl- is S's younger sister- who also hung around all of us throughout the years she ended up marrying JGG and they have been together for about 15 years
So... the story is as follows- now of course I have only gathered all of this information over tens of phone calls and text messages over the past day or so- the evnts I am describing happend Thursday...
We leave S's house, about an hour later, JGG brings over his youngest son for S to babysit while he goes to work- normal occurance- she usually has one or the other or both of Party Girl and JGG's kids while they are off to work. Jgg tells S he has to go to work early for a meeting as he got in trouble for something- and S doesn't think anything of it and goes on with her day. The other son is brought to S & Party Girls' mother & fathers - also a normal occurance. Before any of this trnaspires, Jgg goes to the dr's and gets a prescription for an antidepressant- something he has started taking recently- he has been trying to stop smoking weed and hash and found it very stressful ( I don't get that) but anyway - whatever gets you through- so we know that- we know he went and got a refill on his prescription... after dropping off the kids- we now know that this is what transpired-to the best of everyone's knowledge. Jgg leaves S's house and goes to the liquor and beer store... he goes home, downs a bottle of vodka and 8 beers..he takes a bottle of asprin and the bottle of anti-depressants... he calls into work sick- and the person who took the call thought he wasn't making sense and sounded drunk- he apparently was making comments like "I'm checking out" and things of that nature. The person who took the call hangs up with JGG and calls 911. Jgg tries to make it into his bedroom where he has garbages bags, bungy cords and an art project his oldest son made him. He never makes it there- he passes out, hits the floor face first. Broke his nose, and though it is still uncertain at this point, his hip is most likely broken as well. An undetermined amount of time after he took everything, the police arrive and are unable to get an answer at the door. They try to bust the door down and can't because something is blocking it. The end up breaking out a window, and finding him face down in a pool of blood. They don't know if he had shot himself or what- but have vitals so they get an ambulance there and he is rushed to the hospital. They find a suicide note and the computer is on with pages up about how to kill yourself. All the windows and doors are baracaded with wood and other things to ensure no one would get in or at least have a hard time of it.. Party girl is called as she is on her way home to tell her to go to the hospital. She was about to go and pick up the 2 boys and GO HOME- she calls S of course and tells her all she knows which at that point was nothing- she didn't know if he was dead or alive.. I can't even imagine. S and I kept in contact all night long-he was alive.. and had a breathing tube in- he could not for some unknown reason breath on his own.. it finally came out early this morning. The suicide note did not give any clues as to why other than generalities such as "torment" he had been suffering for 20 years- he started out his note by apologizing for them having to find him like that so he intentionally wanted his wife and 2 small children to find him dead- BULLSHIT. Now, I know JGG had a fucked up childhood- we all did- I had about as fucked up one as you can have and other than regualr teenage blues, never considered shit like that nor did I let my shitty childhood and the things that happend to me stay with me for my whole life.. I fucken moved on ok- so this fucken guy- (I say that like I dont know him from Jack- but I am so mad..) does this shit when he knows his wife and kids are coming home and will find him. Your fucken babies.. I dont understand, I don't understand.. if you wanted to do something like this- go to a hotel room, go somewhere else, not in your home, not where your babies sleep... he is apparently, in a lot of pain right now, still groggy and in and out. It took a long time for him to come to- they still don't know the extent of his injuries because he is too unstable to take him to xray. Party Girl says he mainly just lies there and says nothing, and that it seems pretty apparent that he is disappointed that he was "saved". He only remembers drinking and drinking and blocking the doors off and nothing after. He is not apologetic, and seems terribly sad.. I want to feel bad for him, and I suppose I do in a way but I am so mad- so fucken mad that he would do something this extreme instead of reaching out- running away even, talking- anything! No one had any indication at all that he was capable of this sort of thing - I would never have guessed in a million years- never never never- not him- he was never down or sad he was always the one making us laugh and fooling around.. I dont get it - I don't understand. I can say without doubt he is obviously mnetally ill in whatever way- you have to be to pull shit like that- no question- and we do know there is a family history of this-his father who was a fucked up individual would pull this sort of thing every few years and they would get a call and go rushing off - but his were always (or at least they seemed to be) very half-hearted attempts- but this was so caluculated- and but for that person from his work being smart enough to call 911 - he would without a doubt be dead whether he got that bag on his head or not... and I just don't understand- what is so bad? What cannot be fixed? Party Girl and her mom went back to the house sometime in the middle fo the night. She said the "history" on the computer showed as far back as 5 weeks of him going onto websites about suicide and different methods. I was with him not 3 weeks ago and we had a great time - you would never have known he was thinking about anything remotely close to that- never never never. Poor Party Girl she is so fucked up she doesn't know what to do- what happens when he is released? She will be afraid to leave him alone ever and what is she going to be thinking everytime she walks through that door? He will not be left alone with the kids ever- like what the fuck?? I have this horrible feeling this isn't the end of this- I can feel in my heart that he will find a way and he will do it-we have to get him help and figure out what the fuck is going on in his mind and try to help him.. this is just crazy.. so there you have it... fucken bullshit stupidity... my heart aches... I just don't understand...
Here's a little "legend" of names so you can follow the story a bit closer as it goes along...
S- is my very best friend in the whole world- we have known eachother for over 22 years
JGG- Aka Jolly green giant-(he's like 6 foot 2)- my friend who I briefly dated as a teenager- we all hung around together - and have known him as long as I have known S
Party Girl- is S's younger sister- who also hung around all of us throughout the years she ended up marrying JGG and they have been together for about 15 years
So... the story is as follows- now of course I have only gathered all of this information over tens of phone calls and text messages over the past day or so- the evnts I am describing happend Thursday...
We leave S's house, about an hour later, JGG brings over his youngest son for S to babysit while he goes to work- normal occurance- she usually has one or the other or both of Party Girl and JGG's kids while they are off to work. Jgg tells S he has to go to work early for a meeting as he got in trouble for something- and S doesn't think anything of it and goes on with her day. The other son is brought to S & Party Girls' mother & fathers - also a normal occurance. Before any of this trnaspires, Jgg goes to the dr's and gets a prescription for an antidepressant- something he has started taking recently- he has been trying to stop smoking weed and hash and found it very stressful ( I don't get that) but anyway - whatever gets you through- so we know that- we know he went and got a refill on his prescription... after dropping off the kids- we now know that this is what transpired-to the best of everyone's knowledge. Jgg leaves S's house and goes to the liquor and beer store... he goes home, downs a bottle of vodka and 8 beers..he takes a bottle of asprin and the bottle of anti-depressants... he calls into work sick- and the person who took the call thought he wasn't making sense and sounded drunk- he apparently was making comments like "I'm checking out" and things of that nature. The person who took the call hangs up with JGG and calls 911. Jgg tries to make it into his bedroom where he has garbages bags, bungy cords and an art project his oldest son made him. He never makes it there- he passes out, hits the floor face first. Broke his nose, and though it is still uncertain at this point, his hip is most likely broken as well. An undetermined amount of time after he took everything, the police arrive and are unable to get an answer at the door. They try to bust the door down and can't because something is blocking it. The end up breaking out a window, and finding him face down in a pool of blood. They don't know if he had shot himself or what- but have vitals so they get an ambulance there and he is rushed to the hospital. They find a suicide note and the computer is on with pages up about how to kill yourself. All the windows and doors are baracaded with wood and other things to ensure no one would get in or at least have a hard time of it.. Party girl is called as she is on her way home to tell her to go to the hospital. She was about to go and pick up the 2 boys and GO HOME- she calls S of course and tells her all she knows which at that point was nothing- she didn't know if he was dead or alive.. I can't even imagine. S and I kept in contact all night long-he was alive.. and had a breathing tube in- he could not for some unknown reason breath on his own.. it finally came out early this morning. The suicide note did not give any clues as to why other than generalities such as "torment" he had been suffering for 20 years- he started out his note by apologizing for them having to find him like that so he intentionally wanted his wife and 2 small children to find him dead- BULLSHIT. Now, I know JGG had a fucked up childhood- we all did- I had about as fucked up one as you can have and other than regualr teenage blues, never considered shit like that nor did I let my shitty childhood and the things that happend to me stay with me for my whole life.. I fucken moved on ok- so this fucken guy- (I say that like I dont know him from Jack- but I am so mad..) does this shit when he knows his wife and kids are coming home and will find him. Your fucken babies.. I dont understand, I don't understand.. if you wanted to do something like this- go to a hotel room, go somewhere else, not in your home, not where your babies sleep... he is apparently, in a lot of pain right now, still groggy and in and out. It took a long time for him to come to- they still don't know the extent of his injuries because he is too unstable to take him to xray. Party Girl says he mainly just lies there and says nothing, and that it seems pretty apparent that he is disappointed that he was "saved". He only remembers drinking and drinking and blocking the doors off and nothing after. He is not apologetic, and seems terribly sad.. I want to feel bad for him, and I suppose I do in a way but I am so mad- so fucken mad that he would do something this extreme instead of reaching out- running away even, talking- anything! No one had any indication at all that he was capable of this sort of thing - I would never have guessed in a million years- never never never- not him- he was never down or sad he was always the one making us laugh and fooling around.. I dont get it - I don't understand. I can say without doubt he is obviously mnetally ill in whatever way- you have to be to pull shit like that- no question- and we do know there is a family history of this-his father who was a fucked up individual would pull this sort of thing every few years and they would get a call and go rushing off - but his were always (or at least they seemed to be) very half-hearted attempts- but this was so caluculated- and but for that person from his work being smart enough to call 911 - he would without a doubt be dead whether he got that bag on his head or not... and I just don't understand- what is so bad? What cannot be fixed? Party Girl and her mom went back to the house sometime in the middle fo the night. She said the "history" on the computer showed as far back as 5 weeks of him going onto websites about suicide and different methods. I was with him not 3 weeks ago and we had a great time - you would never have known he was thinking about anything remotely close to that- never never never. Poor Party Girl she is so fucked up she doesn't know what to do- what happens when he is released? She will be afraid to leave him alone ever and what is she going to be thinking everytime she walks through that door? He will not be left alone with the kids ever- like what the fuck?? I have this horrible feeling this isn't the end of this- I can feel in my heart that he will find a way and he will do it-we have to get him help and figure out what the fuck is going on in his mind and try to help him.. this is just crazy.. so there you have it... fucken bullshit stupidity... my heart aches... I just don't understand...
Monday, July 16, 2007
I MAY AS WELL RENT A ROOM THERE...
So what Sunday would not be complete without a trip to the local hospital- that seems to be a constant with me lately- this time I am happy to say, it was not serious.. So Saturday little Pickle was feeling sniffly and ended up, as she always does when she is not feeling well, have a nappy noodle. So she slept and slept until about 10 at night and then awoke, still stuffy, but hungry and of course wide awake. Now because I am a night owl, I was up with her until at least 3 a.m. I got her dinner, gave her a dose of Advil or Tylenol or something like that and went to bed... at 10 the next morning, I get a tap on my shoulder, and no it wasn't the ghost, but little Pickle. She said nothing and when I turned around I saw her face and jumped right out of bed. Even CC jumped up- her eye was swollen, and I mean swollen right shut- What happened? I asked her- she didn't know- she had not a clue but it didn't hurt and it didn't itch... bizarre. So I got up and got dressed, and dressed her- and off we went to the walk-in clinic.. Of course there was the regular drama- "But that was my best eye"! "Am I going to die?" "Will I have to get my eye cut off?" "What if it never goes away" "I look awful!" and on and on... When we saw the Dr. he looked overly concerned. I thought for sure he would tell me it was a bug bite (although we hadn't even left the house on Saturday) or something was in her eye- or it was allergies or from her cold or something.. but he kept humming and hawing.. looking and looking again.. So then he tells me he thinks it would be a good idea if we went to the hospital. So I am like What?? What do you mean? So basically, because there was no evidence of a bite- he suspected that it was something more serious called " periorbital cellulitis" or something like that that can really fuck you up- something about it sending signals to the brain or that it blocks signals to the brain or something- really weird.. so anyway it is quite serious apparently and he sent us to the hospital for further evaluation..So we go to the hospital and now Pickle is getting even more dramatic.. she tries to convince me- now get this- that the reason that her eye is puffy is because she was trying so hard to sniff up her boogies that they went to her eye!! The night before she was incredibly frustrated because she couldn't breathe through her nose- she tried to sniff I mean she tried so heard her eyes were bulging out and I convinced her sniffing wouldn't help and that she had to blow instead- so she thought that when she could finally sniff, she sniffed all the boogies into her eye making it puffy! Hilarious!?? Yes! But, pretty smart too I think.. I mean I know it couldn't happen- but her thought process is just incredible... anyway the Dr. finally sees her and determines no, it is not that freaky eye thing and that regardless of what it is, it should be gone in 24 hours... No antibiotics, no nothing.. and we go home.. and sure enough today it is about 90% better with very little evidence of the swelling at all- Her best eye is saved!!! I'll post a pick her of her eye - this is after the swelling went down enough that she could see out of it- and she was very happy as you can see.. ohhh.. my life is so interesting isn't it?? Geeezzz.....
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
THE GHOST AND MRS. CHICKEN
So, did I tell you that I have a ghost in my house? Oh yes, I think I do- and can I tell you that if there is one more incident that I will not be one of those stupid white people that stays to find out who or what the fuck it is? Oh no, not me... So here's the situation.. a few years ago, my friend died- the Christmas after her death some weird shit started happening- like every time I walked into a room this particular Christmas ornament would go off and start playing a tune. Ok so some could say I walked too close to it or whatever- NOT- it was only me- only when I walked into a room did this happen. Thereafter, when all my Christmas stuff was packed away in the basement before it was finished, the same ornament would go off every time I went down there to do laundry... ok weird.. but I put it off to just that- weirdness.... So over the past couple of months a stupid toy Becca has, has been doing the same thing- only me- if anyone else is down here it doesn't do it- but when I am alone down here- especially late at night- it goes off every time- it's pretty freaky shit.. So about 3 nights ago was the kicker for me that something is amiss. So I am lying in bed- and kinda awake and asleep- you know how you can sleep but still be aware of everything that is going on?Anyway minutes before "the incident", Curly came into my room and said he couldn't sleep so I led him back to bed and lied back down and closed my eyes... I started to drift, but again was aware of everything around me- waiting for Curly to come back in I guess. So anyway I am lying there trying to sleep and I feel someone or something (dun dun daaaaa) hold onto my arm... so I roll over and expect to see Curly standing there- but no- there is no one.. so I was like WTF.. but figured I was drifting into a deep sleep and just ignored it... so I roll back over and like 2 seconds later the same thing- someone is holding onto my arm- and my hair on my arm- only one arm- starts sticking up and I get goose bumps- ONLY ON MY ONE ARM!!!! Do you hear me people ??!!! There is a fucken ghost or some shit like that in my house and it likes my ARM!!!! I could puke- so of course I couldn't go back to sleep and I had the heebie jeebies - it was just awful... So there you have it- if one more thing happens, I am moving into the Howard Johnson's- fuck this shit....
Friday, July 06, 2007
FUN IN THE SUN
So... I have actually had a pretty good week- other than Monday, when CC's car's transmission fell out when he was in bumfuck Idaho golfing and it cost over $200 to get it towed back here and now we need to pay out to fix it... But other than that I have had a really nice 5 days- Sunday went to S's for Canada Day and we had a great time- then Tuesday we all went with my sis and her fam to Ontario Place for the day and it was amazing- it was so dead- we actually though it was closed at first. No line ups for anything- which with 3, 5 year olds is a blessing because you know how impatient they can be.. so yeah it was a really great day and everyone had a blast. The yesterday I went up to S's again to meet up with one of our friends that we used to hang around with 20 years ago- we hadn't seen him in years and years and he was infamous for taking pictures constantly so he brought tons of pics and we sat there all afternoon looking at old pics and laughing and reminiscing.. it was nice. So now today- I clean- and clean some more- and then Sunday I have to go to the MIL's cause it's her birthday- sigh... anyway so far the summer has been not too shabby- the key is keeping them busy busy busy... let's hope we don't have a repeat of last year or I will surely go nuts....
Monday, July 02, 2007
THE GRADUATE(s)
A couple of days after Curly's surgery- it was graduation day. The triplets graduated from Kindergarten and it was the cutest thing ever.. I'm going to try to upload the movie I made about that day...
THE LONG AND WINDING ROAD
Ok sorry all.. been lacking in my blogging once again and I see my last entry was before Curly's surgery and I have much to catch up on.. sorry to leave you all hanging..
Let's start with the surgery.. It was by far the hardest day for me as a mother, other than leaving all the babies at the hospital when they were born, not being able to take them home right away.. Anyway- we had to wake the poor soul up early- very early and be at the hospital at the crack of dawn. We waited in the Pead unit first and then about an hour later we were sent to wait in the surgery waiting area.. I could see Curly was a bit nervous, but I think mostly tired. He was so small looking, in his little hospital gown and all, and my stomach ached the whole time we sat there. So soon, it was his turn to go in. I couldn't go through the doors with him or wait til they put him under- they took him in a little wagon and as they walked away Curly turned back to look at me and I could see he was on the verge of tears.. I was beside myself. The surgeon told us not to go to the regular waiting area because the procedure would only be about 15 minutes so just to wait there and he would come right back out.. So fine, we sat and sat and sat some more.. I must of looked at that clock about every 30 seconds. At one point, I saw people coming in and out of the operating room he was in and I knew something was up, I felt it in my heart. We kept justifying how long it was taking by saying, oh maybe they didn't get started right away or maybe he wouldn't fall asleep- but I knew something else was up.. I started pacing, and I am sure annoying everyone there, and finally, after about an hour and 10 minutes out comes the surgeon and instead of coming up to us and talking, he motions for us to come into this office- my heart sank. So he starts out by telling us that he is ok "now" and then proceeds to tell us that they had complications and that after they did the procedure and started to sew him up, that the beeding wouldn't stop. They first tried to remove all the stitches and then try again and still it wouldn't stop. He was very concerned. He said of all the literally hundreds upon hundreds of procedures he has done like this, he has never ever seen anyone bleed so much and for so long. He said that it was about 5 minutes away from being extremely serious and that we had better get someone to check him out because he suspects he has some kind of blood disorder and that no one should beeld that much from what they did. I was horrified- my poor baby! So they then took him to recovery- and I had to go wait in another area for them to call me into the room. After about 10 mintes they did and the nurse was leading me down the hall and I could hear him crying. I stated runnning and the nurse is calling after me and I just ignored her and was running in and out of rooms trying to find the right one.. And there he was my poor little lamb- just beside himself and crying and shaking and scared and in a tremendous amount of pain. I ran to the bed and told him I was here and he just grabbed me around the neck and wouldn't let go and he was telling me "make it stop ma, make it stop" They told me that they had just given him morphine and it hadn't kicked in yet plus waking up from anesthesia is like brutal for kids so he was out of it too and confused and cold and the whole bit. So we lifted him off the bed and I sat in a rocker and we put warm blankets on him and he cried and hung on tight.. It was the worst thing ever- I felt so bad for him yet could do nothing. It was awful. So this went on for about an hour. And then I guess once the medicine really kicked in he settled a bit and we were able to bring him up to the Pead's unit for the rest of the recovery time. The doctor had since told us we would have to stay longer so they could watch him more in case he started bleeding again. So they put me in a wheelchair and he sat on me and they wheeled us up. Once we got into the room CC was allowed in and he was actually really good with him- it's weird to see him so compassionate and loving and that with them because it is so rare I guess- anyway we made him comfortable and put a movie on and got him juice and then the nurse told us besides the usual waiting time, we wouldn't be allowed to leave with him until he peed. I knew this was going to be an issue. They left the IV in as well to pump up his fluids and he didn't know that it was a needle or there would have been tears I tell you. Anyway after a while CC convinced him to try to pee- so off we go to the washroom, the first couple of time we carried him and pushed the IV cart but after that he walked. The poor baby- he was so afraid to go pee.. he knew it was going to hurt but even the nurse said it was better to get him to go now while the drugs were still in his system because the pain may not be as bad. So he tried, and he cried, and there was blood- but not a lot- it was just torture for me- there was nothing I could do to help him.. not a thing... Anyway after about 7 or 8 times to the washroom he finally peed a little and it hurt oh yes, it hurt the poor baby but he did it and soon after we were allowed to go home. when we got home I had to go right away and get him some pain killers and special cream so CC and his dad stayed home and I went with the MIL. Uggggg she drives me nuts.. Anyway, get back and have to pick up the other 2 from school- the whole class had made Curly get better cards and Little Man says to Curly "You are famous! look at all the mail you got!" The reunion was quite endearing- and of course the drama just spilled out of Pickle... " is he going to be ok? Is he bleeding? Does it hurt? Will he die?" and on and on... So we set him up in his room- videos and video games and he seemed quite comfortable for the most part- but when it was time to pee- that was another story.. it was awful, grueling.. terribly sad because it hurt him so much and he knew it was going to - and he would hold it as long as he could- but eventually he would have to and it was just heart breaking. CC when he was home would go in with him and was really good about it- one night I hear Curly saying to CC: "Dad, I wish you could change penis' with me. " Just heart breaking.. Anyway we had some scary moments after we got home like the fact that his pee was coming out harder and thicker yes, but like a sprinkler- seriously- for a week I would go into the washroom with him and put a toilet paper roll over it so it wouldn't spray all over the walls or him every time he peed. So it was a tough couple of weeks- I am happy to report that as of right now today- it looks so much better and he is peeing, for the most part straight with not much spray- I think that once the rest of the stitches dissolve, that will solve that problem. He is quite happy though that for the first time in his life he can "pee like a racehorse".
Let's start with the surgery.. It was by far the hardest day for me as a mother, other than leaving all the babies at the hospital when they were born, not being able to take them home right away.. Anyway- we had to wake the poor soul up early- very early and be at the hospital at the crack of dawn. We waited in the Pead unit first and then about an hour later we were sent to wait in the surgery waiting area.. I could see Curly was a bit nervous, but I think mostly tired. He was so small looking, in his little hospital gown and all, and my stomach ached the whole time we sat there. So soon, it was his turn to go in. I couldn't go through the doors with him or wait til they put him under- they took him in a little wagon and as they walked away Curly turned back to look at me and I could see he was on the verge of tears.. I was beside myself. The surgeon told us not to go to the regular waiting area because the procedure would only be about 15 minutes so just to wait there and he would come right back out.. So fine, we sat and sat and sat some more.. I must of looked at that clock about every 30 seconds. At one point, I saw people coming in and out of the operating room he was in and I knew something was up, I felt it in my heart. We kept justifying how long it was taking by saying, oh maybe they didn't get started right away or maybe he wouldn't fall asleep- but I knew something else was up.. I started pacing, and I am sure annoying everyone there, and finally, after about an hour and 10 minutes out comes the surgeon and instead of coming up to us and talking, he motions for us to come into this office- my heart sank. So he starts out by telling us that he is ok "now" and then proceeds to tell us that they had complications and that after they did the procedure and started to sew him up, that the beeding wouldn't stop. They first tried to remove all the stitches and then try again and still it wouldn't stop. He was very concerned. He said of all the literally hundreds upon hundreds of procedures he has done like this, he has never ever seen anyone bleed so much and for so long. He said that it was about 5 minutes away from being extremely serious and that we had better get someone to check him out because he suspects he has some kind of blood disorder and that no one should beeld that much from what they did. I was horrified- my poor baby! So they then took him to recovery- and I had to go wait in another area for them to call me into the room. After about 10 mintes they did and the nurse was leading me down the hall and I could hear him crying. I stated runnning and the nurse is calling after me and I just ignored her and was running in and out of rooms trying to find the right one.. And there he was my poor little lamb- just beside himself and crying and shaking and scared and in a tremendous amount of pain. I ran to the bed and told him I was here and he just grabbed me around the neck and wouldn't let go and he was telling me "make it stop ma, make it stop" They told me that they had just given him morphine and it hadn't kicked in yet plus waking up from anesthesia is like brutal for kids so he was out of it too and confused and cold and the whole bit. So we lifted him off the bed and I sat in a rocker and we put warm blankets on him and he cried and hung on tight.. It was the worst thing ever- I felt so bad for him yet could do nothing. It was awful. So this went on for about an hour. And then I guess once the medicine really kicked in he settled a bit and we were able to bring him up to the Pead's unit for the rest of the recovery time. The doctor had since told us we would have to stay longer so they could watch him more in case he started bleeding again. So they put me in a wheelchair and he sat on me and they wheeled us up. Once we got into the room CC was allowed in and he was actually really good with him- it's weird to see him so compassionate and loving and that with them because it is so rare I guess- anyway we made him comfortable and put a movie on and got him juice and then the nurse told us besides the usual waiting time, we wouldn't be allowed to leave with him until he peed. I knew this was going to be an issue. They left the IV in as well to pump up his fluids and he didn't know that it was a needle or there would have been tears I tell you. Anyway after a while CC convinced him to try to pee- so off we go to the washroom, the first couple of time we carried him and pushed the IV cart but after that he walked. The poor baby- he was so afraid to go pee.. he knew it was going to hurt but even the nurse said it was better to get him to go now while the drugs were still in his system because the pain may not be as bad. So he tried, and he cried, and there was blood- but not a lot- it was just torture for me- there was nothing I could do to help him.. not a thing... Anyway after about 7 or 8 times to the washroom he finally peed a little and it hurt oh yes, it hurt the poor baby but he did it and soon after we were allowed to go home. when we got home I had to go right away and get him some pain killers and special cream so CC and his dad stayed home and I went with the MIL. Uggggg she drives me nuts.. Anyway, get back and have to pick up the other 2 from school- the whole class had made Curly get better cards and Little Man says to Curly "You are famous! look at all the mail you got!" The reunion was quite endearing- and of course the drama just spilled out of Pickle... " is he going to be ok? Is he bleeding? Does it hurt? Will he die?" and on and on... So we set him up in his room- videos and video games and he seemed quite comfortable for the most part- but when it was time to pee- that was another story.. it was awful, grueling.. terribly sad because it hurt him so much and he knew it was going to - and he would hold it as long as he could- but eventually he would have to and it was just heart breaking. CC when he was home would go in with him and was really good about it- one night I hear Curly saying to CC: "Dad, I wish you could change penis' with me. " Just heart breaking.. Anyway we had some scary moments after we got home like the fact that his pee was coming out harder and thicker yes, but like a sprinkler- seriously- for a week I would go into the washroom with him and put a toilet paper roll over it so it wouldn't spray all over the walls or him every time he peed. So it was a tough couple of weeks- I am happy to report that as of right now today- it looks so much better and he is peeing, for the most part straight with not much spray- I think that once the rest of the stitches dissolve, that will solve that problem. He is quite happy though that for the first time in his life he can "pee like a racehorse".
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
I NEED A VACATION....
So here it is the night before Curly's surgery- ok well, morning of.. its abut 1:00 a.m. by now and guess who's still awake?? Well, there's me- and Curly wouldn't ya know- he picks tonight of all nights to pull one of his night owl nights. Anyway the long and short of this week is CC was off since like Tuesday of last week because of the labourer's strike- they had to shut down because of unsanitary conditions or some shit like that so anyway I figured- you're off work- well then - you will fucken work here boy- none of this holding the couch down all week shit so, we re-did my bedroom - new floors, (which kicked our asses) paint, curtains, the works- and it has taken a good 5 days no make that more like 7- between getting everything out and getting rid of clothes and painting BLACK trim, and the floors which was a killer and everything- anyway it is done and it looks good.. in the meanwhile however- the rest of the house went to hell and now I suffer for it because the MIL is coming tomorrow at 6 a.m. to look after the other 2 and get them ready for school etc while we are at the hospital. So today I guess everything caught up with me and I wasn't feeling good at all- and so CC leaves work early to come home and "help" me tidy up for the inspector tomorrow- and even though he did change some switch plates and help me carry the dressers back in- the rest of the day he did fucken nothing- put his feet up and just fucken sat there whilst I did everything else- got everyone dinner, cleaned- ALL day (and still cleaning) did about 6 loads of laundry- got every one's stuff ready for tomorrow because the MIL is helpless; went out and rented some of Curly's favourite movies for when he gets home from hospital- cleaned some more- and then some more- bathed the children- got them into bed- and still, everyone else in this house just sat there and watched me do it- so at 10:30 when I started freaking out on CC- he asks me- what do you want me to do???? LOOK AROUND ASSHOLE!! So I end up telling him to go in and try and get Curly to sleep because he was still up- about 3 seconds later CC is sleeping and I thought Curly was too- but no- an hour later he comes down asking me to get CC out of his bed. So I wake up the lazy fucker- send him to bed and tell Curly to go lie in my bed- which he does- I figured for sure he would go to sleep- nope- he just came down a minute ago and asked me what I was up to... so I sent him crying (yes I am mean) back to his own room- you blew it buddy... so I thought I would take a break and write for a second. I have got at least another hour of cleaning to do - and then maybe I will be able to sleep too. I am incredibly nervous about tomorrow- I know he will be fine- but I am so scared for him. I don't want him to be in any pain... my poor little man....
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
How did you find me?
I have been hiding under this rock for so long
hoping
waiting
fading.
How did you know to look for me here?
I have not walked the regular paths-
I’ve veered in so many directions
I’ve traveled so far.
I was lost.
I was in need
of touch
and kindness.
How did you know?
How did you know just what to say?
To bring the smile back on my face that had been vacant.
How did you know to kiss me that way?
To touch me-
to hold me so tightly I could feel your chest beating onto mine?
How did you know I needed that?
Who sent you?
Who told you?
Who cares…
I have been hiding under this rock for so long
hoping
waiting
fading.
How did you know to look for me here?
I have not walked the regular paths-
I’ve veered in so many directions
I’ve traveled so far.
I was lost.
I was in need
of touch
and kindness.
How did you know?
How did you know just what to say?
To bring the smile back on my face that had been vacant.
How did you know to kiss me that way?
To touch me-
to hold me so tightly I could feel your chest beating onto mine?
How did you know I needed that?
Who sent you?
Who told you?
Who cares…
Monday, June 11, 2007
IT'S OFFICIAL- MY FRONT DOOR SMELLS LIKE FOOT
Ok, it's been a few hours since the paint has dried and now if you stand at the front door it still smells of foot.. Nice- welcome to my home- please enjoy the odor of foot whilst you wait for me to answer the door.... shame...
ARE FIRST IMPRESSIONS REALLY THAT IMPORTANT???
Ok so today, my little chickens had their first pizza-day at school so I had the whole day to myself- and I had plans- big plans... So first on my list was to paint my front door. We changed the hardware on the door months ago and you could see the outline of the old handle and shit- so anyway, years ago, I had mistakenly bought exterior paint - so I thought well, I will just use that right..... so first of all, I had to stir it for like an hour to get it mixed up after all its been 7 years... yes, 7 year old paint.. So I get started and realize quickly that the paint smells- I mean it reeks- and not just like that paint smell- an odd smell- a disturbing smell- like the smell of dirty feet.. oh yes that is what I got to smell all morning- dirty feet- great...So I go about my business.. painting- with a paint brush- bad idea- should have used a roller.. but anyway here I am painting so I have the front door open.. but my back is facing out- I am wearing hoochie mama shorts- you know like old short shorts so I don't ruin yet more clothing when painting.. and I am going to town painting...totally oblivious to everything around me.. Just then, as I am bent over- with hoochie mama shorts on, I hear "HELLO THERE!" I screamed, dropped the paintbrush and swung around too see a man standing at my fence staring at me. So I say, while still in shock "Jesus boy- you scared the shit out of me" and right after it left my mouth I shrank to about 2 inches tall... The hello was from my new neighbour (my old neighbours just moved out Friday) who I had not yet met.. and- now here's the kicker.. he is, um.. shall we say, a person of color and I said "JESUS BOY!" So just so we have this straight- I use the word boy as some would use dude I say it all the time.. but not usually to people of color or while wearing hoochie mama shorts or while talking to my new neighbours.. I apologized right away- he laughed and we introduced ourselves.. but fuck was I ever embarrassed..So I can just tell- MY NEW NEIGHBOURS JUST LOVE ME!!! HA!!
So anyway- being a looser like I am.. instead of just letting the children have their lunch at school and going about my day- I showed up at lunch to make sure they were all happy and eating- I KNOW- looser- cut the cord already! But they've never eaten at school before- I was worried.. I got in trouble by the teacher and quickly was sent home... and no.. I didn't not wear my hoochie mama shorts to school...
So anyway- being a looser like I am.. instead of just letting the children have their lunch at school and going about my day- I showed up at lunch to make sure they were all happy and eating- I KNOW- looser- cut the cord already! But they've never eaten at school before- I was worried.. I got in trouble by the teacher and quickly was sent home... and no.. I didn't not wear my hoochie mama shorts to school...
Thursday, June 07, 2007
BRINGING CHRISTMAS BACK BABY!!!
Ok did I tell you all that a few weeks ago I put up my gazebo on the deck there, just like every year and this year (well ok, just like every year too) I put Christmas lights up in it like on the "ceiling" of it. Ohh and it looks so lovely.. and it reminds me of Christmas! So there ya go.. the clock is gone, but the lights are back!!! And fuck anyone who has something to say about it... even if it does look tacky... so there!
CARNIVALS AND CAROUSELS
So tonight the in-laws came over with the intention to take the kids to the park etc and get them out of my hair for a while- and of course CC had more important things to do like GOLF- so I had a couple of hours to myself but sadly had nothing to do! Always the way huh? So anyway I ended up going over to this video game store and bought the boys a couple of new video games which are really for them- not for me.. no.. certainly not for me! So afterwards I went over to this shoe store and even though I HATE Shoe shopping which has got to be some kind of genetic abnormality, I got myself a new pair of shoes. Just like summer slip on runners you know- nothing fancy- So it just so happens while I am at said shoe store I look up and see before me a CARNIVAL!!! Yee ha! I love carnivals- I don't know what it is about them- I am not big on rides- like scary rides ( I used to be but that vanished very quickly the older I got) its just the whole feel of it- the atmosphere. Now, I know what you are thinking- and no- I did not ever nor will I ever wish to be a carnie- no no.. not me- but I just love being around the noise and the smell of popcorn and candy apples and the nice nice rides like the Ferris wheel and such- I don't like the games or anything- but anyway unimportant.. so there I sat- in the parking lot and just stared at the carnival and drank my Timmies coffee and smiled.. I remember when I was like 12 or 13 when my dad first came back into the picture, he took me to a carnival at Morningside Mall and he won me a Duran Duran mirror and even though I hated Duran Duran and still do, I pretended that I loved them because he had won it for me- I still have it too- that was a fun night... shame.. Anyway- that was the extent of my evening and now I am trapped in video game hell with my boys and it is almost 11 and I must get them off so they can go to bed... Good night to all.. I will be dreaming of the carnival and cotton candy and carousels....
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
FORGOT TO TELL YOU
So we went to the urologist (side note * the night before we went- I could hear Curly telling the other two that "when he went to the penis Dr....." so I interrupt him and told him that he wasn't exactly a penis Dr., he was called a UROLOGIST. So later on when again he was discussing the matter with the other two I hear him say "Ah, guys, tomorrow when I go to the ARCHAEOLOGIST, I won't have to go to school..." Archaeologist! Hilarious!)
Anyway off Curly and I go- and pretty much immediately he knew what the problem was. Basically, his little pee pee hole is virtually non-existent. It is so small and narrow the Dr. was amazed he was able to pee at all. So then he tells me this cannot be fixed with creams or medicines- surgery is the only way this can be remedied. So my heart sunk and I tried not to cry (this whole time of course my crotch is killing me as he was describing the procedure.) So yeah, he has to have surgery so they can pretty much cut him a new pee pee hole- my poor little man. So they wanted to know if I wanted to wait or get it done ASAP so of course I want it done immediately so then they tell me JUNE 20!! So it's like 2 weeks away- I don't know if I can be mentally prepared by then... ohhh my poor little lamb. He will be sore of course and will need stitches but it really isn't that big of a deal but of course surgery is surgery and he will be under so that is scary in itself.. I have told him that after this is all done he will be able to pee normally and he will feel so much better.. he seems fine with it but of course, he doesn't know any better... my heart aches..
Anyway off Curly and I go- and pretty much immediately he knew what the problem was. Basically, his little pee pee hole is virtually non-existent. It is so small and narrow the Dr. was amazed he was able to pee at all. So then he tells me this cannot be fixed with creams or medicines- surgery is the only way this can be remedied. So my heart sunk and I tried not to cry (this whole time of course my crotch is killing me as he was describing the procedure.) So yeah, he has to have surgery so they can pretty much cut him a new pee pee hole- my poor little man. So they wanted to know if I wanted to wait or get it done ASAP so of course I want it done immediately so then they tell me JUNE 20!! So it's like 2 weeks away- I don't know if I can be mentally prepared by then... ohhh my poor little lamb. He will be sore of course and will need stitches but it really isn't that big of a deal but of course surgery is surgery and he will be under so that is scary in itself.. I have told him that after this is all done he will be able to pee normally and he will feel so much better.. he seems fine with it but of course, he doesn't know any better... my heart aches..
BUSY BUSY DAY
So.. this morning I was off to the school because Pickle got an award at the assembly today- she had no idea she was getting one and it was cute as hell too see the look on her face when she got it - she was all jumping up and down and holding her "star". Of course, the boys were upset "how come she got one and we didn't?". It's hard for them sometimes to understand because I try to make sure everything is equal with them but that really isn't how life is- so I guess I have to stop that. Anyway after the long long assembly- got home, went and got my Timmies- (ohhh I needed that) and then sat for a minute before it was time to go back and get them for lunch. Got them home- made lunch- and then had to go back to the school because it was Scientist in the School day and I was volunteered to be a scientist. So there I am all afternoon being a scientist with all the little kiddies- it wasn't that bad though actually but for the little shits in their class getting on my nerves- there is like 2 of them that just irk me- anyway right after we rush home because I get the call that both Pickle and Little Man's glasses are ready so we scoot over there to pick them up and I will tell you what- Little Man looks fucken cute!! Anyway he has a semi fit because he doesn't like any of the cases they have there and then of course Curly is so upset because now both of them have glasses and he doesn't. So the Dr. pulls me aside and tells me they can sell me a pair with just glass in them so he can think he has real glasses too- SOLD... so there are the 3 of them looking at themselves in the mirror comparing- admiring- it was just precious.. so now I have all 3 of them in "glasses" and now we are off to the mall to find Little Man a new case so he doesn't have a fit for the rest of the night- boot around the mall- find one- race back home to get Pickle's dance outfit because now I realize how late it is. Drop the boy's off with CC race to ballet- we are late- get her changed- off she goes.. she's done- get home, every one's whining they are hungry- start making salad, potatoes, and get the BBQ going - make steak and burgers (yuk and yuk) everyone eats- I eat salad and potatoes.. sigh- and now I finally get a minute to myself although all I really want to do is go up and have a nice long bath.... I'm tired....
Sunday, June 03, 2007
LETTERS NEVER SENT 2
Dear ___________;
Hi you! I bet you never expected to hear from me again. Or maybe you did. Maybe all of this time you have been waiting for me to contact you or to call or write- and maybe you've wanted to also- so many times- but you were afraid of how I would react so you didn't. Or maybe, you haven't thought twice about it- maybe it never even crossed your mind. Maybe the things that you used to say reminded you of me don't anymore- maybe when you look up and see the moon you don't wonder if I am looking at it too- or maybe when you hear a Prince song- it is just another song to you- maybe it doesn't make you think of me anymore. As much as I have grown up in the past few years and realized you and I were not meant to be as much as we both thought we were or hoped we were- I still think about you a lot. I think about the fun we used to have. I could really sit and talk with you- for hours, about anything - and I never ran out of things to say. I still catch myself thinking Oh my God I have to call ______ and tell him about that. But I don't- and you don't either- and maybe it is better this way- but I do miss you terribly- and I wish things didn't go the way they did- I wish you didn't have to turn away- because there is so many things I have to tell you and I am sure a million more we should have laughed about. But that's ok- I have my box full of memories- and I guess I can always visit you through them- I hope you are well- and I hope that sometimes.. just every once in a while you think of me... just a little...
Hi you! I bet you never expected to hear from me again. Or maybe you did. Maybe all of this time you have been waiting for me to contact you or to call or write- and maybe you've wanted to also- so many times- but you were afraid of how I would react so you didn't. Or maybe, you haven't thought twice about it- maybe it never even crossed your mind. Maybe the things that you used to say reminded you of me don't anymore- maybe when you look up and see the moon you don't wonder if I am looking at it too- or maybe when you hear a Prince song- it is just another song to you- maybe it doesn't make you think of me anymore. As much as I have grown up in the past few years and realized you and I were not meant to be as much as we both thought we were or hoped we were- I still think about you a lot. I think about the fun we used to have. I could really sit and talk with you- for hours, about anything - and I never ran out of things to say. I still catch myself thinking Oh my God I have to call ______ and tell him about that. But I don't- and you don't either- and maybe it is better this way- but I do miss you terribly- and I wish things didn't go the way they did- I wish you didn't have to turn away- because there is so many things I have to tell you and I am sure a million more we should have laughed about. But that's ok- I have my box full of memories- and I guess I can always visit you through them- I hope you are well- and I hope that sometimes.. just every once in a while you think of me... just a little...
WORRY WORY AND MORE WORRY /SECRET
So tomorrow I take Curly to the urologist to find out what the deal is with him. He is still having problems and I am so scared he's going to need some invasive procedure. I have had nightmares about it for a week now. He's only 5 and I am afraid I am going to get some crusty old man Dr. who has lost every ounce of his compassion and is just mean and bitter and will want to do something to him that will cause him pain.. I know it sounds silly- and everyone knows I would never allow it- but I just don't want him to be traumatized or fear Dr.'s or anything- all it takes is one bad apple.... I speak from experience... Anyway I will update you on that.
On another note, Little Man does in fact need glasses.I kind of figured as much- he has really been squinting lately- but I tell you what- he looks absolutely adorable with glasses- not geeky adorable- just goddamn freaking adorable.. we should get them next week sometime.. wait til you see.. just wait til you see him... just precious... of course Curly is heartbroken because he doesn't need them... I was exactly the same way when I was a kid- I prayed I would I prayed and prayed.. but nope.. not until I was 12 or so I got them and even though I was having a bit of trouble.. I think I exaggerated during my vision test to make sure I got glasses... isn't that awful??? I still have those glasses and have never had another pair since- nor have I needed them... silly little girl...
On another note, Little Man does in fact need glasses.I kind of figured as much- he has really been squinting lately- but I tell you what- he looks absolutely adorable with glasses- not geeky adorable- just goddamn freaking adorable.. we should get them next week sometime.. wait til you see.. just wait til you see him... just precious... of course Curly is heartbroken because he doesn't need them... I was exactly the same way when I was a kid- I prayed I would I prayed and prayed.. but nope.. not until I was 12 or so I got them and even though I was having a bit of trouble.. I think I exaggerated during my vision test to make sure I got glasses... isn't that awful??? I still have those glasses and have never had another pair since- nor have I needed them... silly little girl...
PRETTY AS A PICTURE
Ok so I took Pickle to get her photos done in her costume- I'll post them when we get them back- but here are the ones I took- she's too much- such a poser! I love it!!
UP AND DOWN THE MERRY GO ROUND
So the last couple of days have been just lovely. I mean really. I don't know what it was exactly- but all of us- all 5 of us spent yesterday and the day before all together- just hanging out. The weather has been hot hot hot so we were outside 90% of the day- and yesterday I took Pickle for her dance photos and CC took the 2 boys to the golf range and then afterwards we had a big barbecue and hung out in the back yard all evening and it was nice. On Friday night CC and I even sat out and played Yahtzee together for like 2 hours-- It was just a really nice couple of days... just refreshing...
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
TAG YOU'RE IT!
Ok I was tagged again- I really have a tough time writing facts or odd things about myself- I don't know why but I can never think of anything- so bare with me this is probably going to be boring....
The Rules:*Players start with 8 random facts about themselves.*Those who are tagged should post these rules and their 8 random facts.*Players should tag eight other people and notify them that they have been tagged.
1. I am very much a homebody. Even as a kid I was like that- I would get "sick" every time I had a sleepover and have to go home. I would rather be home than anywhere else in the world. It's weird because especially when I was a kid- things were so bad- and we lived in the worst places- people's basements, trailers- seedy hotels- and I would still rather be there than any where else- alone mind you- but still "home".
2. I am lazy. I mean I really am. I try to justify it but telling myself that I deserve a break- but I am lazy- like now for example- my house is a mess and laundry needs to be done and yet I am sitting here typing because I am too lazy to clean. I waste time and start projects just to avoid cleaning or doing something I should be doing. I suck.
3. I don't cook- I hate cooking. If not for CC's grandmother making a meal for us once a week- my kids would really not eat home cook meals. I do taco nights and spaghetti nights- but I have never like made a roast beef dinner or a sit down all- four- food -groups meal for them- I just don't have it in me- I hate it so much.
4. I put too much energy into stupid things- this kinda goes along with my laziness point above. Like things that don't really matter or that won't be appreciated or remember I will put incredible effort into- and go all out- but yet- maybe it's just to avoid doing other things...
5. I have always wanted to play guitar or piano- I bought a keyboard once and hundreds of music books and put the stickers on the keys and everything- but I just can't do it- I mean I am so unco-ordinated it's almost silly- but I really wish I could play- I would love to be able to sit a a piano and play something- my dad tried to teach me once when I went down to Florida to visit- I know how to play part of a prince song because of him... now that I think about it- that is one of the very few memories I have of him and I - and I was probably 15 or 16 at the time....anyway- not a rock star...
6. I hate having people over at my house. family- I can deal with. But I am not a House party person- I hate hosting anything or being responsible for making sure people are comfortable when they are here because the whole time I am not comfortable. I mean it really irks me and I don't know why- I hate it- I am the worst- I forget to offer drinks or food or anything- I am just awful- I think maybe I am just territorial or something- but I just don't like people here- just stay away- stay away- if you knock we will pretend we are not home!! HA!
7. I have a very intense phobia about spiders and webs- I mean like the fear paralyzes me to the point (some of this may sound familiar to some of you) that I won't go outside at night because of it. I am terrified when I walk out y front door in the morning that I will walk through a web- I usually walk out the door swinging something in front of me in case there is a web there because if it touches me I will surely die- and have the heebie jeebies all day about it and look like a nut-case twitching and itching all day...
8. I have never shaved the top part of my legs- the thigh I mean- I do have hair there- but it is blond and sparse- I don't know if it is because I am lazy- but I think more so because I just don't see the point- if it's not thick black ugly hair coming in- why would you do that do yourself? Us women have enough to do don't ya think?Why would you go through all of that? Am I wrong? Is this normal? See, I don't even know if I am wacko or if there are others "like me" out there.....
Ok that is all I have in me for now... I am going to tag Moe, Debbie and I will have to check to see who hasn't already been tagged by Patty to see who else.. stayed tuned...
The Rules:*Players start with 8 random facts about themselves.*Those who are tagged should post these rules and their 8 random facts.*Players should tag eight other people and notify them that they have been tagged.
1. I am very much a homebody. Even as a kid I was like that- I would get "sick" every time I had a sleepover and have to go home. I would rather be home than anywhere else in the world. It's weird because especially when I was a kid- things were so bad- and we lived in the worst places- people's basements, trailers- seedy hotels- and I would still rather be there than any where else- alone mind you- but still "home".
2. I am lazy. I mean I really am. I try to justify it but telling myself that I deserve a break- but I am lazy- like now for example- my house is a mess and laundry needs to be done and yet I am sitting here typing because I am too lazy to clean. I waste time and start projects just to avoid cleaning or doing something I should be doing. I suck.
3. I don't cook- I hate cooking. If not for CC's grandmother making a meal for us once a week- my kids would really not eat home cook meals. I do taco nights and spaghetti nights- but I have never like made a roast beef dinner or a sit down all- four- food -groups meal for them- I just don't have it in me- I hate it so much.
4. I put too much energy into stupid things- this kinda goes along with my laziness point above. Like things that don't really matter or that won't be appreciated or remember I will put incredible effort into- and go all out- but yet- maybe it's just to avoid doing other things...
5. I have always wanted to play guitar or piano- I bought a keyboard once and hundreds of music books and put the stickers on the keys and everything- but I just can't do it- I mean I am so unco-ordinated it's almost silly- but I really wish I could play- I would love to be able to sit a a piano and play something- my dad tried to teach me once when I went down to Florida to visit- I know how to play part of a prince song because of him... now that I think about it- that is one of the very few memories I have of him and I - and I was probably 15 or 16 at the time....anyway- not a rock star...
6. I hate having people over at my house. family- I can deal with. But I am not a House party person- I hate hosting anything or being responsible for making sure people are comfortable when they are here because the whole time I am not comfortable. I mean it really irks me and I don't know why- I hate it- I am the worst- I forget to offer drinks or food or anything- I am just awful- I think maybe I am just territorial or something- but I just don't like people here- just stay away- stay away- if you knock we will pretend we are not home!! HA!
7. I have a very intense phobia about spiders and webs- I mean like the fear paralyzes me to the point (some of this may sound familiar to some of you) that I won't go outside at night because of it. I am terrified when I walk out y front door in the morning that I will walk through a web- I usually walk out the door swinging something in front of me in case there is a web there because if it touches me I will surely die- and have the heebie jeebies all day about it and look like a nut-case twitching and itching all day...
8. I have never shaved the top part of my legs- the thigh I mean- I do have hair there- but it is blond and sparse- I don't know if it is because I am lazy- but I think more so because I just don't see the point- if it's not thick black ugly hair coming in- why would you do that do yourself? Us women have enough to do don't ya think?Why would you go through all of that? Am I wrong? Is this normal? See, I don't even know if I am wacko or if there are others "like me" out there.....
Ok that is all I have in me for now... I am going to tag Moe, Debbie and I will have to check to see who hasn't already been tagged by Patty to see who else.. stayed tuned...
CC's THEME SONG
Ok loving this song.. it should be his theme song...
Better Than Me
I think you can do much better than me
After all the lies that I made you believe
Guilt kicks in and I start to see
The edge of the bed
Where your nightgown used to be
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remember
What it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
While looking through your old box of notesI found those pictures I took
That you were looking for
If there's one memory I don't want to lose
That time at the mall
You and me in the dressing room
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remember
What it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
The bed I'm lying in is getting colder
Wish I never would've said it's over
And I can't pretend... I won't think about you when I'm older
Cause we never really had our closure
This can't be the endI really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
(And I think you should know this)
(You deserve much better than me)
Better Than Me
I think you can do much better than me
After all the lies that I made you believe
Guilt kicks in and I start to see
The edge of the bed
Where your nightgown used to be
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remember
What it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
While looking through your old box of notesI found those pictures I took
That you were looking for
If there's one memory I don't want to lose
That time at the mall
You and me in the dressing room
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remember
What it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
The bed I'm lying in is getting colder
Wish I never would've said it's over
And I can't pretend... I won't think about you when I'm older
Cause we never really had our closure
This can't be the endI really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
(And I think you should know this)
(You deserve much better than me)
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